Etiquette by Emily Post (thriller novels to read txt) ๐
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- Author: Emily Post
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How The Procession Is Drilled
The organist must always be at the rehearsal, as one of the most important details is marking the time of the wedding march. Witnesses of most weddings can scarcely imagine that a wedding march is a march at all; more often than not, the heads of ushers and bridesmaids bob up and down like something boiling in a pan. A perfectly drilled wedding procession, like a military one, should move forward in perfect step, rising and falling in a block or unit. To secure perfection of detail, the bars of the processional may be counted so that the music comes to an end at precisely the moment the bride and groom stand side by side at the chancel steps. This is not difficult; it merely takes time and attention.
A wedding rehearsal should proceed as follows:
First of all, it is necessary to determine the exact speed at which the march is to be played. The ushers are asked to try it out. They line up at the door, walk forward two and two. The audience, consisting of the bride and her mother, and the bridesmaids, decides whether the pace "looks well." It must not be fast enough to look brisk, or so slow as to be funereal. At one wedding the ushers counted two beats as one and the pace was so slow that they all wabbled in trying to keep their balance. The painfulness to everyone may be imagined. On the other hand it is unsuitable to "trot" up the aisle of a church.
The "audience" having decided the speed, and the organist having noted the tempo, the entire procession, including the bridesmaids and a substitute, instead of the real bride, on her father's arm, go out into the vestibule and make their entry. Remember, the father is an important factor in the ceremony, and must take part in the rehearsal.
The procession is arranged according to height, the two shortest ushers leadingโunless others of nearly the same height are found to be more accurate pacemakers. The bridesmaids come directly after the ushers, two and two, also according to height, the shortest in the lead. After the bridesmaids, the maid (or matron) of honor walks alone; flower girls come next (if there are any) and last of all, the understudy bride leaning on the arm of the father, with pages (if she has any) holding up her train. Each pair in the procession follows the two directly in front by four paces or beats of time. In the vestibule, every one in the procession must pay attention to the feet directly in front, the pacemakers can follow the army sergeant's example and say very softly "left, left!" At the end the bride counts eight beats before she and the father put "left foot" forward. The whole trick is starting; after that they just walk naturally to the beat of the music, but keeping the ones in front as nearly as possible at the same distance.
At the foot of the chancel, the ushers divide. In a small church, the first two go up the chancel steps and stand at the top; one on the right, the other on the left. The second two go to a step or two below the first. If there are more, they stand below again. Chalk marks can be made on the chancel floor if necessary, but it ought not to be difficult, except for very little children who are flower girls or pages, to learn their position.
Or in a big church they go up farther, some of them lining the steps, or all of them in front of the choir stalls. The bridesmaids also divide, half on either side, and always stand in front of the ushers. The maid of honor's place is on the left at the foot of the steps, exactly opposite the best man. Flower girls and pages are put above or below the bridesmaids wherever it is thought "the picture" is best.
The grouping of the ushers and bridesmaids in the chancel or lining the steps also depends upon their number and the size of the church. In any event, the bridesmaids stand in front of the ushers; half of them on the right and half on the left. They never stand all on the bride's side, and the ushers on the groom's.
Entrance Of The Bridegroom
The clergyman who is to perform the marriage comes into the chancel from the vestry. At a few paces behind him follows the groom, who in turn is followed by the best man. The groom stops at the foot of the chancel steps and takes his place at the right, as indicated in the accompanying diagram. His best man stands directly behind him. The ushers and bridesmaids always pass in front of him and take their places as noted above. When the bride approaches, the groom takes only a step to meet her.
A more effective greeting of the bride is possible if the door of the vestry opens into the chancel so that on following the clergyman, the groom finds himself at the top instead of the foot of the chancel steps. He goes forward to the right-hand side (his left), his best man behind him, and waits where he is until his bride approaches, when he goes down the steps to meet herโwhich is perhaps more gallant than to stand at the head of the aisle, and wait for her to join him.
