Kerplunk - It's Over!! by A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends (100 best novels of all time txt) 📕
Excerpt from the book:
- Stories from women who survived difficult marriages.
- A guidebook to help women during the end of their marriage.
- Tools for helping a woman who is the victim of domestic violence.
- A guidebook to help women during the end of their marriage.
- Tools for helping a woman who is the victim of domestic violence.
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- Author: A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends
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address instead of a P.O. address. Some credit card companies and banks insist on mailing directly to a real address. The cost per month is a bit higher than the US Post Office, but we think the benefits outweigh the additional expense. If you retain an attorney, order a new credit card, open a bank account, contact social services, or a therapist you will probably be receiving some mail from them and it is usually not the best idea to have that stuff sent to your home address. Perhaps you can use your office address or have it sent to a trusted friend or family member’s home. We suggest using a source you can control and the private P.O. Box is the best option.
"It turned out my husband was going through the mail before I got home from work and would take bills and personal mail addressed to me and hide them. When we separated, he would drive to the house (he was not living there and had his mail forwarded to a P.O. Box) and take my mail (again, bills and personal mail). I was so naive that I never suspected he would do that and did not realize it for several months. I was so mad at myself but my attention was diverted because of the separation and divorce. I wish I had the foresight to get a P.O. Box." – Kim, 36
3. Establish a separate credit card and bank account
It is surprising how many married women do not have a credit card or bank account separate from their spouse preferably with a different bank and credit card company than you currently share with your husband.
“I had not had a personal account since we got married. My Ex had twice before shut down both our joint checking account and credit cards when he had gotten mad at me. I wasn’t going to be financially paralyzed again. I began skimming cash out of my company mileage reimbursement each month. I opened a personal checking account and obtained a credit card in my name. I still had very little money in the account, so a few hours before I told Ex that I was leaving, I withdrew $2,000 from our joint checking account. It was my money too. There was $20,000 in that account. In hindsight, I should have gone ahead and cleaned out my half. I was not thinking far enough ahead and I suffered for it!”
– Marcy, 33
"I never had any idea how much the bills were, who we paid, how much was in the bank accounts, if we had retirement or how much. He kept saying I did not need to bother myself with it. We were married right after college and I didn't know any better. I really wish I had insisted on knowing." – Geranna, 34
“We had shared joint accounts since we had been married. He did the online banking. My paycheck and bonuses were direct deposited into the joint account. I earned over $100,000 a year and I had no idea of our financial situation. In order to get a grasp on how much money we had coming in and out of our checking account, I went twice a week to a bank branch office, but not the one where we normally banked. I was afraid they would tell my husband what I was doing. I confided in one of the female tellers of my dilemma and my plan to leave him. Twice I week I visited her and she would print an updated copy of all our accounts. I was shortly able to see where our money went, what utilities were drafted from the account, and get a true picture of our financial situation.”
– Drew, 39
"When we got married, we did not have a joint account yet so he put all of the wedding money in his personal account. We opened a joint account and made deposits to get it going and he continued to overdraw the account and he never put our wedding money in it. He said he spent all of the wedding money on his sports equipment." – Leslie, 25
Girlfriends, if you don’t have a handle on your money – joint or otherwise – get on it! The average woman knows exactly how many pounds her weight fluctuates day to day but does not know how much money she has in which accounts and the total due on her credit card. Snicker if you want, you know it is true! Have you heard the saying “…for love or money”? Well, more often than not, when you lay down the divorce gauntlet to your beloved, he is going to choose your (joint) money over his love for you. If you don’t know how much money you have (remember half of it is yours), you could fall prey to a lot of threats and hassle about how much he is going to allow you to have.
“My Ex accused me of bleeding our joint account prior to out separation. I had contacted the bank months before and had them send a printed statement each month to my mother’s home address. He banked online only. I was able to present 6 months worth of bank statements to both our attorney’s proving that I had not.” – Lauren, 41
“I married young. He was older and his family had so much money that we never had to worry. Well, he never wanted to get a job, jumped from cooking school to writing classes. Everything collapsed, he told me he was cheating on me and then I found out he took almost $10,000 from me, which I had worked very hard to earn. He ended it and I was left standing with my jaw dropped.”
