Life Matters by E.C.Nemeth (read aloud TXT) 📕

the realm of bodies. Faith can only be given to what is known without hindrance. And the body seems to hinder what is forever joined as one. And that is just another way of saying the mere semblance of reality cannot long satisfy the eternal, or those engaged in the honest searching for truth. That is the amazing coherent and comprehensive nature of the truth: it is simple and it is without contradiction. It is circular; it encompasses itself.
The description of my mundane life leads to expressions of truth because such memories are always an error in perception and my faith naturally calls for correction.
The breakup
So after numerous altercations, some violent arguing that actually lead to police getting involved, once going to jail for the night with her in the cell next to mine, countless threats to leave, many move outs and move back ins, one night in late February or early March of our fourth year together, after a phone call gone wrong, I decided to leave Val for good.
She never called me and I didn't call her. And the days slowly moved on.
I was lonely and missed Val. Sometimes I would mist up just thinking she didn't love me anymore. I couldn't believe it. Val might be messed up but she loves me with all her might. And I felt guilty because it had always been my responsibility to hold on to our love, to come back and try again. But I had learned that I was only enabling her, that I was locking her into her role. I had to leave her for me, to respect myself. And I had to leave her to let her see the stark contrast of that old familiar lifestyle to life with me. And I would cry to think she hadn't chosen me. That the old lifestyle had won.
I didn’t hear from Val for four months.
The makeup
One day, out of the blue, she calls me, says she's been in recovery the last three months, that she's clean, and she loves me still, of course.
Of course, O my God!, of Course! Thank the heavens, my Valdi still loves me, of course!
Jypsy Veldean Mason, her mother had a sense of humor, eh?, moved back in with me in July. We've been together ever since. She just commented tonight, saying: notice how we never fight anymore. It's true, we rarely do. When we do get angry we bounce back very quickly. We both remember our love and how important it is to both of us. I tell Val I loved her before I met her, that I used to dream of her long before we met, and its true, I did.
So Val moved back in and we went back to our usual routine. I would go and hustle up work and she would keep house. We never had much money but we were honestly happy. Happy in the moment at least, but our pasts still haunted us both. I think our pasts are fading as we see that they are truly gone, that they are not repeating in yet a new form the same old crappy victim scenario. We are responding to our surroundings in new and unexpected ways. It seems to be extending from the sure safety of our relationship. It is not yet being consistently applied but tending in that direction. There seems to be more love to go around, available to be shared. It is a miracle of incredible proportions for it reaches to every living thing in this world and beyond.
We're so close. I'm not sure if Val realizes it consciously. I can feel it. It's coming closer. My heart expands with emotion at the thought. There are no words to describe it. Something is so close and it's coming to change the world. Not externally but from the inside out. It comes because we have let it in, invited it into our hearts. What is this it? It is the recognition of what is true about us. It is the truth dawning on a mind still reeling with confusion.
My God loves me, of course! With a Love so perfect only a mind free of illusion could grasp. God's Love unites the universe in harmony, peace and joy. God's Love completes me, and in that completion is the world saved.
That is perfect love.
ACIM
Somewhere along the way, maybe in 2002 sometime, I was referred to A Course in Miracles. That book turned my life upside down. I immediately understood this was a very special book and spoke directly of truth the way no other book, before or since, has done. I won’t go into details but to say that the book caused a severe and traumatic reaction from my ego. That is because the book reveals the ego for what it is and uncovers the ego’s motives. My ego did not like that, not one bit. It had been very happy with the mess it had already made of my life and it thought it had me beat. The Course in Miracles gave me cause to hope and my ego was outraged. Thus began a war of the self against the self.
But sometimes I transcend these earthly chains and connect to a much greater power. That power speaks of my limitless potential and my infinite creative ability. At first, that aspect of myself went completely unrecognized but as time moved on I had more and more direct experiences of my ability to perform miracles.
