Here Be Dragons - 1 by Sharon Penman (best inspirational books txt) 📕

mouth, but the words would not come. It was not that she'd liked his embrace too little; it was that she'd liked it too much. But how could she ever tell him that?EDNYVED crossed the great hall, sloshed a dripping cup into Llewelyn's hand."Here. Whenever I am wroth with Gwenllian, I find mead to be a great restorative.""Why should you think I'm wroth with Joanna?""Why, indeed? The lass spoke not three words at dinner, fled ere the tables could be cleared away, and now you keep to the hall like a man in search of sanctuary. But you have not quarrelednot you.""I did not say that. I said I was not angry with Joanna. Well ... I admit Idid lose my temper this afternoon. I should not have, but I do keep forgetting how very young she is. It is for that reason that I've kept to the hall, my way of making amends. You see, Joanna did not realize there is no lady chamber here at Dolwyddelan. She took one look at our bed, and her face took on all the colors of sunset. So ... I thought to give her time to get to sleep first.. . my good deed for the day!""She's nigh on fifteen, is she not?" Ednyved asked, his voice noncommittal."But she still has the emotions of a child, Ednyved, is not yet ready to be a wife.""You know her better than I. But there are women who shrink from the marriage bed, from a man's touch. Are you sure that your Joanna is not one such?""As to that, I cannot be sure till I bed her. But I think not, think she merely needs time."Ednyved looked at the other man, startled by a sudden surge of

223It was obvious it had not even occurred to Llewelyn that Joanna etljpty might not find him to her liking Just as it had not occurred to jyJs to worry whether Catnn would want him, would share his sudden assion Ednyved reclaimed the cup of mead, wondenng what it would L like to be so free of self-doubtWith only one woman had he felt it, ^th his first wife Tangwystl, daughter ofLord Llyvvarch of Bran, he and Llewelyn had often joked about it, the confusion that resulted from their women sharing a Christian name In the early y«»ars of trlelr marriage, she'd come quite eagerly to his bed But then the pregnancies began Six sons she'd given him in less than nine years, had died giving birth to their last-born Four years ago he'd married Gwenlhan, heiress of Dyffryn Clwyd, daughter of Lord Rhys, Prince of South Wales It was a brilliant match, but a loveless marriage Most of the time he did not feel the lack But there were nights, like this one, when he remembered the gentle, dark-eyed Tangwystl, felt the dull throb of an old grief"So what mean you to do, Llewelyn wait for Joanna to grow up7""Why not7 If a wife is not worth taking some trouble with, who is7 Besides, Ilike the lass, would rather she be content that not " Llewelyn half rose, beckoned to a cupbearer "Nor is my forbearance all that unselfish What man would choose an indifferent bedmate over an ardent one7 If Joanna needs time to reach womanhood, I'm wiumg to give her that time It's not as if I need her now to warm my bec}/ after all " Llewelyn smiled at that, thinking of Cnstyn"Indeed, I'd say not," Ednyved agreed, so emphatically that Llewelyn knew he, too, was thinking of CnstynDAWN light was spilling through the open shutters For a confused moment, Joanna did not remember where she wasnot ui^til she saw Llewelyn lying next to her in the bed At that, she remembered all too well She'd lam awake for hours, waiting for Llewelyn, desperately trying to decide what she could say to himBut when he'd finally come to bed, her courage had failed her again, and as on that night at Rhuddlan Castle, she'd taken refuge in feigned sleepLlewelyn was sprawled on his back, even in sleep, he sought spaceMe was only partially covered with the sheet, and Joanna saw now what e d meant when he'd spoken of his "share of hurts " A knotted, faded scar seared the skin across his nbcage, another, more recent, zigzagged fr°m armpit to collarboneReaching for the sheet, she took care in tucking it about him He acl a third scar, almost invisible, a faint white mark just under his right y row, she'd never noticed it before Her eyes lingered upon his face,

222traced the sleep-softened curve of his mouth. Was it so much to ha asked for?A husband she could respect, a marriage of mutual affectj0 ? She could have been well content with that. But this . . . she could tak no joy now in what she was feeling for the man asleep beside her All her life, she'd had a horror of making a fool of herself; what could corn of this passionate yearning except hurt? And humiliation. Again sh reached out; her fingers stopped just short of Llewelyn's cheek. In her innocence, she'd once thought the worst that could befall a woman was to find herself wed to a husband she did not want.But what of the vvife wed to a man who did not want her?17ABER, NORTH WALESSeptember 1206J.HE air was cool and crisp. Like cider, Joanna thought; it carried a snap. A fleet of rain-swollen clouds sailed across the sun, casting sudden shadows upon the sand. Even the sea seemed to lose color, to take on the chilled grey of darkest December. Joanna shivered, pulled her mantle closer. And then the sun broke through again, resurrecting all the glories of an afternoon in early autumn.The unexpected resurgence of warmth and light took Joanna by surprise. It was almost, she acknowledged wryly, as if she wanted leaden skies and biting winds, wanted a world that mirrored her mood. Snapping her fingers for