Searching for Anna by Jenifer Carll-Tong (best classic books of all time .txt) π
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- Author: Jenifer Carll-Tong
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"Oh!" she said, backing up hurriedly. "Yes, of course. Please." She motioned for him to join her at the table.
Will's eyes darted around the pile of crumpled stationery.
"I β I was just writing you a letter," she stuttered, quickly sweeping the balls of paper out of the way.
"Me?"
"Yes," she answered easily. No blushing. No stammering. The time had come to tell Will everything. "I have much to say."
"So do I," he began.
Phoebe took a step toward Will. "You were right, Will." She took another step. "You were right about so many things." She reached her hand toward him.
"I'm leaving Iron Falls."
It was said so quickly and with so little emotion, Phoebe thought for certain that she had misheard him. "Leaving?"
"Yes," Will answered. "I've been offered a post in Detroit. I leave immediately."
"But β but what about β?" me, she thought.
"Jesse Moore has been promoted to Sergeant. He is a fine officer. I have no doubt Iron Falls is in good hands."
"I'mβ¦ I'm sorry Willβ¦"
He stared at her, eyes void of any affection, and it chilled her. It occurred to her that for as long as she could remember, Will had looked upon her with affectionβ¦no, he had always looked upon her with love. The chilling reality of the present situation reminded her of John's words at Wendell's funeral.
"Even strong men like Will can have fragile hearts. They can sustain a chip easily and even a crack, but when broken completely, even the sincerest apology won't be able to repair it."
"There's no need for an apology. This is an amazing opportunity for me," Will interrupted. "Opportunities like this don't come around every day."
She had done it. She had broken Will's heart irrevocably. And sorry wasn't going to fix it. Not this time.
"I don't know what to say," she said, her own soft words sounding petty to her own ears.
She watched Will swallow hard and felt the vice around her heart squeeze tighter. She had never seen him this distant before. The anger he must feel for herβ¦
"Say you wish me well," he finally answered. "Say you will pray for me."
She didn't want to wish him well. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted to throw herself into his arms, beg him for forgiveness, ask him to stay. But she didn't. Once upon a time, Will had quietly supported her as she followed her dreams. Will had set his own dreams aside and had given up far better opportunities to come to Iron Falls just so he could ensure that Phoebe's calling was fulfilled. He had done nothing to deserve what he had endured. It was Phoebe's own fault, her own selfish desires that had caused her to lose this man's love. But she refused to be so selfish as to keep him from answering his own calling. It was Will's turn to follow his heart. Even if it meant that hers would be broken in the process.
"I wish you well, Will," she said. "And you will be in my prayers. Every day."
Will nodded once, picked up his haversack, and left the parsonage.
Phoebe slowly counted to ten, begging God to return Will to her, begging Him to urge Will to turn back. But the longer she stared at the closed doors, the weaker her knees became until, all at once, they gave out beneath her, landing her in a sobbing puddle in the middle of the room.
Will stood outside of the parsonage for several moments. He stood completely still, waiting for some sort of sign, some sort of reason to not go.
Every fiber in his being said to turn around. Walk back into that cabin and wrap her in his arms. Tell her that he loves her.
But he didn't. Because his loving her had never been the issue. After all these years, after everything they had been through, Phoebe still did not love him. And there was nothing he could do to change that.
Leaving was the right thing to do, the right thing for both of them. Will knew that was the truth.
Then why was it so difficult?
Just move, he told himself. Take one step, then another, until you step onto that train.
It was that simple. And it was that difficult.
"Dear God, please help me."
But he heard no answer. He felt nothing from God. He only felt the constricting pain in his chest each time he breathed, each time his heart beat.
"Just move," he said.
Will took one step, then another. He walked away, from the cabin, from his hopes, from what he had thought God had called him to.
And he walked away from the only woman he knew he would ever love.
A brisk winter wind hit Phoebe hard as she stepped out of Simmons' store. She buttoned the top of her coat tightly around her neck and hurried toward the train depot. She was too impatient to wait until she reached home to read the letter she had just received, so she took refuge in the partition on the empty platform that had been erected to block the wind for waiting passengers. The platform was empty now and would offer her all the privacy, and shelter, she needed.
Phoebe ripped open the envelope and began to read.
Dear Miss Albright,
I must admit that your letter was a bit of a shock, not only in content, but also in attitude, and it took me a few days to digest the full weight of it entirelyβ¦
Phoebe squeezed her eyes tightly, afraid to read on. Unlike the letter to her father when she had first arrived in Iron Falls, which she had written hastily and with anger in her heart, her letter to Dr. Berger had been written with intention, each word chosen carefully and prayed over. Her future in Iron Falls depended on it. If Dr. Berger's response was negative, she had no other recourse but to abandon her ministry in the Upper Peninsula and return home, having failed at not only love, but God's work as well.
She took a deep breath and continued.
Now that I have taken the time to pray and to consider your words carefully, I have an answer for you.
Never in all of my career have I been taken to task by a subordinate the way that you did in your letter. My first inclination was to travel to Iron Falls post haste and relieve you of your position immediately. However, that was before my wife got a hold of your letter.
You see, although I have never been taken to task by a subordinate in the church, I am well practiced in the art by my wife. It has been with her guidance that I can now see the error of my ways. As you so eloquently pointed out, the only fault I found in your ministry was the fact of your singleness. In every other sense, your work has been exemplary. To remove a successful pastor from a pastorate just because he or she is unmarried is ridiculous and I am embarrassed to admit that you are correctβ¦if you were a man, I never would have considered this.
Please understand, I never meant to insult you. But, as my very wise wife has pointed out, just because I would not be where I am today without her by my side does not mean that somehow you are unable to complete God's calling on your life just because God has not chosen a mate for you.
I pray that you can find it in your heart to forgive this old, ignorant man. I pray that God will continue to bless your ministry in the Upper Peninsula.
Sincerely,
Dr. Francis Berger
"Well, good morning to you, Pastor Albright."
Phoebe jumped, nearly dropping the letter. "Officer Moore!
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