Ugly Duckling: No One Wants Me by Hlengiwe Mathebula (best manga ereader TXT) 📕

December 16th how I hate this day. You see on this day 7 years ago one of my two big sisters Nobuhle got married. So each year both families come together and celebrate. Last year they came to my parent’s house so today we are going to their place. I don't even know what to wear, I'm not a fashion follower or anything like that, I just take out whatever and wear. I'm waiting for alarm to ring at 6 and its 5:59am. Even if I wake up before the alarm goes off I stay in bed until it does. Yesterday I came back very late because we can't go to Nobuhle's in-law empty handed. So my mom decided that we need to try these new salad recipe Nonjabulo's mother-in-law told her about. Nonjabulo is my other big sister she's the second born and I'm the last born. She got married 5 years ago. Just two months back her in-laws came over to celebrate their anniversaries. 

I long for the warmth of days gone by when you were mine Urg there goes my alarm tone I snooze the alarm I need 5 more minutes.  I just love this song even though I don't even know what they are singing about. Yup I am 24 actually I just turned 24 yesterday I didn't even get a simple birthday text from my family but I'm used to that. For me to get special treatment from them I need to get married. Nobuhle got married when she turned 21 and Nonjabulo when she turned 20. At the age of 20 I was doing my final year in BA Journalism at the University of Johannesburg. At the age of 21 I was doing my BA Honours in Communication Studies which was second major.

My big sisters always get the special treatment from the family. Even when I graduated no one bothered to come both times, my parents still believe that a girl's place is in the kitchen not going to Tertiary and studying, my sisters never went to Tertiary. I'm not close to them or anyone. I'm loner I enjoy reading magazines and listening to music. 

I long for the warmth of days gone by 

I hit the dismiss button and walk into my en-suite bathroom. I prefer taking a bath. I fill the bath tub then I take off my pj's and sink into the bath tub I know I forgot something but I can't put my finger on it. I take a long and relaxing bath. As soon as I get out I remember that I didn't pour the foam bath it means I’ll take a little longer to clean the bath. I walk into my walk in closet and I pull my favourite suit. Navy blue pants and blazer and a white t-shirt. I think suits look better with t-shirts than shirts after all I am not going to an interview, it's a family gathering that everyone enjoys well except me. When I open the shoe side there's an incoming text. I know it's from my parents or sisters I don't have friends and I don't work on weekends. I walk to the bedside table. I take my phone and Mom appears on the notifications showing that the text is from her. I tap on the name to see the text. 

Don't be too formal. This is a family gathering not an interview or a place to show that you are educated.

Hehehe that's my mom for you. I'm used to such texts. So I decide to go back to the closet and take out one of my yellow maxi dress I think it looks great for the occasion. For some reason I thought of wearing the suit just to piss off my mom but that doesn't actually end well. We let's just say it ends with one of us crying and that is me obvious. I wear the dress and my white sandals. I have great feet and I like showing them off. I make my bed walk to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, I'm a coffee addict my family has been telling me that I'll die from a heart disease due to the amount of coffee I consume. I make a fish paste sandwich my favourite I eat 6 slices of bread and apparently it's unlady like. Who cares? As soon as I'm done making breakfast I eat wash the dishes. I'm a bit of a clean freak. I walk back to the bathroom to brush my teeth we all know how tin fish smells so I can't have that smell in my mouth so early in the morning.

It's 7 and the gathering starts in 3 hours. I walk over to the night stand to take my phone, I see 5 texts from the whatsapp group Nobuhle created a year ago SISTERHOOD. I tap on the whatsapp icon to read the texts. I read for the sake of reading. They discuss marriage and kids most of the time. I mean I am not married, I don't have a boyfriend or a kid and well uhm I'm a 24-year old virgin.

Mrs Mabuza (Nobuhle): Mbali what are you wearing?

Well yes I am Mbal'enhle (which means beautiful flower) but well according to my family and the society I am the total opposite. Basically they are saying I'm ugly.

