Agent to the Stars by John Scalzi (read me like a book .TXT) 📕

of you. Now, as Tom once said to me, less talk. More walk. Get up.”

When we got to the meeting room, it was much less stench-filled than when we left it. Still, the residue of the hours-long debate wafted in the air of the room, like the echoes after a rally; it smelled like the lion cage at the zoo after a particularly large meal had been consumed.

“Tom, Miranda, Jim,” Gwedif said, as we entered. “Welcome back.”

“Thank you, Gwedif,” I said. “It smells much better in here now.”

“It got worse before it got better,” Gwedif confided. “At some points it was so thick in here that we had to stop to clear the air.”

“We use that expression, too,” I said.

“Yes, but you don’t mean it literally,” Gwedif said.

Joshua, who had been conferring with one of the Yherajk, trotted over and spoke to Gwedif. “Got the last-minute objection ironed out,” he said. “We’re ready.”

“Very well,” Gwedif said. “Should you speak or should I?”

“It’s your show, big man,” Joshua said. “Far be it from me to steal your thunder.”

“All right, then,” Gwedif said, and wafted out a not-too-obnoxious odor. The Yherajk on the risers, who had been clustered in groups, broke out of the groups and arrayed themselves in their formal positions. When they had gotten to their places, Gwedif spoke to us.

“The ientcio wishes me to inform you that after much debate, the senior officers have decided, at this juncture, to withdraw all opposition on moral ground to Joshua’s inhabitation of your friend’s body,” he said. “Be aware that this does not mean that the senior officers have fully resolved the overarching philosophical and ethical issues at hand. Far from it, in fact. Be that as it may, the senior officers have come to agree that what is moral and ethical for Yherajk may not have an exact analogue for humanity, and that this is likely to be one of those issues where the analogue does not exist. If nothing else comes of this, you may at least have the consolation that you’ve introduced a new philosophical issue for the Yherajk to argue about for at least a century or two.”

“I didn’t mean to cause trouble,” I said, looking at the Yherajk that I assumed was the ientcio. “You have to believe that I meant well.”

“The ientcio says he understands that you humans have a phrase — ‘The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.’ He suggests that this may be a case where that phrase might apply.”

“Possibly,” I said. “But we also have another phrase, ‘You have to go through Hell before you get to Heaven.’ It might also apply.”

“The ientcio agrees that it might indeed,” Gwedif said.

“I can’t believe you just quoted a Steve Miller tune to the leader of an alien race,” Van Doren, standing next to me, muttered under his breath.

“Shut up,” I muttered back. “It worked.”

“With the ethical issues in this case tabled at least for the moment, we have one final issue to confront,” Gwedif said. “But there is a complication. It involves one of you.”

“Which one?” I asked.

“Before I can answer that, I have to request something,” Gwedif said. “We have to ask something of one of you. That person must answer a question, and that answer must be truthful, arrived at without coercion from the other two of you. There’s a number of ways that we could do this, but the most convenient would simply be that the one of you asked the question to answer it without conferring with others.”

“How would you do that?” I asked.

“We’d ask the other two of you to step away and turn around.”

“Kind of low-tech, isn’t it?” Van Doren asked.

“You’d prefer electrodes or something?” Gwedif said, breaking formality for just a second.

“Well, no,” Van Doren admitted.

“Then I suggest we do it my way,” Gwedif said. “Will you all agree to this?”

We all nodded our assent.

“The person is Miranda,” Gwedif said.

“Crap,” Miranda sighed. “It figures.”

“Tom, Jim, please turn around and step back,” Gwedif said. “Please listen, but do nothing else.”

We did as we were told.

“Now, Miranda,” we heard Gwedif said. “As I’m sure you know, your friend Michelle’s mind is severely damaged. Even if Joshua were to attempt to inhabit the body, he would not be able to control it, because of the severity of the brain damage.”

“I understand that,” I heard Miranda say.

“Normally, this would be the end of the issue,” Gwedif said. “But Joshua has suggested another avenue that we have never explored. Simply put, it involves removing Michelle’s remaining personal memories, then replacing the damaged brain, and using a template of another, similar brain to control Michelle’s body.”

“My brain,” Miranda said.

“That’s right,” Gwedif said. “By examining how your brain functions and handles body operation, it’s possible that Joshua might be able to train his own body to mimic your total brain function, and then use those functions to handle Michelle.”

“Will that really work?” Miranda asked.

“We don’t know. There are several issues that complicate matters. The first, of course, is whether Joshua can successfully map your brain at all, well enough to have that map control a human body. The second issue is whether the way your brain handles your body is at all similar to the way Michelle’s brain handled hers. There are bound to be subtle differences, and possibly some that are not so subtle. The advantage would be that it would help give Joshua an even better idea of what it is to be human. It’s also the only idea we’ve come up with that has a chance, however small, of succeeding.”

