The Beautiful and Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald (best time to read books txt) 📕

“There’s no doubt?”

“None! Couldn’t be!”

They rejoiced happily, gay again with reborn irresponsibility. Then he told her of his opportunity to go abroad, and that he was almost ashamed to reject it.

“What do you think? Just tell me frankly.”

“Why, Anthony!” Her eyes were startled. “Do you want to go? Without me?”

His face fell⁠—yet he knew, with his wife’s question, that it was too late. Her arms, sweet and strangling, were around him, for he had made all such choices back in that room in the Plaza the year before. This was an anachronism from an age of such dreams.

“Gloria,” he lied, in a great burst of comprehension, “of course I don’t. I was thinking you might go as a nurse or something.” He wondered dully if his grandfather would consider this.

As she smiled he realized again how beautiful she was, a gorgeous girl of miraculous freshness and sheerly honorable eyes. She embraced his suggestion with luxurious intensity, holding it aloft like a sun of her own making and basking in its beams. She strung together an amazing synopsis for an extravaganza of martial adventure.

After supper, surfeited with the subject, she yawned. She wanted not to talk but only to read Penrod, stretched upon the lounge until at midnight she fell asleep. But Anthony, after he had carried her romantically up the stairs, stayed awake to brood upon the day, vaguely angry with her, vaguely dissatisfied.

“What am I going to do?” he began at breakfast. “Here we’ve been married a year and we’ve just worried around without even being efficient people of leisure.”

“Yes, you ought to do something,” she admitted, being in an agreeable and loquacious humor. This was not the first of these discussions, but as they usually developed Anthony in the role of protagonist, she had come to avoid them.

“It’s not that I have any moral compunctions about work,” he continued, “but grampa may die tomorrow and he may live for ten years. Meanwhile we’re living above our income and all we’ve got to show for it is a farmer’s car and a few clothes. We keep an apartment that we’ve only lived in three months and a little old house way off in nowhere. We’re frequently bored and yet we won’t make any effort to know anyone except the same crowd who drift around California all summer wearing sport clothes and waiting for their families to die.”

“How you’ve changed!” remarked Gloria. “Once you told me you didn’t see why an American couldn’t loaf gracefully.”

“Well, damn it, I wasn’t married. And the old mind was working at top speed and now it’s going round and round like a cogwheel with nothing to catch it. As a matter of fact I think that if I hadn’t met you I would have done something. But you make leisure so subtly attractive⁠—”

“Oh, it’s all my fault⁠—”

“I didn’t mean that, and you know I didn’t. But here I’m almost twenty-seven and⁠—”

“Oh,” she interrupted in vexation, “you make me tired! Talking as though I were objecting or hindering you!”

“I was just discussing it, Gloria. Can’t I discuss⁠—”

“I should think you’d be strong enough to settle⁠—”

“⁠—something with you without⁠—”

“⁠—your own problems without coming to me. You talk a lot about going to work. I could use more money very easily, but I’m not complaining. Whether you work or not I love you.” Her last words were gentle as fine snow upon hard ground. But for the moment neither was attending to the other⁠—they were each engaged in polishing and perfecting his own attitude.

“I have worked⁠—some.” This by Anthony was an imprudent bringing up of raw reserves. Gloria laughed, torn between delight and derision; she resented his sophistry as at the same time she admired his nonchalance. She would never blame him for being the ineffectual idler so long as he did it sincerely, from the attitude that nothing much was worth doing.

“Work!” she scoffed. “Oh, you sad bird! You bluffer! Work⁠—that means a great arranging of the desk and the lights, a great sharpening of pencils, and ‘Gloria, don’t sing!’ and ‘Please keep that damn Tana away from me,’ and ‘Let me read you my opening sentence,’ and ‘I won’t be through for a long time, Gloria, so don’t stay up for me,’ and a tremendous consumption of tea or coffee. And that’s all. In just about an hour I hear the old pencil stop scratching and look over. You’ve got out a book and you’re ‘looking up’ something. Then you’re reading. Then yawns⁠—then bed and a great tossing about because you’re all full of caffeine and can’t sleep. Two weeks later the whole performance over again.”

With much difficulty Anthony retained a scanty breechclout of dignity.

“Now that’s a slight exaggeration. You know darn well I sold an essay to The Florentine⁠—and it attracted a lot of attention considering the circulation of The Florentine. And what’s more, Gloria, you know I sat up till five o’clock in the morning finishing it.”

She lapsed into silence, giving him rope. And if he had not hanged himself he had certainly come to the end of it.

“At least,” he concluded feebly, “I’m perfectly willing to be a war correspondent.”

But so was Gloria. They were both willing⁠—anxious; they assured each other of it. The evening ended on a note of tremendous sentiment, the majesty of leisure, the ill health of Adam Patch, love at any cost.

“Anthony!” she called over the banister one afternoon a week later, “there’s someone at the door.” Anthony, who had been lolling in the hammock on the sun-speckled south porch, strolled around to the front of the house. A foreign car, large and impressive, crouched like an immense and saturnine bug at the foot of the path. A man in a soft pongee suit, with cap to match, hailed him.

“Hello there, Patch. Ran over to call on you.”

It was Bloeckman; as always, infinitesimally improved, of subtler intonation, of more convincing ease.

“I’m awfully glad you did.” Anthony raised