The Happy Family by Jackie Kabler (electric book reader txt) 📕

‘Do you need the loo?’ Ruth says with a sidelong glance, as we leave the room. I shake my head.

‘No. I’m just a bit anxious. You’ll see why in a minute,’ I say.

‘Blimey. OK, come on then,’ she says, and seconds later we’re in Deborah’s cosy little consulting room, just big enough for her small desk, a filing cabinet, and a treatment bed. There’s only one spare chair so I tell Ruth to take that and I perch on the bed, its paper covering rustling as I sit down.

‘Right,’ I say. ‘Here we go.’

And I tell my story again, watching both faces carefully. I’m used to the reaction now. When I reach the part about Lucy, again starting to feel ill, Ruth visibly recoils.

‘Beth … wow. That’s a bit of a curve ball.’

‘I know. I’m so sorry. It was such a long time ago … I’m not making excuses; I was a vile kid back then. I’ve never forgiven myself, and now, well …’

I look from Ruth to Deborah. They both look shocked, and who can blame them?

‘I just thought it was time to come clean with everyone. I’ve kept the secret for so many years,’ I say. ‘Maybe Alison did me a favour. Now you all know and you can decide whether you can still stand to be around me or not.’

There’s a long silence, broken only by a ping from Deborah’s computer – an email notification. She glances at the screen then turns to me.

‘Well, I can’t speak for Ruth, but the Beth I know is very different to what you’ve just described. You’re kind and thoughtful and loving, and I for one am happy to leave the past in the past. Ruth?’

Ruth looks intently at Deborah, then gives me the thumbs-up sign.

‘Me too. All good, babes.’

I exhale – I’ve been holding my breath, seemingly without realising it – and bury my face in my hands.

‘Thank you,’ I mumble. ‘Thank you so much.’

I sit there for a few seconds, relief washing over me again, then sit up straight.

‘There’s more, I’m afraid,’ I say.

‘Oh, bloody hell,’ says Ruth.

And off I go again. This time, I don’t even have to ask the question.

‘Well, it’s not me!’ Ruth explodes. ‘Good grief, woman, you can’t really think one of us is your mum? I mean, we’re both turning sixty this year, but that’s about the only … I mean, how would that even have worked? We made up a whole new identity, and coincidentally both worked in the same field as you do? And then found out where you were working and deliberately got a job in the same practice, just to be close to you? And just didn’t bother saying anything? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. And working in this place, I’ve heard plenty of crazy things, let me tell you.’

‘I know, I know! It sounds mad to me too, trust me. But Alison says she’s one of my friends, someone I know. And only a few of you have been in the house recently, so …’

I shrug.

‘Deb?’ I say. She laughs.

‘No! Of course not. Beth, this is insane!’

‘OK, so why …’ I hesitate, but I have to ask. ‘Why have you been acting so oddly then, since Alison appeared on the scene? You’ve been so quiet and distracted. More than once you two stopped talking suddenly when I came into the room. And that day we went for lunch, for example, you barely spoke. I feel like you’ve been avoiding me, and …’

Deborah’s cheeks have been flushing red as I speak, and now she looks down at her hands which are tightly clasped in her lap.

‘Tell her, Deb,’ says Ruth gently, and my heart sinks.

Now what? Is she sick too?

‘Do I have to?’ she replies, not looking up.

‘I think you do really,’ Ruth says, and Deborah sighs heavily.

‘OK,’ she says. She sighs again and lifts her head.

‘Beth, I didn’t want to tell you this, partly because I was ashamed and partly because, well, I know we’re close and all that but at the same time, you’re the practice manager and I didn’t want to put you in an awkward position. If you knew, you might feel you had no choice but to tell the doctors and then my job would probably have been in jeopardy. So I didn’t confide in you, and now, well … oh, this is so difficult. Give me a minute.’

She stands up and walks a few steps across the room, then turns round and walks back.

‘Too small for pacing,’ I say, trying to lighten the mood, and she gives me a little smile. ‘Come on Deb, whatever it is it can’t be as bad as what I’ve just told you?’

‘I suppose … OK, here goes.’

She sits down again, and Ruth pats her arm encouragingly.

‘I’ve been gambling, Beth. Online. It started off with bingo, just a bit of fun to wind down after a long day at work, and then, I don’t know really. It got out of control somehow. I never thought something like that could happen to me; it seems so weak. But it did. I was addicted, properly addicted, for a while, and … well, I’ve stopped now. I’m getting help, finally. But Gavin’s left me over it, Beth. I got myself into a lot of debt – got us into a lot of debt. Thousands and thousands. Even thought for a while we might lose the house, and when Gavin found out he went absolutely ballistic … Anyway, he walked out, and …’

She closes her eyes and takes deep breaths. I want to get up and hug her, but I make myself wait, my heart aching, remembering again the day we went out for lunch but now seeing it in a new light.

She brought her own lunch with her because she couldn’t afford to buy lunch in the café.

Oh Deb, you should have told me …

‘I confided in Ruth, eventually, and she’s been trying to help