Demons in Our Closets by Kayla Stiles (ebook reader for pc TXT) 📕

Under my tingling fingertips.

My body rising to meet hers,

My yearning for her rising to a peak.

I remember the ever-so-sweet taste of her on my tongue,

Her love and mine combining together

To form an almost palpable veil of lust,

Floating freely in the air between us.

I love her, my dear sweet Angel.

I love you Lizzy. 

I Miss You

10/8/13

8:56 pm

I don’t miss you,

But yet I miss YOU.

I miss the way things used to be,

When we were starting high school and were

The best of friends.

When we could tell each other anything,

And felt like we could be anything.

When we talked of always staying best friends.

When we talked of always being there for one another.

I miss YOU.

But not the you who you’ve become now.

No, not the you that you now are.

I miss the you that you once were,

Before you got stung by the wasp of change.

And you became someone completely different,

Someone completely despised by many.

I miss YOU. But not you now.

Not the you who decided you suddenly hated me,

Not the you who suddenly thought it’d be ok

To start using people for your own personal gain,

To start betraying your supposed friends

And talking shit behind their backs.

I miss YOU.

The you I used to have sleepovers with,

The you I used to do make up with

And dress up and have little photo shoots with.

The you who used to always be there for me in my times of need,

Whom I used to be there for as well.

I miss YOU.

The one whom I used to call my best friend, my sister even!

The one whom I used to be so damn close to,

It hurt to leave your side for too long.

The one who told me that she’d be my surrogate.

The one who shared her life with me.

I miss YOU.

You, who used to always have my back in a fight.

Who used to always be there, my shoulder to cry on,

With warm arms to enfold me in comforting hugs,

With kind words to appease my fears.

I miss YOU.

My first girlfriend, my first kiss with the same sex,

My first almost everything with a girl.

You who sat there when I was upset and held me

And told me everything would be ok.

You, whose house I ran to when I ran away from home that one night.

I miss YOU.

The one who I always imagined spending my days with,

Sitting side by side when we’re old ladies,

Talking about the old days when we were young and youthful.

The one I always thought would stay my friend for the rest of my days.

My buddy, my friend, my ex-girlfriend,… my sister.

I miss YOU.

But not the monster that you’ve now become.

No, never the monster that you’ve become.

I miss the you who used to be you.

The you I fell so hard for and attached so adherently to.

I miss you, but you don’t miss me.

So this is how it has to be.

Separated for all time,

No longer even able to call one another so much as acquaintances.

I miss you. I just wish you’d finally grow the fuck up,

And finally miss me again.

Isolation

3/26/14

She sits in the forest,

Alone and isolated from the rest of the world.

The middle of Autumn.

The crisp, cool breeze rustles the trees’ leaves

Of vibrant reds, mellow yellows, and great greens.

She sits alone, thinking, just thinking.

Thinking about the past,

Contemplating the present,

Mesmerized by thoughts of the future.

The still-green tree stump

Rooted underneath her rump,

Her only stability.

The whispering trees and cold breeze,

Her only companions,

The only ones to hear her cries.

She feels alone, isolated from the whole world.

As though she’s all alone and no one else is there.

No one there for her in her time of need.

Sunken deep in the muds of utter depression,

Drowning in the pool of despair,

She’s no idea what to do next.

Who to believe, who to listen to.

She’s alone, and no one will hear her screams of anguish,

Her tortured cries and body-wracking sobs.

She’s all alone, lost in her world of isolation.

Will anyone save her?

Can anyone even attempt to?

May 13, 2012

By: Kayla “Fate” Stiles

Written: January 27, 2014

On this, the day meant to celebrate mothers, a most terrible thing occurred.

I lost my sister, my Familiar, my friend… my daughter.

She’s so beautiful, with long, soft gray fur

Spattered and spotted with spots and patches of orange and white.

She’s a pastel calico. A most gorgeous cat.

