Kerplunk - It's Over!! by A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends (100 best novels of all time txt) 📕

spent all of our money, I didn’t know it but the house was in foreclosure, all of the bills were past due and utilities were turned off. He ruined my credit and he called my boss, slandered me and I was fired." – Jessica, 30

Fighting An Uphill Battle
Most of our girlfriends did not give up the fight easily and tried to save their marriage every which way possible. They really tried to make it work. For whatever reasons, they deemed most important: for the kids, for their parents, for their husbands, or for the silliest reason of all – they just didn't want to have a failed marriage on their personal record! Some took physical abuse just hoping that this time he'd change so they would not have to say they were divorced. Women are natural problem solvers. Women normally try to re-engage their husbands, and are apt to continue to give it chance after chance in hopes it will get better and things will be all love-in-bloom once more.
Are you tired of trying? So tired you can't muster the energy to even engage and care anymore? Are you caught in the vicious cycle trying to get your needs met while hubby ignores the fact that your marriage has been on ice for so long the sheets have freezer burn? Are you tired of being dismissed by your beloved with statements like:
“Are you on the rag? Woman, what are you bitching about now?”
“You are over-reacting again.”
“Why are you being so sensitive?”


“You used to be fun; how come you aren't fun anymore?"
When you can take an honest look at your marriage and decide that you can do no more to mend it, this might be the beginning of the end. It wasn't an easy realization but finally, after years of trying, our girlfriends knew when their days were numbered.

And on a positive note…
“We didn’t have a breaking point or devastating event. Rather, our relationship dissolved over time. Through marriage counseling, we both arrived at the conclusion we were too young to live like roommates in a marriage.” – Mary, 36

“I felt a sense of relief when he would leave the house to go out for a run. Every time I heard an ambulance, I secretly hoped it was for him and that someone hit him and he was dead.” – Pam, 29

“I could never do anything right, including making a grocery list the way he thought it should be written! I was never allowed to have money. I had to ask him for cash to pay for gas. The worse abuse was in the bedroom. He would look at pictures of other “sexy” women during sex and force me to watch porn with him so he could have a desire to have sex with me. Then there was the porn I didn’t see but later found the bills for all the 1-900 sex numbers. Neighbors began telling me they had seen Ex out with other women. Strange women would call and tell me they had been “dating” him. After 14 years, there was basically nothing left of my self-esteem.” – Faith, 37
And on a positive note…
“We loved each other so much but it wasn’t romantic. We were more like roommates but it was easy and comfortable for both of us. We didn’t even have fights – looking back it just felt normal. We separated for a while and missed each other but realized life was too short and we both wanted something more.”– Meredith, 33

“Every couple has their problems and we had our share over the years, but as he climbed higher on the corporate ladder, he became more controlling and treated me more as one of his “employees” or as a child than as his partner in marriage. I would say I wasn’t really happy for at least the last 5 years of our marriage, so we were married 19 years when I started to consider leaving. Receiving my real estate license, and finding a career for myself after my kids finished high school gave me a sense of confidence and I’m sure that played a part in realizing that I had options besides staying in an unhappy marriage.”
– Hannah, 57
“I realized that I would never be perfect enough for him. I would never be the reflection of what he thought someone worthy of him should be. I was tired of getting weighed on the bathroom scale every morning." – Julie, 35

“I was tired of being the bread winner. He had not contributed to our income on any real level in 3 years. I was carrying all the financial hardship, raising the kids, keeping us afloat so he could drift from one dead end job to the next.”
– Kelly, 50
And on a positive note…
“Our failed marriage was my fault. I take responsibility for it completely.
I pushed him away. I didn’t love him anymore. I worked like crazy. I took contract jobs that sent me overseas for months at a time. For a long time I lacked the courage to just end it. Then I realized that he deserved to be
in a loving relationship, we both did, and if I didn’t leave I was doing us both
a huge disservice.” – Alexia, 43

Have you heard any of those comments before? Have you secretly thought any of that? You probably know a lot of our girlfriends! They look just like you and me. They have become very skilled at pretending everything is just fine, while some of them are living in quiet agony. All of our girlfriends have emerged on the other side and are now emblazoned and empowered! Bottom line, ladies...you will know when you've reached the end. There will come a point in time when you know you can't deal with your current life any longer. It's different for everyone and we want you to know this: there is no shame in determining what is to be your final straw. Both you and your husband deserve to be in loving, emotionally stable and supportive relationships. You may have to be the one who takes the first step towards happiness for you both.


