Beautifully Torn by Charity Parkerson (books for men to read .txt) 📕

Flames of desire licked at Jinx’s skin. He had known Rocky would be like this. That was exactly why he had planned to steal a fast kiss and move away. Jinx wasn’t sure how to feel. He didn’t know why Hudson wanted this. While Jinx had always known Hudson wouldn’t fall in love with him or even want a relationship with him, they had a sexual relationship. Jinx felt at sea. His chest was too full with Rocky’s tongue stroking his. The world no longer existed with Rocky’s lips on Jinx’s skin. Unlike with Hudson, where Jinx could force himself to understand why Hudson would never want more, Jinx didn’t think he could do the same with Rocky. There was no going back.

Rocky pulled away but didn’t release Jinx. For a moment, they stared at each other. Rocky looked turned on. Jinx couldn’t tear his gaze away from the sight.

“See what you two have been missing? All this time, pretending—” Rocky’s hand shot out, snagging Hudson’s shirt and cutting off his lecture. Before Jinx understood his intentions, Rocky dragged Hudson up and forward. Jinx fought to grasp his place as Rocky reclaimed Jinx’s mouth, but with Hudson as part of their kiss. Jinx wasn’t one to sleep around. He had never been in this position before. All he knew any longer was pure need. Until he ended up right here, Jinx hadn’t realized how much he wanted it. Lately, he had been depressingly torn. His mind had been a mess. He was in love with Rocky, even though he knew it would lead to heartbreak. Jinx also hadn’t protected his heart from Hudson, even though he knew Hudson only wanted to fuck him. Jinx had never felt more vulnerable than he did in that moment. He was overwhelmed. Without thought, he blindly climbed from the bed. Hands tried to keep him from leaving. Jinx didn’t stop. He headed for the bathroom and into the walk-in closet where he had found a secret passageway a few months back. Once inside the quiet passageway inside the walls, Jinx finally stopped and took a breath. With his eyes closed, he leaned against the wall and focused on the sound of the air leaving his lungs. Humiliation tried creeping in, but Jinx shut his mind against it. No one understood. It had been less than a year since his mom died and his life changed. Zayn had taken him in and saved his sanity, but Jinx still wasn’t whole. He didn’t have the strength to get his heart broken. Hudson and Rocky were probably fucking in Jinx’s bed right now and... goddamn it. Jinx just wanted to be special to someone. Why wasn’t he special? His eyes burned. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Jinx covered his face. He tried breathing through the pain, but the tears wouldn’t stop. There was no strength left in him after years of watching his mom wither away. He was tired, and he missed having someone love him unconditionally. Jinx couldn’t carry this. He might not survive the fall.

“I’m sorry.”

Jinx wasn’t surprised Rocky found him. He swiped at his eyes. “Fuck. Don’t apologize. That makes it worse.”

Rocky didn’t say anything else. Jinx still couldn’t look his way. He felt like an idiot.

“I’m guessing you’ve changed your mind about me staying with you.”

Fuck his life. Hudson was here too. It seemed everyone would get to witness him falling apart. “Could you both just go away?”

“No.”

A watery-sounding laugh burst from Jinx at Rocky’s answer. He swiped harder at his eyes, trying to make the tears stop. “Surprise. I’m a mess. Does it make you feel better to see it?”

“You’re not a mess. Hudson is the disaster.”

“Gee, thanks,” Hudson muttered at Rocky’s claim.

Rocky snorted. “Everyone knows green hair is the last stage of a mental breakdown.”

A smile unexpectedly pulled at Jinx’s lips. He felt like an idiot. Jinx took a calming breath. “I’m sorry.”

Hudson hissed. “Damn. I see now why you didn’t want an apology. Don’t say that. It makes me feel like you didn’t want to be kissed.”

At Hudson’s claim, Jinx finally found the strength to turn his head and look their way. Rocky and Hudson looked every bit as upset as Jinx. He felt like shit. They were good men. It genuinely wasn’t their fault he had been at his breaking point for a long time. “I don’t know what I want. That’s not true,” Jinx said every bit as quickly. “I’m just not very strong.”

Rocky nodded—like he understood. “That’s okay. How about we go to bed and I hog the covers? You two can fight for warmth and I’ll know you’re both safe for the night.”

Jinx sniffed and straightened away from the wall. He nodded, since he didn’t think his voice would work. As a unit, they headed back to Jinx’s bed. Jinx climbed in and watched as Hudson and Rocky stripped down to their underwear. They were equally gorgeous, but in different ways. Even though Hudson wasn’t a big guy, he was still bigger than Jinx. Jinx felt tiny while waiting for the pair to join him. He didn’t know where he should be, so he stayed in the middle of his bed, where he usually slept. Hudson climbed over him and settled on one side while Rocky took the other.

“Let me be the first to tell you; you’re an adult now. It’s time to put your bed in the center of the room.” Hudson snuggled in close as he made the suggestion. He kissed Jinx’s cheek. “I’m older than you and pee a lot. You can’t make me climb over everyone all night, every night like this.”

“We’ll fix it tomorrow,” Rocky said, planning Jinx’s life as he too scooted as close as possible. “You’ll survive for one night.”

Jinx wanted to ask how many nights they intended to spend in his bed, but he was too scared to start that subject. Instead, he stayed