Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

"Okay, let's not meet at all, we'll talk on Skype and you don't need fly to see me. Don't pretend like long distance is even a problem here. It's not. Our love is more than that. We have been through too much to let this bother us."

  I remained silent because I knew she was right.

Alana began to sob. "Don't...Please don't do this to me. We'll work it out somehow."

I closed the distance between us, cupped her face and wiped her tears. "I'm sorry, baby."

"WHY?!" She shrieked giving me a harsh shove. "Why do you keep pushing me away? I said I would wait for you no matter how many years it took. I can't move on, Rowan. I can't imagine my life without you."

  "Neither can I baby...but we need to—"

  I was cut midsentence by a fierce slap on my left cheek. It sting a lot, but not as much as the pain in my heart or the agony showcasing on her face. My jaw tightened, Rowan Masters had never been slapped by any woman in his twenty seven years. But, I deserved every bit of her wrath.

  Alana flung her suitcase open and pulled out a package gift wrapped in glittery paper and pushed it into my hands.

   "I got this as an early birthday present for you, but you can throw away one of the present because there's no use of it anymore." After that she pulled out a pair of silver high heeled shoes embroidered with some Swarovski crystals, one which I had given her. "I don't think I have any need for these either. You can sell them on eBay for all I care."

   "Alana..."

  "I'll return every present that I received from you when I get back home." Alana said in the calmest tone I'd ever heard her talk in. It was less scarier with her crying, slapping me or giving me a string of curses, but now this other calm part of her scared me as if I'd broken something deep inside her.

   "You have something else of mine too." She said, wiping away the tears. "I want it back."

   "What is it baby?" I asked.

   "My heart. Give it back to me." She whispered. "Please."

   "You will move on, Alana. Eventually."

"You ruined everything. You always do it." She said in the calmest voice, her voice barely a whisper. "I'm done playing this stupid game with you Rowan, I'm literally done. I sat through all your humiliation because I loved you, but you keep doing this."

   "I'm doing what I should have done a long time back." I said.

   "I should have listened to those people who told me to stay the fuck away from you. They were right. You really need therapy."

  I'd heard worse things from a lot of people and it had never bothered me or fazed me at the slightest, but Alana's words hurt like a bitch. When I remained silent she began sobbing and punched me, shoved me and punched me again.

  "If that's what you want, we are over. Don't you ever come back to me asking for another chance. This is the last time you will ever see me."

   "Alana, baby, listen to me..." I pleaded.

   "Good Bye, Rowan Masters. It was great while it lasted." She said and pointed towards the door. "I'm sure you can show yourself out."

****

        When I settled inside the car, I realized what I'd done. I had lost Alana. I'd broken the heart of that one woman who loved me unconditionally no questions asked and I'd acted selfish. My breathing became erratic as dark thoughts began clouding my mind. I was back to square one, a single father, unemployed and with a truck load of issues. I covered my face with my hands, trying hard to calm my nerves just as I was told my Sofia. I turned the key to ignition and pushed the car into drive, pulling the car onto the road with a loud screech.

     Alana was not mine anymore. And she would probably find a great guy when she returned to Carmel. The thought suffocated me. I'd crushed my dreams of a family with her with my own hands only because I knew that she deserved a chance to experience normal.

     I pressed on the accelerator and drove around preoccupied by my thoughts, I snapped back to reality when I heard the loud blare of the horn which is when I parked the car at the side of the road.

     My eyes registered the early birthday present Alana had given me. It was big. I pulled at the large ribbon and tore through the gift wrapper. I opened the top of the rectangular box to find a brown Abercrombie leather bomber jacket. How much money had she really blew off for me? It upset me that I didn't have much savings left to buy her something nice, and she had already returned me the most expensive gift I had given her.

    I reached for something else that was hidden under the thick fabric. It was a picture frame with me and Alana seated on a bench in the park with Minnie in Alana's arms. Alana had a smile on her face that told me that I'd probably said something during that moment that made her smile. My eyes were on the two girls that were my universe. There was also a pink letter in Alana's handwriting, but I couldn't even read it because my eyes had started to blur.

  My hands shook as  I clenched the photo frame in my hand. I was becoming a mess, I couldn't think straight, I couldn't even drive. I reached for my phone and pressed the speed dial.

    It rang three times after which she answered the phone.

    "Rowan, are you still with Alana? It's past one a.m., you were supposed to be at the center latest by midnight. Do you hear me?"

    When I didn't answer, she asked. "Rowan? Are you still on the line?"

     "Sofia..." I tried to be strong. I tried so hard, but couldn't control when the dam gates opened. "Sofia...please help me."

"Where are you, Rowan? And is Alana with you? Stay where you are. I'm coming there."  I think after listening to my sobbing plea for help, she panicked the way any mother would  when their ten year old son got themselves in trouble.