"You can't be pitiful and powerful at the same time."
– Susan Hite, The Susan Hite Radio Show


Chapter 2 Checklist: The Beginning of the End

___ Put a big “X” on this box to acknowledge that you heard some of the same comments from your intimate partner that you read in this chapter. It is not about you!
___ By this point you’ve already had glimpses that your marriage might not survive. List some of the things you’ve observed that are dysfunctional: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___ Check this box because you are not giving up! You just read our girlfriends’ stories sharing how they did not give up either. Girl Power!
____ Noodle on this: In evaluating your marriage, make a list of what you think are characteristics of a good marriage. Can you find those traits in your relationship? What’s missing? How could you fix it?


CHAPTER 3
The Final Straw – Knowing when to say when
How will you know when it's the end? How will you know when you can't make it work anymore? How will you know when the light has finally gone out in your heart or his heart; that you have no more love left for him or perhaps just no more energy to try to make him love you or to be what he wants you to be? We don't know when you will reach your limit; what the final thing, incident, or trigger will be? We don’t even know when that will happen. Our girlfriend’s didn’t know until the moment it happened. We only know that you WILL without a doubt have nothing left to give to the marriage. That is when it's the final straw.
Listen up. Contrary to popular belief you cannot make someone else happy. You are only truly able to make yourself happy. If your spouse is depressed, unhappy with his life, or suffering from an addiction, you cannot fix him or make him happy. You can help, but he will have to do the hard work to find his own happiness. So often, women will stay in an unhappy lifestyle in anticipation of making everyone else's life easier or fixing someone. Oh? You are living that scenario right now? Well, how's it working out for you? Now is the time for you to take responsibility for your own personal happiness – whatever that means to you. Only when you are emotionally sound and yes, happy, can you truly offer your best to any of your other relationships.
Take a deep breath, a long walk, a sip of wine and get ready. Take a good hard look at your marriage and listen to what our surveyed girlfriends noted were the top 5 reasons they decided it was time call it quits.
The Top 5 Reasons Our Girlfriends Chose to Throw in Towel:
1) “We married too young.” “We grew apart.” “Our interests changed.” “It was a mistake from the beginning.”
2) Emotional Abuse, Substance Abuse
3) Physical Abuse
4) Financial Abuse
5) Infidelity

Did any of those points resonate with you? We thought so. You are not alone. Have we told you that before? Now, let’s break that list down and hear what our girlfriends’ similar stories of divorce decisions – should I stay or should I go?

1) We married too young, we grew apart, interests changed, it was a mistake from the beginning
You read in the last chapter that some of our girlfriends got bitten by the love bug, raced to the altar only to come down with a honking case of regret. Some married right out of college. Many felt like it was "the next step" and felt pressure from their parents to grow up and get started on a family. One girlfriend notes, “I loved our life. I loved our stuff. I loved the fantasy of the storybook life that others thought we lived. I just did not love my husband anymore.” Are you living in dysfunction junction? Whether it is gross unhappiness, loss of respect, loss of trust due to infidelity, or simply loss of affection for any number of reasons, you will know when you finally reach the end of your rope. You know your marriage has gone on way past the expiration date and you may have developed feelings of disregard or animosity toward your husband. Some of our girlfriends said that they’d prefer to eat glass rather than to be around him. Love can withstand a lot, but hate grabs onto your soul and squeezes the pudding out of it!

“We married too young. I didn't know who I was or what I really wanted in life, only that he thought I hung the moon and wanted to take care of me. I had fallen out of love with him over the years. We were roommates, not in a loving relationship that I desired. He was a decent husband. I would have preferred he be a better dad, but I made concessions for that over the years. As time got closer for my kids to go away to college, I began to dread being alone with him. I could not imagine spending