She is the one by Asheslove (book recommendations for young adults txt) 📕

I kept my mind remembering myself all what Nicolas did but still it keep getting on my damn nerves. I didn't submit myself to him yet it felt like this time he got control over me and not only him I too got some control on his very self. 

I hate him but now that's not the only emotion I feel towards him like earlier, there are many new have developed and whatever I do I couldn't fight them. 

Nicolas is satisfied because now I don't defile him or try to escape him and it's not like I also have any option, he bound me with him like that this time. It is the only thing which is keeping me and my family safe but I felt like discontent. It's turning more like I am yearning something from him in deep inside instead of just physical feelings. I don't know what it is but I feel it whenever he's close, whenever he touches me and even whenever he looks at me and I couldn't deny these feeling even if I want to.

The clouds growl more loudly with lightning in dark night making the loud thunderous sound which somehow felt comforting, the peace compelled my mind giving thoughts to think. Thoughts wants to end up at conclusion and it’s so disappointing that every time whatever I think there's no conclusion at the end, there's only conflict.

After sitting long in front of the window thinking blankly looking at swaying branches of tress dancing with winds on the sweet melody of rain tripping down. When rain become heavier like bucketing down and my body started freezing I left the window open leaving clouds to roar penetrating the silence and went to the bathroom. I took a long relaxing warm shower trying to drain my thoughts for temporarily with the cascading water. 

Pushing these depressing thoughts behind at the back of my head instead I think about the recent events which kept my mind wondering all the time whenever I thought about them. I tried to put the pieces together from whatever I know and heard but at the end most of the pieces are missing. Whatever the man said keep running through my head again and again. Nicolas told that it has nothing to do with me but I can't help myself to convince that it's not related to me.

I put the bathrobe and came out rubbing my long wet hairs with towel which now started reaching down to bottomless because of not getting any trim in last months.

I walked in front of the dressing mirror and looked at my reflection. I almost killed someone and the flashes kept revolving in my head even though it odd that they didn't frighten me like before because I know it's not like I killed him or I am guilty, but it still scared me that maybe if I saw my image in mirror I'll found myself drenched in blood. I looked down at myself, my hands in my reflection but they were all neat and clear. I relieved myself releasing a relief sigh, my eyes fall back on my reflection when saw Nicolas entering inside. 

His gaze found me and eyes strained intensely on me as I looked at him from the mirror, but taken a back when my eyes travelled down from his face to his self. He was completely soaked in rain and blood was dripping down from his right arm drenching already soaked shirt which was stick like a second skin to his muscular body. 

I gasped twirling in fast motion and for the first time I am not scared at least of the blood looking to him. For once I keep standing fazed not knowing what to do as he approached me with slow steps, his eyes not leaving mine or even blinking for once. The intensity of his gaze was burning and freighting me at the same time. It took everything in me to break the eye contact with him.

'I will get the first aid' saying this in a low voice and leaving him there I rushed to the bathroom. I released a deep breath entering inside which I don't even know I was holding till now and opened the cabinet taking out first aid box.

This is not something new, I mean him getting hurt is not new to me. I had many times seen bandages wrapped around different parts of his body. Sometimes when he's badly wounded he stay in guest room but I never question him already predicting how can he got this. 

I came out with first aid box with a wet towel and found him sitting on the couch. I walked to him, my mind was saying me to stop, I mean why do I care, he got hurt many times before and I never even paid attention but at the same time there was a part of me which was denying me. I still really didn't care, I don't care whether he die or live. If I ever got a chance I will gladly watch him dying in front of my eyes rather than saving him like earlier which was the biggest mistake I don’t even know why I made, but I can't help my feet with carried me where he was sitting.

I put the things aside and standing in front of him took a deep breath trying controlling my heart which was accelerating wildly both with fear and I don't know what.

I purposely avoided eye contact with him; he didn't say anything only the sound of his hoarse breathing was reaching to my ears.

I opened the first aid box and leaned forward to take a closer look but he caught my hand in midway, his grip was tight on my wrist but not to cause any pain.

'Don't' his husky voice came. 

'You don't have to, I will do it myself' he said in a curt tone leaving my wrist, his voice was low but vehement and moved to get up to go towards bathroom but I grabbed his shirt from front refraining him to leave.

'Its fine, many things has already changed here.' I said without looking at his face. He didn't say anything further so I took it as yes.

The shirt was tore from where the wound was yet it was not enough help to clean it.

Without hesitation I unbuttoned his wet shirt removing it from his body and leaving it aside leaned forward to get a closer look at the wound. The wound was surely of a gunshot, the bullet must passed touching the skin. I didn’t know where he came from, with whom he fight or whom he killed and neither I wanted to know so I didn’t made any attempt to ask.