“Why can’t you use Tom’s brain or Jim’s brain as a model?” Miranda asked. “They’re human, too.”

“Yes, but they’re men,” Gwedif said. “On the level of bodily function, this presents obvious problems, since men and women are physically sexually differentiated. Tom’s brain or Jim’s brain aren’t prepared, for example, to handle something like menstruation.”

“There’s a comment that works on a whole bunch of levels,” Miranda said.

“I’ll bet,” Gwedif said. “Beyond the physical issues, men and women also have different cognitive structure to their brains — they use different parts of their brains to handle the same tasks. They’re different enough that it would just make sense to use a woman’s brain if we can. In a way, it’s very lucky that you found out about Joshua; otherwise the chances of success for this idea would be even lower than they already are.”

“How would you make a template of my brain?” Miranda asked. “Would you do what you did with Jim?”

“It’s going to be quite a bit more involved than that, I’m afraid,” Gwedif said. “Joshua would literally have to go swimming in your brain, examining each part of it, discovering how it functions and how it relates to every other part. He did this to some extent with Ralph, the dog whose body he inhabited, but in that case he had a couple of weeks to do it, and it was a fairly organic process. This will be much quicker and more invasive. There is some potential for injury on your part. We feel that it is small, but we would be remiss not to bring it up.”

“What happens to Michelle’s brain?” Miranda said. “I mean, the one that’s in there right now?”

“I suppose we’d get rid of it,” Gwedif said. “It serves no further purpose at that point. It’s already terribly damaged, and if we can’t get this to work, your friend Michelle will be dead regardless.”

“That’s terrible,” Miranda said, and I could hear a trace of bitterness in her voice. “She deserves better than to have her brain, or any part of her, just thrown in the trash. Any of us do.”

“I understand,” Gwedif said. “And we’re all very aware of your opposition to having Joshua inhabit the body. That’s why we need to ask you, without input from Tom or Jim, whether you would do this. You will possibly be risking your own life and your own brain for something that is not likely to work. If it does not, your friend will certainly die. If it does, your friend is still dead and another person will have taken her place. This is your decision, Miranda. It can be made by no one but you.”

I suddenly felt my hand taken up by Miranda’s. “It’s funny,” she said. “I understand why you don’t want me to ask Tom or Jim about it. I know how much this means to Tom. I don’t know what it means to Jim, but if I had to guess, I’d say that he’d agree with Tom. But I think that either of them would tell me to make up my own mind. I’m sure of it, in fact.”

I squeezed Miranda’s hand fiercely. She squeezed it back briefly, and then let it go.

“I have a few more questions,” Miranda said.

“Of course,” Gwedif said.

“If Joshua goes into my brain, will he be making a copy of me?”

“I’ll answer that,” I heard Joshua said. “Miranda, no. I don’t have any interest in things like your memories, just the way your brain handles your body.”

“But who I am isn’t just my memories, it’s how I see the world,” Miranda said. “Part of that’s got to be how my brain works.”

“Well, yes,” Joshua said. “But, remember that your brain pattern is going to be overlaid onto my personality as it is now, and that Michelle’s memories will also be in a mix. The end result is going to be something that’s part you, part me, and part Michelle. And part Ralph the dog, now that I think about it. It’s going to be a wild time inside that skull, let me tell you.”

“How much of Michelle is going to be in there?” Miranda asked.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Joshua said. “I have to see what works and what doesn’t.”

“You have to promise me that you have as much of Michelle in there as possible,” Miranda said. “And not just memories, Joshua. Anything of her that can be salvaged.”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Joshua said. “It may make it more difficult to inhabit the body.”

“I don’t care,” Miranda said. “If you need me to do this, you have to live with my conditions. That’s my condition. You and I don’t belong in that body, Joshua. She does. I want as much of her in there as can be there. Or we have no deal.”

“You understand that what you’re asking may put you yourself at additional risk,” Gwedif said. “Joshua will have to spend more time integrating your brain with what remains of her brain. The longer he has to be in your brain, the more dangerous it is for you.”

“I figured as much,” Miranda said. “But it’s important to me. And it’s the only way I’ll do it.”

“Are you sure?” Joshua asked.

“I am,” Miranda said.

“All right,” Joshua said. “I’ll do it your way.”

“Then I’ll do it,” Miranda.

It was only after I relaxed that I realized I was tense. I turned around.

“When do we start?” Miranda asked Joshua

“As soon as you’re ready,” Joshua said. “You might want to have that extra stretcher from the ambulance to rest on, though. It’s going to be a long, drawn out process.”

“I’ll make arrangements,” Gwedif said, and slid away to do so. Joshua stepped back to the risers, apparently to confer with the senior officers. I went to Miranda, who stood there, looking drained.

“You’re a star,” I told her.

She smiled wanly. “I bet you say that to all the girls,” she said.

“Sure,” I said. “But I really mean it