The Crush by Ward Penelope (best book recommendations txt) 📕

five before lunging forward. The gun slipped out of his hand, but he grabbed it before I could. And that’s when he...” I couldn’t finish the sentence.

With tears in her eyes, she reached for my hand again. “It’s okay.”

“I have to accept that I may have caused what happened. But when I made that decision, I felt like he was going to pull the trigger. I didn’t want your mom to have to witness that. I don’t know what would be different today if I hadn’t lunged. I don’t know if it would’ve changed the outcome or just the circumstances. But keeping it all inside, trying to block it out, has been toxic. When you don’t deal with something like this, it grows inside you like a cancer. And eventually, it will kill you. Guilt and negative emotions can kill you.”

“You’re so right,” she said. “I spent the majority of my teen years trying to hold it together, never wanting to show my pain or burden others with it. But the truth is, sometimes, even today, I’m so angry at the world, I just want to scream.”

I looked around at the vast lake. “This looks like a pretty damn good place to lose it. There’s no one in the vicinity.” I arched my brow. “I’ll scream if you scream.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am.” I grinned. “On the count of three, okay?”

“Okay.” She squeezed my hand.

“One…two…three…”

We screamed together at the top of our lungs like a couple of lunatics, our voices echoing in the open air. It might have seemed like a crazy thing to do, but it was beautiful. We were letting go—together. Each time we’d stop, one of us would do it again. We probably screamed for three minutes straight.

When we finally stopped, an indescribable calm came over me. It felt like what I imagined a race car driver felt when he finally stopped his car and got out. I sensed the same calmness in Farrah as we resumed sitting in silence again, staring out at the lake.

About five minutes later, our peace was interrupted when a police car pulled up on the gravel road behind us. The cop got out and headed toward us. We both stood. Farrah brushed some grass off her butt.

“Everything okay, officer?” I asked.

He ignored my question and headed straight to Farrah. “Are you okay, ma’am? Someone reported screaming coming from this area. Was it you?”

I guess this lake wasn’t as private as I’d thought.

• • •

Christmas Eve at Farrah and Nathan’s was low-key and just what the doctor ordered. I’d refused to let Farrah bear the brunt of all the food preparation this time, so I’d insisted on handling everything. I placed an order for an entire ham dinner with all of the fixings from Regina’s. Dad and I picked up the food on our way to their house.

We had a nice, drama-free meal. Farrah and I had a blast telling Dad the story of how we’d nearly gotten arrested for causing a public disturbance down at the lake. The best part of the night? When Farrah announced that she’d officially closed the door on any reconciliation with Niles. She’d met with him to exchange some items and made it clear that things were over between them for good. That news was the best damn Christmas gift. Even if she never wanted to be with me again, at least I knew that asshole wouldn’t be the one to have her. She deserved so much better.

The only thing keeping me from totally relaxing tonight was the constant need to tell her how I felt. It was like Thanksgiving all over again, but ten times worse. I still didn’t know if she’d ever be ready to give me another chance. Did she prefer to keep me in the friend zone forever and not risk getting hurt again? She’d just gotten out of a relationship, so it wasn’t exactly an ideal time to start anything with someone else anyway. The uncertainty of it all left me unsettled and unable to totally enjoy the evening. I needed to unleash these feelings, but I didn’t want to hear her tell me there would never be another chance for us. So keeping my heart to myself for now felt like the safest thing.

After dinner, we all went into the living room to watch It’s a Wonderful Life. My parents had always insisted on playing that movie every Christmas. This year it was even more important to keep that tradition because it had meant so much to my mother.

Dad sat on the end of the couch, I was in the middle, and Farrah was on the other side. I reminisced a little about our leg games back in the day, but I didn’t make a move. About halfway into the film, though, something incredible happened: Farrah rested her head on my shoulder. It might have been a casual thing, but to me, it was a sign of comfort and trust. This was a huge deal—it meant everything. Still, I warned myself not to take it as a sign to push for more anytime soon. I decided to enjoy it without trying to figure out what it meant for the future. Leaning my head into hers, I took a deep breath of her scent.

Once the movie ended, Dad seemed eager to go, though I was nowhere near ready to leave.

My father put his jacket on. “Farrah and Nathan, it’s been a pleasure, but this old man needs his beauty rest.”

“Thank you for tonight,” I said, pulling Farrah into a hug and savoring every second of her soft breasts pressed against my chest. Feeling her heart beat against mine was a bonus. “This was the best Christmas Eve we could have hoped for.”

I leaned down to kiss her cheek and noticed the changing color of her skin. She still reacted as strongly to me physically as she ever had. Yet I knew I couldn’t act on that.

“Be careful driving,” she said.

“Sweet