A Damsel in Distress by P. G. Wodehouse (pocket ebook reader txt) 📕

“Not unless he and Maud elope like Reggie Byng and Alice. Wasn’t that exciting? Who would ever have suspected Reggie had the dash to do a thing like that? Lord Marshmoreton’s new secretary is very pretty, don’t you think?”

“Which is she?”

“The girl in black with the golden hair.”

“Is she Lord Marshmoreton’s secretary?”

“Yes. She’s an American girl. I think she’s much nicer than Alice Faraday. I was talking to her before dinner. Her name is Dore. Her father was a captain in the American army, who died without leaving her a penny. He was the younger son of a very distinguished family, but his family disowned him because he married against their wishes.”

“Something ought to be done to stop these families,” said George. “They’re always up to something.”

“So Miss Dore had to go out and earn her own living. It must have been awful for her, mustn’t it, having to give up society.”

“Did she give up society?”

“Oh, yes. She used to go everywhere in New York before her father died. I think American girls are wonderful. They have so much enterprise.”

George at the moment was thinking that it was in imagination that they excelled.

“I wish I could go out and earn my living,” said Miss Plummer. “But the family won’t dream of it.”

“The family again!” said George sympathetically. “They’re a perfect curse.”

“I want to go on the stage. Are you fond of the theatre?”

“Fairly.”

“I love it. Have you seen Hubert Broadleigh in ’Twas Once in Spring?”

“I’m afraid I haven’t.”

“He’s wonderful. Have you seen Cynthia Dane in A Woman’s No?”

“I missed that one too.”

“Perhaps you prefer musical pieces? I saw an awfully good musical comedy before I left town. It’s called Follow the Girl. It’s at the Regal Theatre. Have you seen it?”

“I wrote it.”

“You⁠—what!”

“That is to say, I wrote the music.”

“But the music’s lovely,” gasped little Miss Plummer, as if the fact made his claim ridiculous. “I’ve been humming it ever since.”

“I can’t help that. I still stick to it that I wrote it.”

“You aren’t George Bevan!”

“I am!”

“But⁠—” Miss Plummer’s voice almost failed here⁠—“But I’ve been dancing to your music for years! I’ve got about fifty of your records on the Victrola at home.”

George blushed. However successful a man may be he can never get used to Fame at close range.

“Why, that tricky thing⁠—you know, in the second act⁠—is the darlingest thing I ever heard. I’m mad about it.”

“Do you mean the one that goes lumty-lumty-tum, tumty-tumty-tum?”

“No the one that goes ta-rumty-tum-tum, ta-rumty-tum. You know! The one about Granny dancing the shimmy.”

“I’m not responsible for the words, you know,” urged George hastily. “Those are wished on me by the lyrist.”

“I think the words are splendid. Although poor popper thinks its improper, Granny’s always doing it and nobody can stop her! I loved it.” Miss Plummer leaned forward excitedly. She was an impulsive girl. “Lady Caroline.”

Conversation stopped. Lady Caroline turned.

“Yes, Millie?”

“Did you know that Mr. Bevan was the Mr. Bevan?”

Everybody was listening now. George huddled pinkly in his chair. He had not foreseen this ballyhooing. Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego combined had never felt a tithe of the warmth that consumed him. He was essentially a modest young man.

“The Mr. Bevan?” echoed Lady Caroline coldly. It was painful to her to have to recognize George’s existence on the same planet as herself. To admire him, as Miss Plummer apparently expected her to do, was a loathsome task. She cast one glance, fresh from the refrigerator, at the shrinking George, and elevated her aristocratic eyebrows.

Miss Plummer was not damped. She was at the hero-worshipping age, and George shared with the Messrs. Fairbanks, Francis X. Bushman, and one or two tennis champions an imposing pedestal in her Hall of Fame.

“You know! George Bevan, who wrote the music of Follow the Girl.”

Lady Caroline showed no signs of thawing. She had not heard of Follow the Girl. Her attitude suggested that, while she admitted the possibility of George having disgraced himself in the manner indicated, it was nothing to her.

“And all those other things,” pursued Miss Plummer indefatigably. “You must have heard his music on the Victrola.”

“Why, of course!”

It was not Lady Caroline who spoke, but a man further down the table. He spoke with enthusiasm.

“Of course, by Jove!” he said. “The Schenectady Shimmy, by Jove, and all that! Ripping!”

Everybody seemed pleased and interested. Everybody, that is to say, except Lady Caroline and Lord Belpher. Percy was feeling that he had been tricked. He cursed the imbecility of Keggs in suggesting that this man should be invited to dinner. Everything had gone wrong. George was an undoubted success. The majority of the company were solid for him. As far as exposing his unworthiness in the eyes of Maud was concerned, the dinner had been a ghastly failure. Much better to have left him to lurk in his infernal cottage. Lord Belpher drained his glass moodily. He was seriously upset.

But his discomfort at that moment was as nothing to the agony which rent his tortured soul a moment later. Lord Marshmoreton, who had been listening with growing excitement to the chorus of approval, rose from his seat. He cleared his throat. It was plain that Lord Marshmoreton had something on his mind.

“Er.⁠ ⁠…” he said.

The clatter of conversation ceased once more⁠—stunned, as it always is at dinner parties when one of the gathering is seen to have assumed an upright position. Lord Marshmoreton cleared his throat again. His tanned face had taken on a deeper hue, and there was a look in his eyes which seemed to suggest that he was defying something or somebody. It was the look which Ajax had in his eyes when he defied the lightning, the look which nervous husbands have when they announce their intention of going round the corner to bowl a few games with the boys. One could not say definitely that Lord Marshmoreton looked pop-eyed. On the other hand, one could not assert truthfully that he did not. At any rate, he was manifestly embarrassed.