She is the one by Asheslove (book recommendations for young adults txt) 📕

'Hey, Elena' he mumbled cupping my face gently, his eyes looking at me were perturbed and worried.

'He's dead, I killed him' I muttered again in the same low voice.

'Elena look at me' I heard him saying.

'I killed him, I fucking killed someone again' I screamed suddenly on top of my lungs snatching my hand from him looking at myself taking steps back.

'Elena, you are having a panic attack' Nicolas said worriedly taking steps towards me.

'I killed him, he's dead. I took his life' I screeched looking down at the dead corpse lying there.

'I am...I am sorry. I am so sorry. 

I- I didn't mean to kill you, I didn't... Believe me, I don’t have any intention it just - ' I cried walking near the corpse, my throat closing up, body trembling tremendously and raising even one feet to walk become impossible for me.

Nicolas holds me from my shoulders and stopping me pulled me back to him.

'Elena, look at me, look at me' he whispered softly.

'I took someone life again, I killed a person, I am a killer' I screeched clutching my hairs, the air around me felt too tight and heavy to breath as my lungs shrink when I looked at my bloody self.

'Elena Sh, sh, sh baby' he cooed softly holding me closer to his warm chest.

'You didn't killed anyone, you didn't killed him, you will be fine, you are having a panic attack just relax, take long breaths' he said wiping blood from my face.

I moved my head in to and fro.

'No, I killed him, I fucking killed him, I become a murderer like you, I just killed someone again' I screamed my lungs out pointing towards that dead corpse looking at his face from my red eyes.

‘Oh my god, what I did? How can I do the same mistake again, I took someone life with my hands’ I bawled covering my mouth with my bloody trembling hand and holding my stomach which was churning in discomfort. My breathing short and arduous.

‘Elena' 'Elena, breathe, you didn't kill him’ Nicolas said roughly holding me.

‘No, look at me, look what I did. I become like you, I killed him, I had his blood all over me, I am covered in his blood’ I shouted clutching my face.

All the sounds of firing around us ceased and everything went dead silent, the air become still.

'Don't shoot them Leo'.

Nicolas roared, turning his head at other side, his angry red eyes hard like steel smouldering with fire in them but then his head turned back at me and his eyes turned soft, but not the storm behind them.

I don't know what's happening around me, the panic of mine was too much to take and handle for me at the moment. My screams were booming in the surrounding air.

I was continuously screaming and crying clutching my face and hairs with everything in me while Nicolas was trying to control and calm me down, his tone soft but his words won't reach my ears. 

My mind only process one thought,

I KILLED SOMEONE. AGAIN.

'I become monster like you, I killed someone, I killed him' I kept on screaming the lines. My breathing was heavy, throat become painfully raw and hurting like pricking needles but I didn't stop, my voice turn hoarse, words were not even able to came completely out of my throat while I kept on threshing and screaming loudly.

'Elena, stop, calm down. Look at me, you didn't killed anyone, listen to me' Nicolas was talking softly holding me close to him but I kept on screaming and bucking threshing wildly.

'ELENA' 

He shouted my name loudly in his dangerous deadly voice shaking me violently and pushed my body on the wall behind.

His face was murderous and angry, blue eyes frozen like Antarctica and turned dark, nostrils flaring, jaw twitching and I stiffened. My throat closed up due to his sudden change in demeanor to let out any sound or even muffle as his face made me remember of the Nicolas, the monster whom I witnessed before when he kidnapped me in start.

'Ssshhh Elena, calm down' his demeanor same but tone soft.

'Listen to me carefully, you didn't killed anyone, you are not murder or monster like me, it's me who killed him' he said stressing on each word, his voice was strong but calm.

'He's not dead because you stabbed him, he was alive then. He's dead because I shoot him; I killed him before you did. I am the one who killed him Elena, not you. You didn't take his life.' he explained looking seriously straight in my eyes and his feature turned back to soft.

'No, You....’ I hiccupped 

'You are lying' *hiccup* 'I stabbed him before you arrived' *hiccup*

 I killed him' *hiccup again*. 

'I - I have his blood on my hands'.

I managed to say from my hard pants looking back in his blue orbs as tears wailed in my eyes, my body was completely dripping wet with sweat, tears and blood.

'Did I ever lied to you?' 

He asked boaring his eyes deep in mine and I found myself believing on his words.

'Did I?' He asked again and I shake my head in no.

'Trust me baby you didn't kill him, it was me. You don't have his blood on your hands; you are not a killer Elena. Believe me, you are not' he whispered waxily caressing my cheek gently and this time I truly believed his words, I am not killer, I didn’t kill him, I didn’t, it was him.

'I didn't killed him, I didn't took his life. It was you'

'I didn't become a monster again, I didn't. I am not a monster, I am not' I said to myself letting my heart believe it. I don't have to take the blame again.

'Yes, it was me baby, you didn't killed him and neither are you monster' Nicolas said caresing my cheek.

He kept looking in my eyes like is trying to read me whether I trust him or not. His eyes looking at me were concerned.

'Where were you Nik?' I murmured in a low voice.