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“Mom?” I called out as I came in through the service porch, then on into the kitchen.
“Jess?” she called back. I heard feet approaching from the hallway that ran down the middle of the house. When she came around the corner, I saw that her face was dead white. She let out a little choked sob when she saw me. “Oh, thank God.”
At any other time her reaction might have startled me, but not now. Not after what had just happened to Taylor Ortiz. “I’m fine,” I said. “Only — ”
Her brows drew together. “Only?”
“A girl in my class — she had it. The EMTs came and got her, but they sent me home. It’s probably better if you don’t come too close.”
“Oh, God,” she said, this time invoking the name in horror rather than in relief. She appeared to gather herself, voice strained as she went on, “How do you feel?”
I paused to take stock. “Okay, actually,” I told her. It was true, too. Yes, I was a little shaken after being that close to someone that sick, and then having to fight my way home through hordes of panicky motorists, but otherwise, I felt fine. No fever. No chills. No sweats.
Despite what I’d just told her about staying away, she took a step closer. Motherly instinct, I supposed. She had to reassure herself that I was all right and not merely take my word for it. But because she was a smart woman, she only came close enough to see for herself that I wasn’t flushed or feverish or sweaty.
After a long pause, she nodded. “I keep flipping through the stations, trying to see if someone is giving out any concrete information. What the incubation period is. How infectious the disease is. The — the mortality rate.” She pulled in a breath. “And there’s nothing, except that the situation is being handled and that people should stay home whenever possible. What kind of a policy is that?”
I didn’t know. I would have assumed that in most cases of infection, the CDC would have send out teams to quarantine people and triage those affected, would do everything possible to keep the disease from spreading any further. Or at least, that was what I’d observed on TV when the news covered outbreaks of bird flu or whatever. But I’d seen no real government presence on my way home today, no squads of experts in biohazard gear, no blacked-out SUVs speeding down the street, no…nothing. It was as if this thing was spreading so quickly the government couldn’t begin to contain it.
That thought was too frightening, though, and I quickly pushed it away. Instead, I asked, “Dad? Devin?”
She glanced away from me, her mouth tight. “I can’t reach your father. I sent a text to Devin, telling him to come home, but he hasn’t answered me. I called the school and got a recording that classes had been canceled and everyone sent home. So my best guess is he’s taking the opportunity to have a little unsupervised time with Lori.”
Lori was his girlfriend. The two had been joined at the hip since spring break last year, and I had a feeling my mother’s guess was all too correct. “Did you try calling her house?”
“Of course I did. No answer. And I don’t have her cell number — Devin would never give it to me. At the time, I didn’t think it was worth nagging him about it. Now….”
“I’m sure it’s fine,” I said quickly. No point in having my mother worry any more than absolutely necessary. “If they’re at Lori’s house, then at least they’re inside and away from other people.”
“True, but….”
I knew she would fret about this until Devin appeared, whenever that was. In that moment, fury flashed through me, that he would be so selfish as to go off and bang his girlfriend or whatever while the rest of us were worried sick about him. Uttering such a thing out loud would just set my mother off that much more, though, so I only said, “Why don’t you have some tea while you’re waiting? I need to go up to my apartment and wash my hands and get straightened up, but I’ll be right back down.”
Her eyes were far away, but she nodded. “That sounds like a good idea.”
I sent her what I hoped was an encouraging smile, then went out the back door and down the driveway to the detached garage. The apartment built over it was small, just a little over four hundred square feet, so there was a tiny living room, a spot under one window for a table and two chairs, a kitchenette, and then the bedroom and bath, which was so small I could reach out from the shower stall and open the door if I had to. But at least it was mine, and it felt good to escape there, to hurry up the stairs and run to the bathroom so I could turn on the water as hot as I could stand it, then let it run over my hands as I scrubbed them again and again with antibacterial soap.
As if that would make a difference. It was better than nothing, though, and I couldn’t think of what else to do. My eyes stared back at me from within the mirror, wide and dark, shadowed with worry. I was pale, but I didn’t look sick.
After blotting my hands on a towel, I reached up and felt my forehead. It didn’t seem overly warm, but I’d always heard you couldn’t really detect your own temperature by doing that. So I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the digital thermometer I kept there. After cleaning it off with some rubbing alcohol, I popped it in my mouth and waited.
The seconds went by with agonizing slowness. I wandered out to the living room and sat down on the futon, wondering whether I should turn on my TV, see if I could find anything worth watching. But then, if my mother had been unable to, what made me think I would have any better luck?
Instead, I stared out the window at the tree outside, a honey locust, its leaves just beginning to turn yellow. It was warm during the day, but the nights were already cold. The tree knew its time was coming.
Did I?
The thermometer beeped, indicating it was done measuring my temperature, and I pulled it out of my mouth. For the longest moment, I only held it, scared to look at what the readout might say. Finally, I forced myself to glance down.
97.6.
My breath whooshed out of me, and I dropped the thermometer on top of the coffee table. No temperature at all. On the low side, actually.
But what did that mean? Once you were infected, how long did it take for your fever to start building?
I didn’t know. All I did know was that I wasn’t sick. Not yet, anyway. And I’d left my mother alone long enough. Even if I couldn’t sit next to her, I would be close enough so we could talk, and that would help to keep her from worrying until Devin came home. Which he would, eventually, after he’d gotten his rocks off. I loved my little brother, but sometimes he wasn’t the most considerate of other people’s feelings. Well, other people who weren’t his girlfriend, that is.
After closing the door to my apartment but not locking it, I went back into the main house, past the washer and dryer and the overflow pantry where my mother put all the big containers of items from Costco, the sort of stuff that was “such a good deal she couldn’t pass it up.” What in the world we were going to do with that much tomato sauce or rolled oats, I had no idea.
She must have turned the television on, because I could hear it blathering away as I approached. “…everyone is encouraged to stay inside and away from people with obvious signs of infection. If a fever presents, take analgesics such as aspirin or ibuprofen. Ice packs are also effective. If the fever rises to above 103 degrees Fahrenheit, go to your nearest emergency room….”
I stopped dead at the entrance to the kitchen. Not because I didn’t want to get any closer to my mother, but because I knew it really didn’t matter whether I was infected or not.
Her body was sprawled on the kitchen floor, limp, one of her low-heeled pumps hanging half off her foot. Panic flashed through me, so quick and sudden that I could actually feel my knees beginning to buckle. I grabbed on to the doorframe for support, telling myself I didn’t have time to lose it right now. After swallowing a huge gulp of air, I said, “Mom?”
No reply, but then I heard her breathing, rapid and shallow, like our old dog Sadie after a particularly strenuous walk. We’d lost Sadie last winter.
Stupid of me to be thinking of that now.
I went into the kitchen and knelt down next to my mother, reaching out to touch her shoulder. The skin under the silk blouse she’d worn to work was almost scorching, or at least it felt that way to my shaky fingers. “Mom?”
The faintest of groans. It wasn’t much, but it was a sign that she could still hear me, hadn’t yet retreated so far that she couldn’t even react to outside stimuli.
Obviously, I couldn’t leave her here. My parents’ bedroom was upstairs, and I quailed at the thought of trying to move her all the way up the flight of stairs that led to the second story. Maybe I could just lay her down on the couch in the family room? At least until my father got home, and then the two of us could get her properly in bed. Even then I knew calling an ambulance was pointless. I couldn’t count on anyone to come, so I figured the best thing to do was to get her as comfortable as possible.
I took her by the shoulders, and, as gently as I could,
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