Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

“Yeah, well, turns out, I like the music and the company.”

She winked. “And you don’t have to worry about getting hit on.”

“I guess that’s true, too.”

“What can I get ya tonight?” she asked, her red hair seeming even brighter than the last time.

“A time machine?” I chuckled.

“Uh-oh. That bad, huh?”

Earlier today, while waiting for my flight, I’d made the mistake of going to Molly’s Facebook page and had seen a new update: In a Relationship with Will Daniels. It was official. There were also some new photos they’d taken together during a jazz concert.

I’d avoided asking Molly about the status of things with Will during our phone conversations because I didn’t want to hear it. But now I knew they were exclusive—i.e., You missed the boat, Declan. That boat was so far offshore now, it wasn’t even funny.

I spent the next several minutes unloading to Belinda, as had become my habit, telling her about my trip and Molly’s new Facebook status.

She cringed. “Ouch. Okay. But there’s always hope, right? This doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way. Relationships are hard, man. This dude can easily screw up. You might still have a chance someday.”

I shook my head, staring into my glass. “I don’t know what I hope anymore, Belinda. Maybe she’s better off with him. But…”

“But you still want that time machine.” She smiled sympathetically. “Okay, let’s talk about this. What would you do differently if you could go back and change things?”

I laughed under my breath. “A fuck ton.”

“Like…”

“I had multiple opportunities to tell her how I feel, and I blew them all. I’d take one of those moments back. I think I’d take the risk despite all of the fucked up voices in my head telling me not to.”

“And there’s no way you can do that now? Tell her how you feel?”

“She’ll think I’m only doing it because she’s unavailable now. She’s already seen what happened when I started dating that other girl, Julia. That one was about the game—or maybe I started falling for Molly. My feelings for Molly are different, but I’m just not sure she’d see it that way. And that’s my fault. I waited too long.” I sighed. “Plus, she’s getting serious with this guy now. I don’t want to mess anything up for her, if she’s truly happy.” I downed the rest of my drink and slammed the glass on the bar. “It just sucks.”

Belinda poured me another drink and said, “Okay. Wanna know the best advice I have right now?”

I took a sip and let out a small belch. “Yup.”

“Never be too far away. If you care about her, just stay in her life. That way, if there’s ever an opportunity, you won’t miss it. You can’t spot the cracks in the foundation if you’re too far away from the house. Get what I’m saying? Don’t be afraid to ask how things are going with this guy, because the biggest clues will come straight from the horse’s mouth. Stay the course, my friend. If it’s meant to be, it will.”

Will. I chuckled at the irony of that last word. I nodded as Belinda moved down the bar to attend to a couple of ladies on my right.

As much as I hated being stuck in Wisconsin, there were some benefits. It allowed me a neutral place to work on my own shit, see a doctor, and deal with my hang-ups without any distractions. But Belinda was right. If I wanted a chance with Molly, I couldn’t distance myself because her being with another man upset me. That was a pussy thing to do. I needed all the information I could get.

It was a good thing the bar was only a short walk from my hotel because I’d definitely had too much to drink. That also meant I wasn’t of sound mind when I texted Molly on the way home.

Declan: I fucking miss you.

It was late. I had no idea if she was in the middle of one of her shifts. But she responded just a few minutes later.

Molly: My father was just admitted to the hospital and needs to be on life support.

CHAPTER 27

Molly

“I need some fresh air.”

Will nodded and stood. “Let’s get coffee and take a walk around the hospital.”

“Would you…mind staying here?”

“Oh. Yeah, sure. Of course. I’ll text you if anything changes, or if Sam comes in for rounds early.”

I smiled sadly. “Thanks, Will. I appreciate it.”

He kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry, Molly. I wish there was something I could do. It’s killing me to sit here and do nothing. I hate feeling so helpless.”

I knew Will meant every word. He was a very caring doctor, which is one of the things I admired most about him. So many physicians stopped seeing patients as people, focusing instead on the clinical symptoms of an illness. But not Will. He got to know his patients and their families and had so much empathy.

“Thank you for being here. I know you should be home sleeping because you have to work tonight.”

His forehead wrinkled. “No, I shouldn’t be home sleeping. I’m right where I’m supposed to be, Molly.”

I walked through the corridors of the hospital in a complete daze until I stepped outside into the cool, early-morning air. It hit me that I didn’t remember anything after walking out of the ICU double doors a few minutes ago. The trek along the fourth floor, down the elevator, and out through the lobby were lost inside my head. I took a deep breath and decided to follow the trail around the hospital that I sometimes walked on my breaks with other nurses.

Last night, Kayla had called at a little after eleven o’clock. She said she was riding in the back of an ambulance on her way to the hospital. She and my dad had dozed off on the couch while watching a movie, and when she went to wake him to go