A Fall from Grace by Maggie Ford (books to read for self improvement TXT) 📕

One day she might have a child with him, who knows. One day. The prospect helped disperse the final shreds of that which had been driving her for so long, yet now it was gone, solved, she felt deep inside that she had lost something precious.

She remained with her head reclining on the back of the car seat and felt a tear escape from the far corners of her closed eyelids.

She had said nothing to Anthony about her going to see the child’s adoptive parents though she imagined he’d more or less guessed. But as he made no reference to it when they met that Wednesday, she felt it best not to stir things up. Better to say nothing than have things turn awkward. He’d made it plain some time ago, when she’d referred to the baby she’d had and her hopes of one day tracing it, that he wasn’t ready to deal with a child much less one by another man.

‘We’ve had no chance of a life together yet,’ he’d said. ‘When finally we do, I want us to be able to make the most of it, go out and about, abroad maybe, have a great social life, stay out to all hours with no need for you to be forever having to tear yourself away.’

All of which bore more than a hint of his expecting his uncle not to live too long into the future. She could sympathize with him though it made her feel deeply uncomfortable with his sentiments. But it was true. Their time together was becoming ever more brief, James having forced himself to go to his office only to spend less than half a day before requiring George his chauffeur to collect him and take him home again, such was his poor state of health after last winter’s bout of pneumonia, his chest left in a pitiful condition, which grew more pronounced as the colder autumn weather wore on.

This Wednesday James’s car barely had time to disappear before she’d left for Anthony’s home, needing to see him in what little time there was left before James returned home. Hailing a taxi she’d fretted all the way there at the time the vehicle was taking, annoying the driver by repeatedly urging him to hurry.

Anthony was already waiting at the door for her as she got out of the vehicle. He rushed out, paid the driver and hurried her into the house, the door hardly closed before he was pulling her to him as if she had been away for weeks, pressing his lips so hard and urgently against hers that she was forced to pull away slightly to catch her breath.

‘I can only stay for an hour, maybe hour and a half, my love,’ she gasped as he pulled her to him again. ‘If James is home before me I’ll have to lie as to where I’ve been, and I hate lying to him.’

‘I’d say just by coming here you’re lying to him,’ he said abruptly, drawing away from the kiss he would have given her, his lips tightening.

‘We’re both lying to James,’ she reminded him, hurt, as they broke apart, she making a fuss of taking off her hat and coat, but he hardly seeming to hear her.

‘I miss you. Every day without you is like a lifetime, and now we’re asked to spend one hour a week together. It can’t go on like this.’

‘Then what do you want me to do?’ she shot at him.

‘I don’t know.’

His handsome face distorted slightly in frustration as he turned away. Quickly she hung her warm outdoor clothing on the hallstand peg and went towards him, lifting her hand and laying it on his shoulder. They were alone in the house. As always on Wednesdays, he’d given his housemaid the morning off, telling his butler he’d not be required for a few hours, his cook that he wouldn’t be wanting lunch, so they had the place virtually to themselves. The staff would take up their duties again well after Madeleine left. It had become standard practice and though they knew what went on, they were loyal and discreet.

Madeleine’s hand on his shoulder seemed to melt his mood and he took it, leading her into the sitting room with its blazing fire, where he poured them a drink. But their hour or so was passing. Before she’d finished her sherry and he his brandy, he was leading her upstairs to his bedroom, reminding her of her statement, almost caustically, even needlessly, that they didn’t have all that much time.

‘It’s getting silly,’ he said as they lay naked together after frantic love-making.

‘I know,’ she agreed miserably.

Her hunger had been satisfied all too soon, even as he took her and she cried out in ecstasy, her mind screamed that James could already have arrived back home and be wondering where she was.

‘I hate having to leave like this,’ she mumbled inadequately as they had a final drink together. ‘If he starts asking questions I feel myself going hot and cold as I make up a story as to where I’m supposed to have been. I hate it! I simply hate it – hate the way we have to go on!’

She wanted to add, I wish he was dead, but blocked the thought in horror, her eyes filling with tears – whether from the thought or the fact that she was frustrated having to leave so soon, not seeing Anthony for another whole week, she couldn’t say – maybe a little of both.

Seeing her tears, he put down his glass to hold her to him. ‘I know, my dearest, I know. But it can’t last much longer, his going on as he is. Maybe this time next year… We will be together – for always.’

She knew his sentiments echoed hers though neither of them dared refer to it in so many words as their lips met and they clung to each other.

‘But while we wait,’ she said when they finally