The Bookshop of Second Chances by Jackie Fraser (best life changing books .TXT) 📕

work harder up here too – these aren’t people I’ve known for twenty years plus, after all; they could easily drop me if I don’t make an effort. No one turned us down, all intrigued, I should think, to visit the flat and see us together. Even Charles accepted, much to my surprise and Edward’s irritation.

‘You don’t have to talk to him,’ I said.

‘Huh.’

‘Well, you don’t. He knows everyone else, doesn’t he? Just say hello. Be charming, I know you can do it.’

‘Pah.’

‘It’s only for a couple of hours,’ I coaxed. ‘Then they’ll all be gone and I can make it up to you.’

‘Oh yeah. And how are you going to do that?’

‘I don’t know. You see if you can think of anything.’

‘Charles is very drunk,’ I say. ‘I’ve never seen him like this.’

‘Me neither,’ says Jenny.

‘I shouldn’t have invited him. I feel pretty stupid.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

‘And Edward’s furious.’ I wring my hands.

‘He’ll get over it. Do you want me to talk to Charles?’

‘No, you go and make sure everyone’s happy, got enough to eat. I suppose I should call a cab or something, he can’t drive home in this state, can he?’

‘You’ll be lucky to get one.’

‘Bloody hell. Honestly, I hate drama,’ I say. ‘I’d better go up and make sure he’s not passed out or…’

I hurry up the stairs. The crashing from the bathroom has stopped. I’m worried he’s trashed it, though, or been into the bedroom or something. I’m not sure how we got to this point; everything seemed to be going so well.

‘Fucking idiots,’ I mutter. Edward stamped off downstairs earlier and if there weren’t guests here, I’d have gone after him. Not that he should need going after, for God’s sake – he’s an adult. Allegedly.

I tap on the bathroom door. ‘Charles? Charles, are you okay?’

Silence.

I rattle the handle, and the door, surprisingly, opens. No sign of him. ‘Oh,’ I say. ‘Where are you?’

Don’t be in the study, I think, a sudden image of Charles tearing up Edward’s notes or breaking his records. But he’s not in there, either, or in our bedroom. I open the door of the larger of the spare bedrooms cautiously. ‘Charles?’

It’s very dark, which makes me think he must be in here because someone must have drawn the blind. I reach for the light switch.

‘Don’t put the light on,’ he says.

‘Come on now, you can’t hide up here in the dark. Or do you need to lie down? You can if you like. Or I can see if I can get you a cab, or call Lynda?’

‘She’ll be in bed. I can drive myself.’

‘I don’t think you can,’ I say, peering into the gloom. ‘Or at least, you shouldn’t.’ I can’t tell where he is, but I sort of assume he’s sitting on the bed. He isn’t though, because when I step further into the room, he shuts the door behind me. I turn round quickly, but I still can’t see him. He must be standing in front of the door; the narrow line of light from the landing is obscured on one side, where the hinges are.

I’m suddenly rather nervous, although at the same time that seems silly. Doesn’t it? He’s practically my brother-in-law, after all.

For some reason this doesn’t reassure me even slightly.

‘Now I can’t see anything,’ I complain, trying to sound calm. ‘What are you doing up here anyway?’

‘I hoped you’d come to look for me,’ he says. He doesn’t sound as drunk as he did earlier.

‘Well, here I am, looking – or trying to look – and I wish you’d open the door.’ I peer into the gloom, the darkness pressing felt-like against my eyeballs.

‘I don’t want to.’

‘I can’t stay up here in the dark with you, Charles. There are other people here, you know.’

‘You should be doing your hostess thing.’

‘Yes, I should.’

We stand in silence for a moment.

‘Nice for Edward,’ he says.

‘What is?’

‘That he’s got you and I’ve got nothing.’

‘Oh bloody hell,’ I say. ‘Come on, don’t be–’

‘Don’t be what? Don’t be fucking furious? Too late.’

‘Charles–’

‘He ruined my life,’ he says. ‘What about if I ruin his?’

‘Charles. You know he felt like you already had, that’s why he… You know all that stuff didn’t come from nowhere.’

‘I don’t care about that. I want to know what he’ll think about you being up here with me.’

‘Yes, I expect he’ll be annoyed,’ I say, trying to remember where the furniture is in here, and whether there’s anything I could maybe hit him with. Of course, I would be in one of the only two rooms in the house with no flipping books.

‘If I told him we’d had sex,’ he says, conversationally, ‘do you think he’d believe me?’

I do something that can only be described as a full-body eyeroll. ‘Oh my God. No.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because he’d believe me,’ I say, ‘wouldn’t he? And I’d tell him we hadn’t.’

‘What if we did?’

‘Can you stop talking like this? And let me out? There’s no point in any of this. I’m sorry I invited you,’ I add. ‘I hoped you’d be able to get past all the–’

‘You think I’ll be able to get past my brother sleeping with my wife?’

I roll my eyes again, not that he can see me.

‘It’s a long time ago. I know you were upset, and who can blame you? It was an awful thing to do. But he’s right when he says she can’t have cared that much. It’s easy to avoid having an affair with your brother-in-law, you know. It isn’t only Edward’s fault.’

‘And what about the others?’

‘None of them would have slept with him if they didn’t want to, would they? Come on, try to be objective about it. I’m sure it’s horrible to think about, but seriously.’

‘And how’s that supposed to make me feel? That anyone I care for would cheat on me with my brother?’

I sigh. ‘It’s supposed to make you feel like shit, isn’t it? I’m not defending his actions.’

‘You don’t care. It doesn’t bother you that he could do something