In 2004 I began a course in miracles, literally. It played havoc with my life, at least I perceived it that way. The course is a workbook with lessons for every day of the year, along with a more lengthy text that precedes it and a short manual for teachers that follows it. It is a magnificent book, especially the text. Even the manual is full of interesting ideas. But the course is designed to save time, by its own admission, in the order of decades and even centuries. What this entails is basically a crash course in mind training. And the ego does not like change, especially one as dangerous as that of a course in miracles. The text and the lessons expose the ego and clearly define its motives and what it is. Thus found out, the ego does away with subtlety and just goes for the throat. It is this resistance, this mindless fury, that wreaks havoc on my life.
About halfway through the course I began to falter. The ego was too crafty and too adept at creating confusion and chaos. I knew I wouldn't hold out much longer because the stress level was becoming unbearable. Everything was going wrong. I was going deeper into debt and my business was barely keeping me alive. Val was doing her usual thing. She'd be home for a few weeks and then she'd be gone for days at a stretch. When she'd come home she'd be in terrible shape and very cranky. The foul mood she'd bring home would often set me off and we'd have a giant blowout. And I'd pack up in a huff and leave. But by this time I had worn out my welcome at all my friends and family - I had no place to go. So I'd often sleep in my car and shower at friends, that sort of thing. Then a day or two later we would make up and everything would be fine for a few weeks before starting all over again.
It was about mid-June when I got this idea to search for others doing "the work". The following Wednesday night I went to my first group meeting. I met some interesting people that night that would later become very close friends, temporarily. I felt better after the meeting and so the next week I went again. And I kept going. I even went to a couple of very intensive weekend seminars. Then in January 2005, I enrolled in Practitioner’s Course 1, the first year of a three year course based on the principles as taught in the book, A Course In Miracles, by a familiar but strangely anonymous author. I leave the description as it stands, purposely enigmatic. I did a lot of personal work that year and it was painful, scary, happy and joyful all jumbled up together. By the end of the program I was exhausted and confused.
A year or two later I started and completed the course in the book. It profoundly affected me and yet I found a way to sort of live a duel life. One was the world of the mundane, the other was the world of mysteries and miracles. Again, it was confusing and contradictory, and ultimately unsustainable.
Business
One day on the way to work, I suddenly had this idea to start my own electrical business. So I turned around and went home to plan my strategy. I asked my good friend Farook if he wanted to be my partner and he said okay. We right away had an argument about the financial split, me pushing for a sixty - forty split and Farook wanting fifty - fifty. I agreed to an even split but reluctantly.
I put an ad in the paper and then we proceeded to wait for work. Our first job came about two weeks later, a whopping thirty dollar job. Two days later we got another call for one hundred and fifty dollars. I made up some fliers and convinced Farook to help me distribute them door to door. Meanwhile, little bits of work kept us going. I had two thousand dollars put aside for the business and I soon went through it all. Four years later I would still be struggling to pay myself back that seed money but was never able to.
Within three months the stress of being constantly broke got to me and I began resenting Farook's cut of the business. I did all the work to get the jobs and then I did all the work on the jobs and Farook was getting half the profits! One day I let it out and Farook was insulted and quit. He would quit seven times before I finally held him to it. So six months into my business I was the sole proprietor and work began to pour in. I made some money, never enough mind, but at least we had food in the fridge. I couldn't afford insurance for the car, and I had no money to service the mounting debt on my line of credit and other sources of debt. In the past four years I have had insurance on my car for maybe a total of six months.
And then I got caught driving without insurance and fined six thousand five hundred dollars. It had no real effect on my everyday life but the psychological trauma was considerable. The risk I was taking weighed on my mind, and still does, four years later - because I still haven't been able to save enough money to purchase car insurance. Four years of driving illegally! But I have no choice, they will not give me reasonable rates and I refuse to pay the premium they believe I deserve to pay. Not only do I refuse but I cannot afford it. But without a car I cannot work. It was and still is a real pickle.
A year into my business, there came a day that would prove unmatched by any other day. It was the day I closed three jobs and suddenly found myself with over eight thousand dollars in my pocket! Most of that money was for material for the projects but it felt good just the same. When all was said and done that day I was left with almost three grand. It was