Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

 The second I snapped back to the real world, I noticed my surroundings and it began sinking in that I'd been wandering the streets for hours without taking notice of the flying time. My sweat-shirt appeared soaked from the heavy rain. A shiver ran through my body. My legs turned blocks of wood from being glued to one place. I slowly pulled myself up and made my way towards the dorms.

Shit! Had I loitered around the streets for more time, Nina would have filed a missing person's report.

I entered the hallway to the dorm building; a trail of water dripped the entire way upstairs. Being drained of every ounce of energy, I literally staggered my way up. As soon as I opened the door to the room, my eyes travelled to Nina who stood near the bay window. She didn't seem angry, just terrified and worried. I had been out for hours with my cellphone lying in Rowan's bedroom. She had every right to yell at me but she remained calm and offered me just three words, "I'm sorry."

The last memory of that night was when I cried my eyes out on the floor until there was nothing left and then cried myself to sleep. I woke up late that morning, finding the drapes closed. A dull ache settled deep within when I realized Rowan wasn't with me anymore.

Wait. Where does that leave us? Has he broken up with me?

For the next several days, I had resorted to completely shut myself out. I didn't talk to anyone. Just attended college, ate my meals, completed the assignments and slept early. That was the usual drill until Chez turned up one morning for idle chatter but I told him I wasn't ready yet. Nina tried more times than I could count and gave up eventually. The fact that I wasn't the Alana that they knew was tragic according to them. Well, they would have to live with it.

A week later, Chez and Nina were convinced I had gone mute. Forgive me, if I'm not in a mood for jolly chaff. I had no intentions of pulling myself out of the depression with donuts and cartoons of chocolate ice-cream so those shits did something more advanced which is calling Rowan's older brother. It was a Sunday afternoon, both my friends were 'hanging out', which I'm sure was more than that. Not that I needed to spend my Sunday witnessing the two giggle and cuddle. My idea of an ideal Sunday was remaining cooped up in the dorm room with the curtains pulled tight, keeping any form of light from entering and staring into space.

Such fun!

I jumped out of my skin when I heard a knock on the door.

"Alana, you awake?" Dwight's voice drifted from outside the door, "It's me, Dwight."

I wasn't ready for questions, better yet, I wasn't ready to talk. I refused to offer him an answer.

"I know you're in there, Alana." Dwight tried, "You just have to hear me out. I'll do the talking."

Reluctantly, I hopped off the bed, the large beige bear that Rowan had given me hung loose in my arms. I opened the door. Dwight's eyes went wide, not that I expected a very impressive compliment over the very depressive me. "Can I come in?"

For a second I thought it was Rowan standing in the doorway. The pair of mocha colored eyes contemplated whether I would allow him to enter the room or not. I nodded, shutting the door behind him and motioning him to take a seat. He settled on the study table chair while I took over the bed. I didn't remember the last time I had watched Dwight wear any casuals. He wore a blue flannel shirt, the long sleeves rolled up with black sneakers and casual denims. Who would guess he was the C.E.O to the Masters enterprise? The more I stared at him, the more he reminded me of Rowan. I glanced away.

"What are you doing to yourself?" Dwight asked.

I remained silent.

"You not answering my question isn't going to cut it." Dwight continued. His voice wasn't the soft playful anymore, he sounded serious.

"What do you want me to say?" I looked him dead in the eye, "Besides, I never agreed to talk."

Dwight inched closer to me, lifting my face up by the chin. "Talk to me, Alana, just talk to someone. How long are you going to keep up the silent treatment? Your friends are worried."

I hugged the large bear harder. The clock ticking was the only sound in the room.

Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock!

It was a Sunday dammit! Dwight had Sundays off so I wasn't going to be off the hook any sooner. I reached for the drawers of the study table and removed Rowan's apartment keys. "I need to take some of my stuff out of his apartment and then you can have these."

Dwight pushed the keys back in my hands, "That's Rowan's apartment and I have no right over it. He left it for you. You can go and study there, in fact you can move into it. It will be a lot easier for you. I'm sure Rowan would want that too."

I gawked at him in shock. Dwight smiled, "I have something else for you." He dug his hands deep into the back pockets of his denims and retrieved another pair of keys. A Hummer symbol glimmered on my palm. I recognized those keys right away. He curled my fingers around it.

"These are Rowan's car keys, why are you giving it to me?"

"What's Rowan's is yours, baby." Dwight grinned, "It's yours to keep."

Tears teetered my cheeks, "What does this mean, Dwight?"

"He wants you to have it."

I threw the keys across the room in a rage, "Who does he think he is? What right does he have to put me through all this? And he thought he could bribe me by giving me his apartment and his car? Rowan left me with nothing but a note. He wants to control my life although he is out of the fucking country. Well, guess what? He doesn't need to resort to bribing me. I'm already stuck thinking about him all day. All I do is think about him, Dwight." I gasped through the heavy breathing, "I'm so hopeless without him. I wanted to be near him. I wanted to look after him."