Myth 18 - MythChief by Asprin, Robert (good non fiction books to read .TXT) 📕

The boneless beings had eight limbs and two huge eyes. They

slithered rather than walked, and people were always sur-​prised that invertebrates like that were intelligent. I cleared my throat.

“There are a lot of other people who undertake that kind of mission. Not me. You sound like you already have all the details. All you have to do is go ahead and follow the in-​structions you gave me. It sounds pretty straightforward. You could do it yourself.”

“I don't want to do it myself,” the Orkta said, his pale green face glowing phosphorescent. “Are you calling me spineless?”

I didn't have a reply that wouldn't sound insulting, so I just summoned my bouncer. “Gleep!”

“Sorry,” I said, looking up blearily at the Indigone. I had spent another long day listening to would-​be clients trying to hire me for straightforward magikal enterprises. “What's the question you need answered?”

That took the burly, blue-​furred gentleman aback. He thought about it. “How much will it cost me to get you to go and get my grandfather's picture back from my ex-​wife before she sells it?”

“That's not really what I do,” I explained, for maybe the twentieth time that day. “You know what you need. You don't require my advice. There's no mystery here. You need someone to go and talk your ex into giving up the portrait, steal it, or buy it from her.”

“Yeah,” the fellow said. “Someone. You. How about it?”

I shook my head. “Not me. I know some great people who can take the job on for a reasonable fee,” I said, reach-​ing into my desk for the top card off the stack of M.Y.T.H., Inc. cards I had placed there. “Er, you don't have to tell them I sent you. The ... er... price might go up if you do.”

“Gotcha,” the fellow said, rising. He took the little paste-​board and stowed it away in a lock of fur. “Whatever. I might just go steal it back myself since you mention it.”

“I'm not suggesting that,” I said, in alarm. “Forget it, guy.” The fellow leered. “I never heard it from you.”

When the flap closed behind him, I could see Bunny grinning at me from the doorway. “Don't say it,” I warned her. “Not a word,” she promised me. I clutched my head.

None of the potential clients were giving me the chance I needed to prove myself! I faced a more complex chal-​lenge than I had ever foreseen. Not only was I trying to get my new business going, but I had to keep from cheating my old partners.

“Go get some lunch,” Bunny said. “I'll mind the store. Maybe a good prospect will come in while you're gone.”

“I'll bring you a sandwich,” I promised.

“Hey, Skeeve,” Gus the Gargoyle called to me, as I entered the Golden Crescent Inn. After the carefully low-​key decor of my new office, the inn almost sent my eyeballs into sen-​sory overload. Every surface was brightly colored and shiny, reflecting the magikal light that issued from round white balls scattered around the ceiling. “The usual?”

“Strawberry milk shake,” I agreed, leaning on the coun-​ter. “And today's special.”

“One usual coming up,” he said, brightly. “And a usual for Bunny when you're done?”

“Right,” I said. “Thanks.”

I found a seat at a corner table and sat with my back against the wall, with a good view of the restaurant. I har-​bored no illusion that I was as safe here as I was in my own

home or office. Most people liked me, but I knew some who felt grudges against me and my friends. I waved a ca-​sual hello to faces that I knew. Some looked surprised to see me, but some didn't. Word got around fast.

Gus himself brought my tray. He offered me the milk shake, straw already bent to the angle I favored. I took an appreciative sip.

“No one makes them like you do,” I said.

“Thanks, Skeeve,” the Gargoyle said, in his gravelly voice. “Hey. it's nice to have you for a neighbor. Glad you're back in town.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“You got a moment?” he asked.

“For you? Anytime. Do you want to sit down?”

“Nah. On duty. Well, listen . ..” Gus looked uncomfort-​able, his craggy jaw working. “I noticed that you haven't got any of the old gang with you. Except Miss Bunny.”

“No,” I said cautiously.

“I don't have to know why. Ain't none of my business. I just wanted to know ... y'know . .. nah.” “What is it, Gus?” I asked.

He looked sheepish, not an easy maneuver for someone with a solid stone face.

“Well, you know, if you are lookin' for some new old help. I mean, we worked together once, and you thought I did a good job ... Have any room for me?”

“Well...” I knew I was gawking. Gus's mouth turned down, and he backed hastily away from the table.

“I can see you hesitate. Never mind.”

“Wait!” I said.

The first thought that wanted to jump out of my mouth was that I had wanted to open this new business by myself, and see how I did, before I would even consider asking any-​one else to join me.

The thought was overtaken by a second thought that was a lot wiser and a lot more painful to contemplate.

What was I trying to prove? Who was I trying to prove something to? Myself? I already knew that I never got any-​where I wanted to go on my own. Why shouldn't I have one of my oldest and best friends around?

“Gee, Gus,” I said. “Please come back. Sit down. I was just surprised. I'm not looking for help because I just don't have