Demons in Our Closets by Kayla Stiles (ebook reader for pc TXT) 📕

I've been broken, yes.            

I've been shattered inside my chest.

But if I can push through this, like a warrior,

I may no longer be the bad-news-carrier.

I might one day lift up my head,

And see the sunrise with love, not dread.

I will always love him, for he is my love.

But if I can't make it past this, I'll never again rise above.

Above all this pain, above all this heart break.

The things that watching the one you love leave tends to make.

I don't know if I'll ever love again,

For I am trapped inside my mind's den.

But if I can find the power to find love one day,

May the Goddess bless it in every single way.

I don't know how long it will take me to be able to trust,

But I don't want to live a life full of rust.

The rust of old relationships gone to hell,

The rust of a thousand promises broken without tell.

I don't want to live a life bathed in blood,

The blood of a broken heart, covered in bruises and crud.

I always wanted that perfect relationship with no fights, no anger.

But now I've come to see that there is no such thing as no anger.

All relationships start happy and then get bumpy,

But that's not a sign to end it all grumpy.

If you truly love someone with all your heart,

You fight for them to stay, no matter how tart.

You stay with them through it all,

Through the fights and through the fall.

If they leave, that's on them.

But if you leave for a selfish reason, that's on you, my friend.

If you leave behind someone who loves you with all their soul,

You might end up alone, with a dark and empty hole.

I'm just saying that I love with all I have,

But when it gets thrown in my face, it takes all I have

To not break down and nap for eternity.

I try to show you how to reach true love, even in frailty.

If you push me away because of a stupid reason,

I can't control that, today or in any other season.

But I'll leave you with this one thought:

If you had stayed, how much further would we have got?

I'm getting stronger, day by painful day.

But it doesn't mean the pain has gone away.

Time

3/20/14

12:16 am

How do you stop time?

Or at least slow it down to give you

More time with a cherished loved one?

You don’t. You CAN’T.

Time isn’t something you can control,

Like the rowdiness of a family companion (dog, cat, etc.)

Or the turning on and off of the lights in your house.

Time is a hidden force, an unseen enemy.

Lying in wait, lurking in the deepest, darkest shadows

Just beyond the sight of your peripherals.

Time is an invisible monster,

With great, giant, clawed hands

That reach out and snatch up those you hold

So dear and precious to your heart

When you least expect it.

My lord, when you least want it to happen!

Time is like that creature in your nightmares,

That one that makes you shake and quiver in the corner,

When you haven’t even seen it yet.

That creature that, as soon as you awaken,

Disappears from your mind’s eye and becomes

Just another thought-to-be-imagined demon,

That which you can never remember the face of.

Time is the darkness in the corner of your room,

Watching over you as you sleep soundly in your warm bed.

That darkness which creeps ever so slowly and menacingly

Towards you, yet dematerializes as soon as you open your eyes

To cast your gaze around your moonlit bedroom.

Time is that unforeseen enemy that creeps and crawls

Behind the scenes of your life,

Stealing away your innocence here,

Taking away a most revered relative there.

Time is that ungodly demon,

That which deals the deadliest blows

To your very heart and soul

When the time is most definitely NOT right.

When you are already at a most fragile and broken state.

When you are already so torn apart inside

That Time just makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs.

Scream at the whole world, the whole UNIVERSE!

Scream until you can’t scream anymore,

Until your voice is cracked and hoarse, and your heart is deadened. 

And then Time goes even further with its disgraceful game,

And makes you curl up into a tiny ball

And cry, and cry, and cry.

Cry until you’ve cried so long that your tears run dry,

And your cheeks are stained with the salty patches that those

Great torrents of water bursting from your eyes

Have left behind in their wake.

Time takes away those you hold most dear to you,

When you’re not ready to say good-bye yet.

When you’re not ready to watch as that

Great black mahogany casket

Is lowered into an earthy hole in the ground.

When you’re not ready to see an urn,

Merely a small metal casket,

Encase all that was once your aunt, your uncle,

Your mom, your dad, your cat, your sister,

Your brother…. Your grandmother.

When you’re not ready to face the reality

That this could be the end.

That you might never again rest your eyes on that

Wonderful face of that wonderful person.

That you might never again talk with them,

Laugh and crack jokes with them,

Or even just sit there and cry in their arms.

Time is the evil-doer that hides in the night,

That part of the day that most people find the most relaxing,

And waits on its prey.

Just waiting to pounce and wreak havoc

Amongst the lives of many.

Time is the one that stole my baby girl,

My sweet angelic Gadget, my Witches’ Cat,

My sister, from me before her years were used up.

Stole my baby girl on May 13, 2012. 

Time…. Is the one stealing my Oma from me now…

Time… is evil….

Why am I Crying?

5/12/14

11:53 pm

Why am I crying? For some stupid reason again?

Or for a good reason for once?

Why do these tears threaten to slip from my glossy eyes,

And streak down my cheeks?

I feel pain inside… For reasons untold.

I feel pain outside… For feelings unseen.

I feel loss, and despair, and a darkening of my thoughts.

But what for? What brought this on today?

Is it the loneliness that I feel?

That which only is risen by the lack of contact.

Is it the sorrow that’s seemingly gripped my soul

With a cast-iron clench?

Or is it something else?

Something unforeseen and untold of?

I don’t know anymore.

I know I feel alone, but for why I cannot tell.

I know I feel empty, hollow,

But for why I cannot see.

Can anybody help me? Or is this mine to fight alone?

Text: Kayla Stiles
Images: Elinor Skinner
Editing: Elinor Skinner
Publication Date: 05-10-2014

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
I dedicate this book to my Oma, who passed away from cancer of the brain on April 5, 2014. She would have loved to see some of the poems I've written in this book. I just wish she were still here to help me with my current situation.