Diana by Sarah McAllister (the chimp paradox TXT) 📕

will cease

and i can't promise the ghosts living in your past will stop haunting you

in your weakest times

 

i can't proffer you a new and improved life

with better understanding parents,

friends who won't backstab you

people who won't call you 'attention seeker'

when you're not around

a life where you'll never hear the words

'stupid, whore, bitch,' ever again

 

i can't tell you

that everything bad about your life will go away

because that would be a lie

 

but i can assure you that i will be there

fighting the fight with you

and i can strengthen you

give you a reason to stand up

 

i can help you win the race,

keep the faith

and i can be your biggest fan,

i can stand in the bleachers

cheering my heart out for you

telling you that you can do this

because i know you can

 

i can be your refuge

the place you go when you want to

scream to the heavens

or just be silent

and i can laugh with you

or cry with you

or just listen

 

i can make this hell

a little less hellish

 

i can be there

right with you

when you're ready to face the world

and i can walk out of this with you

hand and hand.

 

because we can

we can.

 

-diana

the hills

 

i'm not the person i say to be

the girl you think i am isn't me

 

yes, you see that i'm pensive and smart

but i feel stupid and foolish at heart

 

yes, you see eyes brimming with cheer

but that's just a mask, so you don't see tears

 

yes, you see short sleeves, 'don't fret, she's clean'

but why would i cut where you can see?

 

you think i have it all together, that's a lie

no one has yet noticed they're running out of time

 

i'm not the person i say to be

i guess when i'm fucked up, that's the real me. 

- diana

 

 

monster

i remember when i was

always told that there were monsters under my bed

i would flip my room over

and analyze every nook and cranny

in futile attempt to find them

 

it wasn't until now

that i realized the monster is me

so if you ever ask if i believe in them

check my wrists, you'll see. 

 

- diana

 

i love how

 

-
i love how
people buy into the lie
that i'm okay

i love how
i can force a laugh
or fake a smile
and no one will notice
i'm dead on the inside

i love how
i can make people believe
that I'm very social
when behind closed door
i'm a silent war with my demons
and I'm losing

i love how
i can pour life into someone
without them noticing
that through my eyes
all they'll ever see is death

i love how
people buy into the lie
that I'm okay

one day, I'm going to cut too deep
or I'll drink too much

one day I'll finally end it
and the last of me they'll ever see
is a happy face

i love how
people buy into the lie
that I'm okay

when
in reality
i'm far from it.

- diana

 

quotes

even the brightest of stars

will eventually die. 

 

-

 

when i'm alone, i think

when i think, i remember

when i remember, i feel pain

when i feel pain, i cry

when i cry, i can't stop. 

please don't leave me alone.

 

-

 

she saved everyone

but she couldn't save herself.

 

-

 

red

rivers gushing out of the 

lines littering my thighs and arms

pooling onto the iced bathroom tiles

my favorite color.  

 

 

- 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Imprint

Publication Date: 10-26-2015

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
Dedicated to my best friend Austin. I will always love you.