The Beautiful and Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald (best time to read books txt) 📕

the road a mile off he could see no car⁠—except⁠—but it was a farmer’s flivver. Then, in an undignified pursuit of dignity, he rushed back to the shelter of the house as quickly as he had rushed out.

Pacing up and down the living room he began an angry rehearsal of the speech he would make to her when she came in⁠—

“So this is love!” he would begin⁠—or no, it sounded too much like the popular phrase “So this is Paris!” He must be dignified, hurt, grieved. Anyhow⁠—“So this is what you do when I have to go up and trot all day around the hot city on business. No wonder I can’t write! No wonder I don’t dare let you out of my sight!” He was expanding now, warming to his subject. “I’ll tell you,” he continued, “I’ll tell you⁠—” He paused, catching a familiar ring in the words⁠—then he realized⁠—it was Tana’s “I tell.”

Yet Anthony neither laughed nor seemed absurd to himself. To his frantic imagination it was already six⁠—seven⁠—eight, and she was never coming! Bloeckman finding her bored and unhappy had persuaded her to go to California with him.⁠ ⁠…

—There was a great to-do out in front, a joyous “Yoho, Anthony!” and he rose trembling, weakly happy to see her fluttering up the path. Bloeckman was following, cap in hand.

“Dearest!” she cried.

“We’ve been for the best jaunt⁠—all over New York State.”

“I’ll have to be starting home,” said Bloeckman, almost immediately. “Wish you’d both been here when I came.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t,” answered Anthony dryly. When he had departed Anthony hesitated. The fear was gone from his heart, yet he felt that some protest was ethically apropos. Gloria resolved his uncertainty.

“I knew you wouldn’t mind. He came just before lunch and said he had to go to Garrison on business and wouldn’t I go with him. He looked so lonesome, Anthony. And I drove his car all the way.”

Listlessly Anthony dropped into a chair, his mind tired⁠—tired with nothing, tired with everything, with the world’s weight he had never chosen to bear. He was ineffectual and vaguely helpless here as he had always been. One of those personalities who, in spite of all their words, are inarticulate, he seemed to have inherited only the vast tradition of human failure⁠—that, and the sense of death.

“I suppose I don’t care,” he answered.

One must be broad about these things, and Gloria being young, being beautiful, must have reasonable privileges. Yet it wearied him that he failed to understand.

Winter

She rolled over on her back and lay still for a moment in the great bed watching the February sun suffer one last attenuated refinement in its passage through the leaded panes into the room. For a time she had no accurate sense of her whereabouts or of the events of the day before, or the day before that; then, like a suspended pendulum, memory began to beat out its story, releasing with each swing a burdened quota of time until her life was given back to her.

She could hear, now, Anthony’s troubled breathing beside her; she could smell whiskey and cigarette smoke. She noticed that she lacked complete muscular control; when she moved it was not a sinuous motion with the resultant strain distributed easily over her body⁠—it was a tremendous effort of her nervous system as though each time she were hypnotizing herself into performing an impossible action.⁠ ⁠…

She was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth to get rid of that intolerable taste; then back by the bedside listening to the rattle of Bounds’s key in the outer door.

“Wake up, Anthony!” she said sharply.

She climbed into bed beside him and closed her eyes. Almost the last thing she remembered was a conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Lacy. Mrs. Lacy had said, “Sure you don’t want us to get you a taxi?” and Anthony had replied that he guessed they could walk over to Fifth all right. Then they had both attempted, imprudently, to bow⁠—and collapsed absurdly into a battalion of empty milk bottles just outside the door. There must have been two dozen milk bottles standing open-mouthed in the dark. She could conceive of no plausible explanation of those milk bottles. Perhaps they had been attracted by the singing in the Lacy house and had hurried over agape with wonder to see the fun. Well, they’d had the worst of it⁠—though it seemed that she and Anthony never would get up, the perverse things rolled so.⁠ ⁠…

Still, they had found a taxi. “My meter’s broken and it’ll cost you a dollar and a half to get home,” said the taxi driver. “Well,” said Anthony, “I’m young Packy McFarland and if you’ll come down here I’ll beat you till you can’t stand up.”⁠ ⁠… At that point the man had driven off without them. They must have found another taxi, for they were in the apartment.⁠ ⁠…

“What time is it?” Anthony was sitting up in bed, staring at her with owlish precision.

This was obviously a rhetorical question. Gloria could think of no reason why she should be expected to know the time.

“Golly, I feel like the devil!” muttered Anthony dispassionately. Relaxing, he tumbled back upon his pillow. “Bring on your grim reaper!”

“Anthony, how’d we finally get home last night?”

“Taxi.”

“Oh!” Then, after a pause: “Did you put me to bed?”

“I don’t know. Seems to me you put me to bed. What day is it?”

“Tuesday.”

“Tuesday? I hope so. If it’s Wednesday, I’ve got to start work at that idiotic place. Supposed to be down at nine or some such ungodly hour.”

“Ask Bounds,” suggested Gloria feebly.

“Bounds!” he called.

Sprightly, sober⁠—a voice from a world that it seemed in the past two days they had left forever, Bounds sprang in short steps down the hall and appeared in the half darkness of the door.

“What day, Bounds?”

“February the twenty-second, I think, sir.”

“I mean day of the week.”

“Tuesday, sir.”

“Thanks.”

After a pause: “Are you ready for breakfast, sir?”

“Yes, and Bounds, before you get it, will you make a pitcher of water, and set it here beside the bed?