With the softest declawed paws and the most melodious meow.

Two days before this day, I picked up my dear Gadget to pet her,

And then released her to let her jump from my arms.

Except this time she stumbled and almost smacked her face into the wall.

I laughed, thinking she was just being clumsy.

But then she stood right by Cali and didn’t hiss like she usually did,

Didn’t even realize the dog was right there,

Until she bumped right into Cali’s leg.

I realized, then, that she couldn’t see.

My baby girl was blind.

Her eyes were entirely dilated, the pupil practically filling up her whole eye.

We went to the vet’s office and I had to go through the pain of hearing the doctor

Confirm my deepest fears.

They said that she might have brain cancer because of how she kept walking in circles with her

Head tilted off to the side.

They examined her eyes:

Her retinas had detached from hypertension.

I had to hold her down while they took her blood pressure and found it to be too high.

My baby girl had high blood pressure.

I had to sit there, tears streaming down my face, while I held her down and she cried out in fear.

When we took her home, she didn’t even try to adapt to being blind.

She didn’t eat, didn’t drink, took to peeing on everything.

She basically began the process of committing suicide by starving and dehydrating herself.

The day that this poem officially takes place, May 13, 2012,

I got up in the morning before mom went to work,

And Gadget was no longer on the blanket I’d laid on the floor by my bed for her.

In fact, we found her curled up under my bed.

Probably because that’s where she wanted to pass on to the other world, where she could then be reborn.

When I awoke again later in the morning, she lay there on the blanket,

Her breathing labored and her body hardly moving.

My aunt Marie came over during the day to check on me, make sure I was still doing ok,

To check on Gadget’s condition.

While she was there, my dear sweet baby girl lay there,

Making a throaty sound deep in her esophagus,

As though she were trying to purr or meow for me, to reassure me that all would be okay.

After Aunt Marie left, I finally called my ex-stepdad, Dan.

It took me a couple minutes of hitching and sobbing before I could finally get the words out,

Asking him to come pick her up and take her to be put down.

When Dan arrived and I went to put my baby in the pet carrier,

She feebly tried to struggle with me, as though to say that she wanted to stay with me.

I asked Dan to take me with them, so I could be with her all the way through to the end.

He told me no, that it wasn’t something I needed to see.

When he finally returned after about 3 hours, I waited for mom to get home

So that we could bury my beautiful girl.

I remember asking mom to take Gadget out of the ugly trash bag that they’d put her in.

I’d asked because I didn’t like leaving her feeling trapped inside a plastic bag.

I wanted her to be free, just as her spirit had always been.

Mom kept her in the bag, and we buried her in the back yard.

It was one of the most painful feelings I’ve ever had, that day that I had to bury my girl.

She may not have been human.

But she was human to me.

She was my Familiar, My Witch’s Cat, my sister, my friend, my companion… and my daughter.

 She had such a great personality and she was, is, such a wonderful and loving girl.

She always followed me wherever I went.

She slept with me at night, curled up next to me, purring happily.

She was always there when I was sad, or angry, as though she knew.

As though she wanted to make me feel better, to make me happy again.

She was the sweetest individual I’d ever met in all my days.

She was so loving, and sweet, and caring.

She was the perfect companion.

I’ll never forget my baby girl, my darling angel.

I loved my baby girl, and I still do to this very day.

I always will. She was the best companion I could have ever asked for.

I love my dear, sweet child.

My Gadget.

Mom

By Kayla Stiles

February 7, 2014

I remember good times with you, sure.

But I also remember bad times with you, so clearly.

Remember that day, the last day of my high school junior year?

We went to Aunt Marie’s house.

We had an argument in the car, over my belief that you saw me as worthless.

We got in a fist fight upon arriving at Aunt Marie’s.

I ran inside and the verbal argument continued.

You outright called me worthless, then.

Do you remember that? Do you remember the hurt look in my eyes?

That haunted look that’s always lurked just beneath