Demons in Our Closets by Kayla Stiles (ebook reader for pc TXT) 📕

I love my father very much.

I’m glad he’s back in my life finally.

And this time, I will not let him leave my life prematurely.

I love you mom. But you need to relax,

And stop being so harsh on me for things I can’t always control.

Opening up the Mind

4/22/14

By Kayla Stiles

I know many people are appalled by even the thought

Of two people of the same sex being together,

Much less those two having sexual intercourse together.

Sharing in that special moment with one another.

Holding one another close. Bosom to bosom,

Stomach to stomach, heart to heart.

Me myself being bisexual definitely opens up my thoughts,

Clears my head and opens my eyes to the world.

I remember that night,

That night that she slept in the same bed with me,

That night that she and I shared a most wonderful moment with each other.

I know, I know. How gross. Such an abomination.

Two women together, sharing in sexual experiences together.

You know what? I don’t care anymore.

I love her. She’s a most amazing young woman.

I remember her soft hands trailing over my body,

Her gentle lips kissing mine,

Kissing my body.

I remember gently tugging on her medium-length,

Dark-colored hair. Staring into her deep eyes.

She’s so beautiful. It saddens me that she doesn’t see it herself.

I just want to prove to her that she’s truly beautiful.

That she’s truly a most wonderful woman.

I love her.

And no one is going to stand between her and I,

Between the love that we share in.

I love you, my dear sweet Lizzy. 

The Past

11/24/13

2:16 a.m.

The past. It often catches up to us when we least expect it.

The past. It often pops up when we don’t want it to.

It’s that dark shadow that crosses the room

At the edges of your peripherals.

It’s that tiny voice in the back of your mind,

Speaking in soft tones of times long gone.

The past is that small inkling of recognition you get

When you cross paths with someone you once

Held dear and close to your heart.

It’s that feeling you get in your heart,

That feeling of emptiness,

And deep longing for comfort and replacement.

But you can’t replace what’s already gone.

You can’t lose a friend and have someone else take their place.

You can’t lose a girl,

A girl you held so close to your heart that it hurt to let her go,

And just find someone else to fill the gaping hole she left behind.

You fall in love,

Not always only once in your lifetime,

And not always with someone of the opposite gender.

You fall in love,

And you lose your chance with that one that you love.

But you can’t get that chance back.

And you remain good friends with that person.

And yet, society frowns down upon you if,

God forbid,

You become jealous when you see her out with another girl.

When she replies to others’ messages and not your own.

When she posts that she’s so happy,

Thanks to someone that’s not you,

And it breaks your heart to see these things.

It breaks your heart to realize that you lost your chance.

That now it’s time for someone else to take your place.

Time for someone else to take the place you left behind,

Empty and isolated.

It hurts to see her laughing, smiling, holding hands

With another young woman.

But all you can really do is sit back and watch,

Tell her you’re happy for her and let it be.

Because, how dare you get upset over her being with someone else.

How dare you be upset over the fact that, of all the criteria she’s told you

About her girlfriend needing to be,

You fit the bill almost perfectly.

How dare you feel hurt and isolated

From your first true love,

From your very first good relationship.

I mean, it’s not like she loved you back or anything.

It’s not like she wanted you back as much as you wanted her.

It’s not like you two had so much in common

That you felt a heat wave of a connection tying you together.

It’s not like you were always there, always waiting,

Waiting for a chance to win her back,

To be the one she’s been waiting for to make her happy again.

Even if only for a temporary amount of time.

It’s not like you loved her…

And told her of your love time and time again.

No. It’s not like any of that happened.

Even though it did.

Who knows? Maybe one day,

Maybe one fateful day,

Your paths will cross again and twist and turn to combine a

United embrace of happiness and caring.

But I doubt it. I highly doubt it.

Because, once you lose that opportunity,

It’s rare to get a second chance at that which you wish to occur.

It’s rare… To get a second chance at your first love.

Someday

5/3/14

10:13 pm

I’ll be ok someday…

I’ll be able to move on… eventually…

I’ll finally be able to wake up in the morning

Without that sick feeling in my stomach,

Without looking beside me and realizing that you’re gone,

And feeling the tears cascading from my eyes.

One day, I’ll be able to see your picture

Without crying and feeling torn in two.

I’ll be able to hang out with you again,

Just us as friends,

Without feeling like I’ve lost everything.

I may one day finally be able to look at you,

And not feel anything at all.

No longer feel the hurt, the ache in my breast.

No longer feel the love that you shattered,

The deadened feeling in my heart.

Someday, I’ll be better.

But until that day….

Well… I’m a goner..

Until that day comes, I’m still shattered and destroyed inside.

I’m demolished and dead inside.

Constantly crying, and feeling, and remembering

Memories long gone, long dead in the past.

Was it a mistake to love you, to care about you,

To sell my heart and soul to you?

I don’t know anymore.

All I know is this:

I’m tired of wasting my tears on someone who

No longer wants me, no longer loves me.

I’m tired of hurting over someone who

Might as well just say screw you and walk out of my life for good.

I’m scarred, internally and externally.

And there’s nothing anyone can do to fix that.

But maybe, possibly, one day.

Maybe someday,

Things will be better… and I’ll be alive again…

Maybe someday… I’ll be whole again…

But for now, it is not so.

Did I say something stupid,

By telling you I loved you?

I don’t know. I just want you to know that I DO love you…

And I would have given up the world for you…

I guess this is goodbye… 

The Spirits of the Trees

By Kayla Stiles

Written: 2/20/14

What do I see when I look at the trees?

I see living beings,

Touched by the Goddess’ sweet breath of life,

Basking gloriously in the sun,

Soaking in the rain, the wind, the sunshine.

Their sunbaked faces slant up

And gaze lovingly at the solar star in the light blue sky,

Breathing in the sweet aroma

Of the flowers surrounding their bases,

The fresh, earthy scent of their friends surrounding them.

All of them peaceful and tranquil.

I hear their branches swaying in the soft breeze,

Lightly bumping into one another and

Scratching against each other.

Their presence is so calming.

So sweet and innocent is their essence.

A smile crosses my lips and I drink in the purity

Of my surroundings.

The feelings of my fellow friends are my high.

I get drunk off the tranquility of their presence.

They speak to me of times long gone,

Of times of peace and beauty.

And oh! With such beauty is the voice of a tree!

These voices, they don’t just speak to me.

They sing and, oh, with such wondrous melody.

It’s as though I’ve been called home

From a faraway place.

Just lying on the moss at the bases of my fellow friends,

Staring up into the clear blue sky.

Just enjoying the quiet surrounding me.

That peaceful quiet that is silence, yet not silence at all.

There are voices in the wind, in the air.

The breeze lightly brushes my cheek and

Sweeps the hair off my face.

It’s so peaceful here, so quiet and serene.

It’s as though the hate and anger and strife in the world

Is gone, and I’m left in my solitude,

In my quiet, beautiful haven.

In this, the spirits of the trees. 

Stronger or Not

Written: 6/6/13

I'm getting stronger, day by painful day.

But it doesn't mean the pain has gone away.

It's still there, ringing in my head loud and clear.

But my strength is returning to me. My time to be me again, is drawing near.

I will never be the same. Oh no. Not the same.

But I might be better, or I might be insane.

Only time can tell what will happen

To this girl so fond of napping,

Cuddled up in the arms of her love,

At that time, feeling so high