Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

Alana

    I stood outside the terminal as the cab driver helped me load my luggage. He knew little English and all the while, he tried to talk me into telling him what was wrong, finally giving up when I said it was a break up. The clouds turned an ugly shade of grey mirroring my mood for the day.

    I'd received messages from Dwight, but I hadn't responded. The last thing I wanted was for Dwight to talk me into thinking Rowan's decision was for the best because no matter how crazy Rowan's ideas were, I knew for a fact that Dwight would talk in support of his brother. Meanwhile, my call logs had over a dozen missed calls, all of which had been from the Glory Rehabilitation Center, and as much as I'd been tempted to answer Rowan's calls, I'd kept my emotions in check and ignored them because I didn't need any more damage to my heart then what he'd already done.

This was supposed to be a fun trip, how had it turned out this way?

I remembered forty-eight hours ago I was packing my luggage and getting all giddy thinking of how Rowan would react to my little surprise visit and planning our little date with the smallest of details. Chez had been right all along, he had warned me that Rowan would ruin me and he had. He had shown me the kind of world that never existed, wooed me with his charm and broken my heart. Twice.

    I had always been a strong girl, how had I become like this? What right did he have to paint a beautiful picture for me and then splash gallons of black paint all over it. I retrieved my passport and ticket from my bag-pack and wheeled the trolley towards the airport entrance.

   "Alana." The familiar voice called out to me, the voice that I knew would haunt me for as long as I lived.

   I turned to face Rowan standing just a few meters away from me. His mocha colored eyes searching mine.

   My heart fluttered, the way it always did when I saw Rowan.

  Stupid Heart! Rowan broke up with me, stop fluttering already.

He was dressed casually in a navy blue checkered shirt, his sleeves folded up just the way I liked it, matched with a light blue denim jeans. His eyes looked red, like he'd been crying. I regretted blurting out the terminal number during our date. If I hadn't opened my fat mouth, he wouldn't be here trying to make conversation or whatever it was that he was here for.

    "Why are you here?" I tried to sound angry.

    "I just wanted to talk." He said softly, taking slow steps towards me.

    I took a few steps back. "Whatever it is that you want to say, I'm not interested."

   Rowan finally closed the distance and pulled me away from the queue, his fingers were laced through mine.  "I'm getting late." I whispered, my resolve getting weaker with his touch.

   I was looking everywhere except his face. He pushed my hair behind my ear as his fingers caressed my cheek. I wanted to brush him off, but my hands had a mind of its own. "Stop it, Rowan."

    "This is very hard for me. You understand that right?" He asked.

     "What I know is that my feelings don't matter to you. If it had, then you wouldn't have broken up with me."

    "Do you remember the first time we met?"

    I gave a nod.

    "I remember thinking you were funny when you said you would save me a seat. It would sound cliché but after that day, I kept thinking about you. And when you gave me the signals..." Rowan laughed. "I decided to take a risk, and I'm glad for it. If I hadn't told you that I loved you, I wouldn't have known this feeling. The day when I took you to my parents' house for dinner, I realized how much your love had consumed me."

   Stop it! Stop saying things that makes me want to love you more.

   "And for once, I knew that you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

   "So what changed?"

   "Nothing, baby. I still love you, but you know, sometimes love is not enough." a tear trickled down his face. "There will never be a cure for me, Alana.

   "It doesn't matter to me, it never did." I whispered, clenching his shirt front. "Are you tired of being with me because I'm nine years younger to you? Or, have you found someone else here in Denmark?"

   Rowan shook his head as if to say he couldn't even imagine those crazy ideas.

   "I've never so much as looked at any other woman when I've been with you, baby. You're just too perfect." He said ignoring the people around who were staring at us, some brushed it off as a lover's goodbye. "And, I can't ruin your life because I'm too selfish to let go. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you, Alana?"

I nodded as I couldn't control when a sob a broke through.

"If we continued this relationship, then there will be point in our lives where it will be too much for you to handle and I will take you down with me. You don't want to be part of my darkness. I'm helpless where Minnie is concerned, she is my daughter but you have a choice."

"What do you want me to do?" I managed to say while still sobbing.

"Move on."

I was overcome by a sharp pain in my heart.

"Would you be okay if I find someone else?" I looked Rowan in the eye and asked because I wanted to know if he really meant what he had said.

   He wasn't looking at me, but he briefly met my gaze and said. "Yes, baby. As much as it hurts, I still want you to find someone better, someone without a truck load of problems. It would make me happy."

   "You're lying." I said.

    He didn't respond which meant he was a bad liar.

   "Why can't we just..." before I had time to complete, Rowan closed the distance between us and his arms were around me. His lips were insistent as he began kissing me slowly and then harder. His tongue moved in urgent strokes, I moaned even though I was so angry and frustrated with him. It was hard to resist when he was kissing me like I was his universe. And it was going to be even harder to let go when I knew what I was going to lose. We were both putting up a show but we didn't care. When we pulled apart, both of us were breathless. Rowan licked the tears off my cheek, showering me with kisses all over my face.