The real bride watches carefully how the pseudo bride takes her left hand from her father's arm, shifts her fan, or whatever represents her bouquet, from her right hand to her left, and gives her right hand to the groom. In the proper maneuver the groom takes her right hand in his own right hand and draws it through his left arm, at the same time turning toward the chancel. If the service is undivided, and all of it is to be at the altar, this is necessary as the bride always goes up to the altar leaning on the arm of the groom.
If, however, the betrothal is to be read at the foot of the chancel (which is done at most weddings now) he may merely take her hand in his left one and stand as they are.
The Organist's Cue
The organist stops at the moment the bride and groom have assumed their places. That is the cue to the organist as to the number of bars necessary for the procession. After the procession has practised "marching" two or three times, everything ought to be perfect. The organist, having counted up the necessary bars of music, can readily give the leading ushers their "music cue"โso that they can start on the measure that will allow the procession and the organ to end together. The organist can, and usually does, stop off short, but there is a better finish if the bride's giving her hand to the groom and taking the last step that brings her in front of the chancel is timed so as to fall precisely on the last bars of the processional.
No words of the service are ever rehearsed, although all the "positions" to be taken are practised.
The pseudo bride takes the groom's left arm and goes slowly up the steps to the altar.
The best man follows behind and to the right of the groom, and the maid of honor (or "first" bridesmaid) leaves her companions and advances behind and to the left of the bride. The pseudo bride (in pantomime) gives her bouquet to the maid of honor; the best man (also in pantomime) hands the ring to the groom, this merely to see that they are at a convenient distance for the services they are to perform. The recessional is played, and the procession goes out in reversed order. Bride and groom first, then bridesmaids, then ushers, again all taking pains to fall into step with the leaders.
On no account must the bridesmaids walk either up or down the aisle with the ushers! Once in a while the maid of honor takes the arm of the best man and together they follow the bride and groom out of the church. But it gives the impression of a double wedding and spoils the picture.
Obligations Of The Bridegroom
In order that the first days of their life together may be as perfect as possible, the groom must make preparations for the wedding trip long ahead of time, so that best accommodations can be reserved. If they are to stop first at a hotel in their own city, or one near by, he should go days or even weeks in advance and personally select the rooms. It is much better frankly to tell the proprietor, or room clerk, at the same time asking him to "keep the secret." Everyone takes a friendly interest in a bridal couple, and the chances are that the proprietor will try to reserve the prettiest rooms in the house, and give the best service.
If their first stop is to be at a distance, then he must engage train seats or boat stateroom, and write to the hotel of their destination far enough in advance to receive a written reply, so that he may be sure of the accommodations they will find.
Expense Of The Wedding Trip
Just as it is contrary to all laws of etiquette for the bride to accept any part of her trousseau or wedding reception from the groom, so it is unthinkable for the bride to defray the least fraction of the cost of the wedding journey, no matter though she have millions in her own right, and he be earning ten dollars a week. He must save up his ten dollars as long as necessary, and the trip can be as short as they like, but convention has no rule more rigid than that the wedding trip shall be a responsibility of the groom.
There are two modifications of this rule: a house may be put at their disposal by a member of her family, or, if she is a widow, they may go to one of her own, provided it is not one occupied by her with her late husband. It is also quite all right for them to go away in a motor belonging to her, but driven by him, and all garage expenses belong to him; or if her father or other member of the family offers the use of a yacht or private railway car, the groom may accept but he should remember that the incidental and unavoidable expense of such a "gift" is sometimes greater than the cost of railway tickets.
Buying The Wedding Ring
It is quite usual for the bride to go with the groom when he buys the wedding ring, the reason being that as it stays for life on her finger, she should be allowed to choose the width and weight she likes and the size she finds comfortable.
The Groom's Present To The Bride
He is a very exceptional and enviable man who is financially able to take his fiancรฉe to the jeweler's and let her choose what she fancies. Usually the groom buys the handsomest ornament he can affordโa string of pearls if he has great wealth, or a diamond pendant, brooch or bracelet, or perhaps only the simplest bangle or charmโbut whether it is of great or little worth, it must be something for her personal adornment.
Further Obligations Of The Groom
Gifts must be provided for his best man and ushers, as well as their ties, gloves and boutonniรจres, a bouquet for his bride, and the fee for
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