Never Say Never by Rachael Sommers (books to get back into reading TXT) 📕

to stay calm when she heard the front door click. She got to her feet and into her jacket before Camila even came into the room.

“Jaime’s fine, he was in bed by seven thirty and asleep by eight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She pushed the words out in a desperate rush, looking down so she wouldn’t get lost in Camila’s eyes, but when she tried to duck around and out the door, Camila caught her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

Her touch burned, and Emily wrenched her arm away so violently, she nearly sent Camila sprawling. She couldn’t let her touch her, couldn’t be close to her, didn’t want her to know how desperately Emily still wanted her.

“Emily, I…”

Camila’s brow was furrowed, her eyes were dark, and when she asked “Are you okay?” Emily laughed bitterly.

“What do you think?”

Camila flinched. “I didn’t… I never wanted to hurt you. I know it’s pointless to say that now, but I—”

“What do you want from me, Camila?” Emily couldn’t bear to hear another word. She’d rather have a cold and distant Camila than one who was apologetic—unless she said she had made a mistake the other night, that she hadn’t meant to push her away. But somehow Emily doubted that was what she would hear. “Because I can’t…I can’t take all of this back-and-forth, not knowing where I stand with you, so just…figure out what the hell you want so we can both move on with our lives.”

She turned on her heel and left without waiting for a reply, wanting her to actually think about it. She headed for Maia and Cassie’s place because she had promised them she would stop by when she was finished for the day so they would know she was okay.

They were all sitting in the living room when her phone buzzed with a message. She half-hoped it was from Camila asking if they could talk, but it was an email notification from New York University, and she nearly dropped the phone.

“You open it.” She thrust the phone at Cassie, hiding behind her hands and peering through her fingers as Cassie opened the email. She felt sick from anticipation, and when Cassie handed her phone back without a word, Emily was convinced it was bad news.

Her hands were shaking and she couldn’t focus properly, but when she finally read the email, she had to reread it again—and again—before it really sank in.

“What does it say?” Maia asked anxiously, glancing back and forth between Cassie and Emily.

“I…I got in.” Emily’s heart pounded in her chest, and her hands were so sweaty, it was a miracle she could still hold the phone.

“Emily, congratulations!” Maia leaned over to hug her, but Emily still clutched her phone, too numb to hug back, and when Maia pulled away, she was frowning. “That is a good thing…right?”

“I…I applied for August admission, but the email says a space has opened up for January. So I could start in, like, two weeks.”

She had planned on attending NYU—it was what she wanted—but now that she had it, she realized she had no time to plan, no time to resolve things with Camila, no time to say goodbye to Jaime

Her whole life had just flipped upside down.

Cassie read her mind, as usual. “You could probably postpone the start date. If they want you this badly, they’ll understand if you need to wait.”

“Do you think I should?”

“I think you should do whatever you want, Emily.”

But she didn’t know what that was, anymore. “I…I’m going to have to think about it, I guess.”

And she was going to have to talk to Camila because this affected her too.

She was already dreading that conversation.

* * *

Camila returned home on Thursday night to a quiet apartment. She frowned at her watch—it was just after seven, and Jaime normally would still be up watching TV with Emily. But when she entered the living area, only Emily was on the couch, wringing her hands nervously.

She had seemed distant and distracted that morning, and Camila assumed it had to do with their aborted conversation last night, but now she wasn’t so sure, thought there was something else on Emily’s mind.

“Is everything okay?”

Emily jumped, like she hadn’t heard Camila come in, and when she glanced up at Camila, she looked tortured.

“E-everything’s fine. I put Jaime to bed early because I need to talk to you.”

“Oh?” Camila sat in the armchair opposite Emily. “What about?”

“I…um… Do you remember awhile back when I told you I might apply to NYU?”

Camila nodded. This wasn’t the conversation she was expecting.

“Well, I applied. And yesterday I received notice that I’ve been accepted.”

“Congrat—”

“They want me to start this month.” Emily cut her off. “On the fourteenth. I thought about pushing it back until summer, but I… In light of everything that’s happened between us, I don’t…I don’t know if I want to wait. I love this job, and God, I adore Jaime more than anything, but I…I have feelings for you, strong feelings, not-going-away-no-matter-what-I-do feelings, and I…I know you don’t want that, but I don’t know how to be around you and not…not want that. So I think…I think maybe it would be best if I quit and started the program now, and then you don’t ever have to see me again.”

Emily’s final words came out in a rush, and Camila sat back in the chair, feeling like Emily had dropped a bomb on her.

She had just admitted she had feelings for her in the same breath that she told her she wanted to leave. Her chest felt like it was in a vise.

“I know you’ll need time to find a replacement.” Emily looked at her curiously. God only knew what expression showed on Camila’s face. “I checked my contract, and there’s nothing about how much notice I have to give, so I’ll work right up until classes start, and if…if you don’t want me to go, then I’ll stay until summer. If you want me to.”

It was clear Emily had thought for