The Nurse by J. Corrigan (list of ebook readers txt) 📕

like I did with you. Daniel adores you, Rose. Give him a break. So he made one comment you don’t agree with, so what?’

I took her in as if seeing her clearly for the first time. I’d never asked her in any detail about her own childhood and upbringing in Ireland, sensing she didn’t want to talk about it. I knew though that it had been tough, and maybe one of the reasons she was the way she was. I should have asked more, delved deeper, and then I might have understood her better. Maybe I was, as she sometimes said, selfish and self-indulgent, but then she really hadn’t set the best of examples.

‘Was your childhood very bad?’ I asked.

‘It wasn’t good.’ She bent down to get the biscuit tin out and without facing me said, ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been the best mum. But now’s the time to break the cycle, eh, love?’

I nodded. It was the frankest and most real conversation I’d had with her, ever.

As she arranged biscuits on a plate, I made my way through to the sitting room and was greeted by a large, immaculately upholstered and brand-new suite.

‘Very nice settee!’ I shouted.

She came in, plate in hand. ‘It is, isn’t it? Daniel gave me a bonus in last month’s pay cheque.’

I tried to smile and somehow could not, although by the time I got back to Daniel’s house, I’d decided all my angst was out of proportion. I was having Daniel’s baby; he was looking after my mum. I loved him, and my mum had said he adored me. And regardless of her issues and our chipped relationship, I believed her.

I put his comments about race and sexual orientation down to his age and his privileged upbringing, and there was also the fact that his own mixed heritage probably meant he felt he could get away with the race comment. I chose to believe him when he said he’d work on his prejudices. After everything he’d already done for me, it seemed possible.

42

18 August 1991

I was sitting in the kitchen relaxing and sipping herbal tea; Daniel had just left to take my mum home. I took in the well-equipped space, accepting that the house really was beginning to feel like home.

I’d moved in with Daniel soon after the conversation with my mum, making the decision when he’d asked Ed to move out. Spain had shown Daniel that Ed and I together did not make for a good environment, so he’d asked him if he minded staying with Abigail, to help out at her place. It turned out Ed didn’t have a home of his own; it had been repossessed after he’d lost his job. Daniel had shown me pictures of his sister’s house, and I’d been a little surprised at its size. When I mentioned this, he finally told me about her divorce two years before.

Over the past months, as I came to terms with crashing off my course, I’d carried on working at Mussels for a short period, and had only given the job up a few weeks before. Tom and Casey had been to see me, although Tom’s iciness with Daniel did annoy me a bit. Casey, though, really liked him, and unlike Tom, she wasn’t fazed about my situation, admitting that despite her strong feminist view of the world, what had happened to me was the most natural thing. You’ve got Daniel. He adores you. What’s an extra year or two? You can finish your training. No problem.

But it was the visits from my mum that had been the greatest surprise. We hadn’t argued once and she’d even managed to give me the odd hug. The previous weekend, she’d stayed the night, keeping me company when Daniel went to visit Abigail. She’d regaled me with stories about her two births, and assured me that being so young, I wouldn’t find it a problem going back to pick up my studies after I had the baby. Youthful energy is a godsend with a new-born. A lot to be said for having them young. She’d even offered babysitting duties.

She was enjoying working at Bluefields and really did seem to be in control, and taking her meds. Today we’d even looked through baby catalogues together, and ordered a fair amount too. I’d pointed out to her the huge number at the bottom of the bill. She’d just shrugged. Daniel’ll pay, won’t he? I’d thought she was footing the bill and so judicially deleted most of the items.

I told Daniel this later on as we lay in bed.

‘She’s your mum. Give her a chance,’ he said, amusement in his voice.

I snuggled closer. He kissed my nose and then moved his head beneath the covers. His lips skimmed over my stomach, finding my wetness. It was as if I had no control over my body, or my mind, or how I felt about this man whose tongue delved into my core. I arched my hips, waiting for the roll of ecstasy I knew was imminent; my body was more responsive than ever before. We had a baby forming inside me, and this thought gave the orgasm that sat on the very tip of an abyss an intensity that shocked me.

‘Jesus, Rose, I had no idea you’d do this to me.’

He looked away, at the pillow, and I heard a moan: of ecstasy, of relief? But as I drifted into sleep, his murmur became a sound of grief.

The next day we were both up at the crack of dawn. I was booked in for my twenty-week scan and I’d been given the first morning slot. Daniel was awake, showered and dressed before I’d even finished my tea, which he’d brought me in bed.

‘You don’t have to come,’ I said.

‘I want to come.’ He fiddled with the duvet cover, folding the top neatly over my stomach, punching up my pillow, which was wedged against a thick wooden curl.

The hospital was teeming with people when we arrived.