Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

Rowan

"What was the trigger?" Sofia asked me calmly.

I'd passed out last night before Sofia even had time to reach my location and luckily, she had a spare key of her car which made things a lot easier. I'd been shot with a tranquilizer and put to bed. The date, the break up, Alana screaming at me, it all seemed like it had happened years ago and not just yesterday.

I felt so ashamed of myself for how weak and vulnerable I'd been. The last thing I wanted was for Sofia to think I was unstable enough to stay in this place longer. With the way I was going, I knew she would issue me another ticket to hell hole.

"Rowan!" Sofia tapped the ballpoint pen on the table. "I want to know what happened yesterday."

I ran my hands through my hair. "I broke up with Alana."

"You what?"

"I broke up with her." I repeated.

When I glanced up, her icy blue eyes bore deep into mine. I've had people in the past, students and co-workers alike tell me that I had the ability to terrorize by a mere glance but Sofia wasn't looking away or playing with her kerchief which reminded me who was the boss here. Clearly, I wasn't. I looked away when she'd possibly bored smoke holes into me.

"In my career of twenty-two years, I've never seen a case like yours. I fail to understand you, Masters. The more I try to figure out what is going on in your mind, the more I'm baffled." She narrowed her eyes at me. "I thought you said you loved her."

"I do. More than I've ever loved someone and I want what's best for Alana."

"And you think you aren't the best?" she asked, scribbling something furiously on her notepad.

"I'm far from it." I admitted.

"Why did you break up? From what I've heard from you, Alana seems like a responsible girl. I'm sure she would have waited for you if you had told her that you needed some time to figure things out. Breaking up is not a solution."

"So what do you suggest?" I glared at her. "That a few years later, I marry her and then wouldn't it be history repeating itself?"

I was sick of people telling me what to do. This was my life. I had a right to decide what I wanted to do.

"Alana is a student, and if I keep leading her on the way I've been doing then it's not going to end well. She doesn't need to complicate her life because of me."

"You gotta stop doing this. Always making decisions for Alana, that's not right. You need to tone down the domineering streak that's gonna get you in some serious trouble someday. I don't usually use this word, but let's admit it this once. You fucked up big time. That girl was the only one who would have kept you tamed, under control and you just let her go."

"Tamed? What am I? An aggressive Rottweiler?" to that, Sofia chuckled and that made me angrier. She was doing it on purpose. "What do you want me to do?"

"There's only one way to make it right. Call Alana and tell her you didn't mean what you said."

I shook my head. "I can't do that."

"Suit yourself. Remember this, you aren't going to be in this place forever, the time you will walk out of here, Alana would probably be with someone else. Are you going to be okay with that?"

"If that guy would be nothing like me, and if he would make her happy. I'd be glad for her."

Sofia scribbled something in her notepad again. "You're going to regret it, Rowan. Mark my words."

Before Sofia could do some more drilling and cause more damage to my head and heart, there was a knock at the office door. I was more than thankful for the interruption. Megan peeked in and passed me a polite smile, "Surprise visitor for you, Row."

I didn't wait for Sofia to dismiss me as I climbed to my feet and bolted out of the door and towards the stairs, skipping two at a time. I wondered if Alana had come back just to visit me one last time before she returned to Carmel.

When I entered the visitors room, my eyes landed on the angel standing there, dressed in a pink Dora The Explorer t-shirt and mini skirt.

"Minnie." I called out to her. She turned to look at me with wide curious eyes, an expression that told me she was still fighting to differentiate between a fantasy and reality.

"Daddddddddy!" Minnie came running towards me as I went down on my knees to take her into my arms.

"God. I missed you, baby girl." She smelled of strawberry shampoo and soap that smelled like lilies and lavender baby oil. Tears started to form in the corner of my eyes as the feeling of nostalgia began to settle in. I had to fight it back, tell myself, the emotions were spiraling around. Ten more months and probably more of the sufferings were on its way. I didn't want to think of that and spoil my mood at the time.

Her soft little hands clenched my shirt tight. I cupped her cheeks, caressed her hair. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine, Daddy."

My eyes shifted towards Dwight, who stood awkwardly witnessing the father and daughter reunion. "Hi." He said.

Dwight had always hated coming to this place for some reason. It was usually our brother Drew who insisted him to come along, and after Drew died, Dwight just visited because it was his duty as an older brother or some shit like that. Dwight and I had never been close, in fact when we were younger, I hardly acknowledged Dwight as my older sibling simply because he teased me and called me names, said I was the black sheep of the family. All of those things were a decade ago. Now we were responsible adults and yet, the gap hadn't filled in somehow.

Something told me he was either insecure or jealous. Drew had been the whole and sole, Gary Masters golden boy, the next-in-line to run the Masters Enterprise. I'd been politely exempted from that race since I was never right in the head to begin with. Dwight had wanted to become an international photographer and he was halfway through helping Drew and fulfilling his own dream, but when his twin died, the throne was automatically transferred to Gary's next golden boy, no questions asked, while I traveled the world, did whatever the hell I wanted, got myself in trouble, received a Masters in Economics, got my girlfriend pregnant and the list went on.