Fish: A Memoir of a Boy in Man's Prison by T. Parsell (ready to read books TXT) 📕

something new-we had to remove something else. The inmates wanted more yard time; the warden said programming was essential to reducing recidivism. The inmates wanted conjugal visits; Warden Handlon said no. From what the file told me, the inmate representative council was a waste of time.

At the first meeting, I sat with twelve other inmates-two from each housing unit-one white and one black, as we listened to Warden Handlon breeze through the agenda.

"I hold this meeting every month, so I can keep a pulse on what's important to you." he said. "It's a forum for airing complaints in a constructive manner."

Spaulding was there, since he had been elected to represent E-unit, and was the first to speak when the warden asked if there was any thing to add.

"I'd like to discuss forming a prisoner's progress association. We'd like to have permission to meet in the school," Spaulding said.

"That won't be necessary," the warden said. "We have these meetings for that." Spaulding tried to reply, but the warden cut him off. "Let's move on."

"Inmates' movies?" one of the white inmates asked. "We still have the issue of the movies being mostly about blacks." The black guys moaned in disbelief.

I was hoping Spaulding would bring Miss Bain's point about the content of the movies being a phenomenon of self-hate-but Warden Handlon said, "We'll have to table this for right now. The Reformatory and Riverside selects the movies, and we take advantage of their budgets by viewing them when they're finished."

I spoke up. "Excuse me, Warden Handlon? I noticed in the minutes that last spring you said the same thing. It we're saving money by letting them select the movies for us, why is the money still coming out of our inmate benefit fund?"

"That's enough," he shouted. "We won't have any sharp shooting in my meetings."

I was shocked, not sure that I understood why he exploded, but I could see that I better let the matter drop. The other cons looked at me like I was a fool. Here I had been proud of myself for digging up facts like Miss Bain had told us. I thought the inmates would be impressed. I should have remembered what she said about choosing your battles.

"Let's move on," Warden Handlon said.

Miss Bain later reminded me that Warden Handlon runs a tight ship. "It's not any different with staff. He's tough and demands respect. You can't question his authority, because you'll never win."

"Miss Kiley said he was mad at me for filing a grievance. Why would he care?"

"Grievances are one way his bosses measure how well he's running the facility. While he's penalized for them, they are one of many factors that indicate how he's doing. He keeps expenses low, he always looks for bargains, and if you suggest he spend money, it better be worth it."

"Well, he could just say that," I said. "He didn't have to yell at me."

"He probably yelled at you to keep you in your place," she said. "It's just his style. I wouldn't take it personally."

I knew she was telling me this for my own good. She didn't have to risk speaking out against the warden, but it reflected who she was; a brave person with a lot of integrity. I savored every minute I could hang out in her office and would have stayed the whole day if she had let me. I wondered if she hated being inside a prison as much as I did.

"I like what I'm doing," she said. "And I'm learning a lot from Warden Handlon."

"Really?"

"He's a legend in corrections," she said. "There's a lot you could learn from him, by studying him."

There was that word again-study. It seemed the theme of the moment. Paul was telling me to study the inmates, to see what I can learn about themand now Sherry was saying I could learn by studying Warden Handlon.

"But I hate him," I said. "And do you really think he likes black people?"

I knew it was a cheap shot, but Sherry made me feel I could speak openly. Handlon was a member of the local country club, and he'd lived in Ionia where there weren't any blacks. Those who worked in the prison commuted from Lansing or Grand Rapids.

"Warden Handlon has the ability to see the future," Sherry said. "He knows what it takes to get by. And whatever his personal feelings might be, he's going to be part of that future."

I looked at her and nodded. "But don't you think that he's prejudiced?"

"No I don't. He's led the department in hiring minorities. He's recruited down south to bring more in, and he's the one who interviewed and hired me."

"How was that? The interview, I mean?"

"He got all up in my personal business, for one," Sherry said, laughing. "Asking all kinds of questions he shouldn't have been asking."

"Like what?"

"Like am I dating anyone? How come I'm not married? Do you have any kids?"

"You can't ask those things?"

"It's not really relevant," she said. "It was like the guys on The Oracle making a big deal about your lifestyle. Anyway, I get along with him pretty well. He never talks to me like he does the others, because I respect him and I have his respect."

"How does that work?"

"Well for one, when he tells me to do something I don't agree withinstead of arguing about it, I say, `I'll do this, but I don't agree with you.' I never argue with him and I always do what he says. Some of the best lessons can be learned by doing something you don't want to do."

"Like not sharpshooting at his meeting?"

"He's been a good mentor to me," she said. "He's had more wardens come up under him than any other warden in Michigan. So I hope to keep right on learning. I have a future too, you know."

I looked at her and was amazed.

When Paul told me he couldn't be my man because he was gay, he was speaking to the misunderstandings of masculinity and power