Mrs Vilakazi (Nonjabulo): I hope you bought something for the occasion. The last time you looked like you were going for an interview.

Mrs Mabuza: Mbali you need google outfits for such occassion otherwise mama will kill you. Remember how she almost sent you home the last time. If it wasn't for Richard you would've left right there and then.

Mrs Vilakazi: Lil sis we get, you're not into fashion like us but it's okay to ask for an advice from us you know.

Mrs Mabuza: Oh and Mbali I hope you're not sleeping cause you need to use public transport, I won't be able to fetch you anymore.

I read the texts and looked for my handbag and leave the house. I am travelling from Millpark to Pretoria and it will take longer since I am using public transport. I am not even mad I'm used to this kind of life. Instead of asking for a lift from my parents I take a taxi to the nearest taxi rank. Then from there I take a taxi to Pretoria, I have a feeling that I am going to be late.

As soon as I press the intercom I check the time, I am 30 minutes late. I'll never hear the end of this. The gate opens a few seconds later. I rush to the front door I don't even get the chance to  knock, the door is swung open and I am standing in front of my furious mother.

"Why do you always have to come late" she asks very angrily. "Well mama ngiyaxolisa (I'm sorry), Nobuhle told me after 7 that I have to use amataxi (the taxis) to get here" I tell her hoping she stops shouting.

But this is my mom we're talking about. "Why do you depend on your sister's car? Remember you're the one with qualifications you don't need a man to take care of you. So why do you want Nobuhle to fetch you with her car that her husband has bought for her?" she asks.

I don't answer her I just walk into the house. Nobuhle's husband bought her a car 2 years back and my mom told me that I should also get married so my husband can buy me a car. I told her that once I have my qualifications I will buy myself a car I don't need a man to do that for me. Well I've been working as a freelance writer for 3 of South Africa's biggest newspapers, but I know that a car is a liability it doesn't determine a person's wealth. I want to own a house first. Right now I'm renting a flat. Well my sisters may have the beauty in the family but I definitely have the brains.

As soon as I walk in I bump into Richard's cousins, Thabo. He walks  towards me to give me a hug. After hugging me he tells me that I look beautiful I know he means nice dress. Because about a year ago when I started showing interest in him he told me it will never work out I'm just too damn ugly for him to date me. So since then I hardly talk to him. One of the other guys also says the same.

"That dress suits you, you have a very nice body, pity I can't say the same thing about your face" he says that out too loud the whole house laughs.

I thank him and walk away. My parents never defend me, so I learnt to take all those comments and say thank you. A lot people always say that I have a nice body but as soon as  they see my face they run into the opposite direction. So yeah I am the ugly duckling and no one wants me. My self esteem is so messed up that's why I chose to be a freelance writer. Even though I'm used to these comments sometimes they are too much. I passed most of my modules with distinctions obtaining both my degree and honours qualifications with cum laude. The comments people made about my looks really motivated me. I had to show them that I may not have the looks but I definitely have the brains. I made it to The Star's front page twice when I obtained my degree and honours. So many companies wanted me but because of my low self esteem I took part time posts.

"The yellow looks good on you" Nonjabulo tells me and she walks away.

My sisters are used to getting all the compliments when it comes to looks, marriage and kids things that I don’t have. But as soon as someone comments about my qualifications and body I see sour faces and they try to change the topic back to looks, marriage and kids.  Well my grand mom also told me that there's no point of having the best house, cars and qualifications if I don't have a husband or a child. I never felt good enough. What am I supposed to do when guys don't ask me out, force them to? I've never met a guy who can hold a decent conversation. They all brag about material things. Things that don't impress me. I need a guy who's smart, someone who can think out of the box.

"Are you going to stand there, or you going to come eat", my mom asks.

I stand in between Richard's cousin as soon as I dish up everything on the table they mock me and the whole room starts to laugh.

"I always tell her that if she keeps eating like that, no man is going to marry her but she won't listen, Buhle my beautiful daughter can you dish up for Mbali. No wonder she says she doesn't