Anamnesis by Zorina Alliata (ebook reader ink txt) 📕

and we rushed out, before the spells closed back behind us.

*-*-*


Christian was still unconscious when we got back to the farm; Saccas had carried him in his arms to the car, and Bea was trying to revive him the best she could. He finally opened his eyes as they were passing through the gates; I was following them in my car. The rain had stopped and, for the first time in months, the night sky was full of stars. As I drove in, I thought I saw a luminous pattern under the oak trees; it shined through in the moonlight as if it was winking at me; but I didn’t stop – it somehow didn’t seem so important anymore.

The farmer and Saccas helped Christian inside and laid him down on the couch. The house smelled of lilacs. The farmer had prepared a hot drink and he immediately started to feed it to him; Christian drank slowly, color coming back in his cheeks. He looked around and smiled at us, and we all felt happy. He signaled to Dante to come closer, and hugged him with all his might.

“Dad..,” Dante started, but Christian put a finger at his lips. There will be enough time to catch up, to explain. He then bowed towards Saccas and the farmer, silently acknowledging their help. He looked at Bea with love and acceptance, and gestured in her direction as if to bless her.

Then he turned to me.

“So you finally found me,” he said weakly. “I was hoping you would.”

I didn’t answer; I had many things to accuse him of, a lot of anger to air, but that was not important anymore. I had less than a few hours left to live.

“Make your prayer,” he said. “I will listen.”

As I was preparing to formulate my wish, I saw the scene for what it was; a family and friends, reunited; what makes life bearable, the part of us that is good and expects no rewards in return. I saw myself for what I was, a body and soul, good and bad, young and old, tender and tough; I saw that nothing about my life was my fault, or anybody else’s fault; that the walls I had built around me were made of lies and fears, and that it could have been much simpler if only I had known what to believe.

Suddenly, it felt unimportant to leave my genes living in this world; it felt selfish to think that I had to continue, that the world would suffer if I were to go. I understood that there were others like me, that I was unique but no more unique than anybody else. My family had tapped into ancient powers, and we had become ancient and obsolete as well; we only gained personal pain and discomfort; there was no greater good that came out of it. We lived selfishly trying to take things that weren’t rightfully ours, and carved our time out of other’s. I could see now how we were wrong; how we needed to be eliminated, silenced. I could see how we stood in the way of other patterns being created, other numbers painted in the sky of humanity, other ways discovered and wondered upon.

So when I prayed, silently, I asked for forgiveness for all of them: my mom and dad, my aunts and uncle, my grandparents; I asked if we could meet again, on the other side, and start anew, and live well. I prayed for the human race, for our humanity to always win; for food and water and warmth for everyone; for puppies and deer and elephants running happy and free; for friendly, lost ghosts to find their way home; for the numbers to be there to guide us towards our better choices; for Nature to be gentle with all of us.

I raised my eyes to him and smiled; he bowed his head.

I bowed back.

“I am going now,” I told the others. “My old friend Lou is expecting me on the other side. I bet he has some tea and cookies waiting. And my family will be there too; I can’t wait to see them again.”

I hugged Dante and Bea, who didn’t understand what was going on.

"I'll see you Tuesday at Wings & Claw," Dante said cheerfully.

I shook hands with Peter and Paul, and once again smiled towards Christian.

“I know you now, so you will forever live in me,” Christian said. “Go in peace. You will be happy there.”

“Thank you,” I said.

By the time I was at the door, they were already talking about Monday’s meeting; I knew that they would be okay, that they would be there and take control, and make everything all right again with the Company and the world. They had won once more, in yet another battle with the dark side of our souls; and I was happy to have helped them.

On my way out, I stopped under the oak trees and picked up the entanglement of long grass and fallen tree branches which clearly spelled 2-2-9. I cried as I let it fall back to the ground; I had nothing to ask of it anymore.

*-*-*

It was dawn and the sun was shining already as I drove up I-270 towards Frederick. I didn’t know where I was going, or if it mattered; but I wanted to be away from the city and into Nature, to make it easy for it to take me. I was ready to give up the battle and surrender to the peaceful mist in the horizon; I felt liberated and light as a feather.

From I-270 I took a two-lane road as I approached Clarksburg; there were no other cars but mine. I drove slowly and looked at the horse farms around me, and the beautiful houses, and the amazing forest. When I saw a dirt road, I turned right and drove on it until it dead-ended on top of a hill. That was a good place to die, I thought. I parked on the grass and got out of the car; I could see the city of Clarksburg in the distance, beyond the small patches of trees.

I had nine heartbeats left when I heard the truck revving its engine. It could have been waiting for me there, or maybe it had just been summoned then. The numbers around me signaled danger and death, and rushed my blood to my heart; but I didn’t move. I lovingly thought of Feliks and what could have been, but I let go; as the numbers froze around me, trapping me with the grip of death, my last thought was of a bigger love; my fingers created patterns of joy and forgiveness as I fell down, to be left there in the woods for other people to find. I used my last breath to inspire my spirit into the equations around me, for the future poets to pick up when the breeze gently bent the grass.

As my body sank into the wet ground, Nature finally accepted it and caressed it; roots pulled it in and surrounded it with their warmth; the flowers under my nails grew out and smiled to the sun, golden. My body melted into the dust it had come from, never to be seen again.

I found myself back home, hovering freely over the mountains of my childhood. In the Delta there was a picnic and the smell of grilled mici filled my senses; my Dad waved at me; everyone else was there with him, drowned in light and brightness. I flew down happily, laughing.

THE END


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Publication Date: 07-03-2009

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