– Claire, 50
“After my divorce, my credit went down the crapper! During our marriage my husband handled the finances and toward the end, bills were not getting paid on time. This showed up on my credit report even after producing evidence that we were no longer married. Many of the vendors still wanted to hold me responsible for my ex-husband’s debt even years after our divorce! Girls, NEVER be without your own checking account and credit card.“ – Vicky, 50
Desperate Measures: Install spy software on your home computer
The most honest and straightforward means of discovering the information you seek is simply to ask your husband for it. “Honey, you have been so great to manage our finances all these years but I feel like it’s high time I know what’s what in our money matters. How about you sit down with me and give me a complete summary of our passwords and usernames to our accounts. That would be so sweet of him, wouldn’t it? If you can’t imagine that scene playing out in a positive way, then let’s discuss how you will wrangle that information you have to have before you go meet with an attorney.
Answer the following questions honestly and please answer YES OR NO?
1) I don’t handle our family finances
2) My husband pays most/all of our bills online
3) My husband manages our stock portfolio online
4) My husband is secretive about our account passwords and I don’t have a damn clue what they are or how to get them
5) I suspect my husband of adultery/internet dating/ having an online emotional affair
If you answered YES to even one of those and you have the slightest inclination that you might leave your husband, download keystroke monitoring software onto the computer that he uses most A.S.A.P. We know it feels covert. That’s because it
IS! Get over it. It is better to find out now and develop a plan than to mill about for a few more years wondering! This will give you the answers you need. He will either be off the hook or you will know what kind of a man you are dealing with and then you can take the steps to move forward.
A keystroke recorder (sometimes referred to as a keystroke manager or logger) is software that can be easily downloaded from the Internet and will secretly record everything that is entered from the keyboard of that computer. Some programs also monitor all emails and instant messages, and views website activity. Cool, huh? We know it sounds shady and sketchy, but this is about protecting you, right? There is information you need. Sometimes this is the only means of getting the full picture.
Enter “free keystroke logger” into your computer web browser and voila! You will discover a myriad of free keystroke recorders. Usually there is a 30-day trial period. The software will remain hidden on your computer for 30 days and you can access the keystroke records at anytime during this period. BUT BE WARNED! At the end of the 30-day trial a message will pop up unexpectedly on your screen alerting the viewer that the trial is over and asking you to purchase a package. It would be bad news if your husband witnessed that pop-up window instead of you. So plan ahead. If you aren’t going to buy the package, go Delta Force on this mission. Get in. Get the info. Get out…and dismantle that software when you’re done! If you can’t figure out how, call those guys at customer tech support. Don't be shy. We’re pretty sure they get hundreds of these types of phone calls every day! Or pay the money (about $100) because it is a small cost and this is the place to spend it. Don't put this charge on your joint credit card account! Don't forget to print out the screen shots or information that you uncover – you may need it for a lawyer or court.
“One day I was on my company laptop at my office. I was shocked to see the pop-up window cheerfully announcing “Your 30-day trial period is about to expire for OMG Keystroke Recorder software.” I was livid! That SOB had installed a keystroke logger on my laptop! I did not hesitate to go home on my lunch hour and download the same software package on our home computer. What's that saying? ‘If you don't trust, you can't be trusted.” – Monica, 36
“My honey swore up and down to the marriage counselor that he was not cheating, not doing Internet dating, not doing porn – he was. I printed all of the screen shots for the counselor and he told me to get out of the marriage because he clearly did not want to be married and had no respect for the marriage vows.”
– Jeannie, 27
And on a positive note…
“Be involved in your family’s finances from the start of your marriage. Know where all your money is, what accounts, the access codes, etc. Communicate all financial matters, insurance, savings retirement, etc. You are equal partners. You owe it to each other to carry the weight of your finances.” – Vesta, 66
“I was a stay-at-home mom of 3 wonderful kids. My marriage was less than wonderful. One day, while the kids were at school I wanted to search for info online to begin my Action Plan. I typed ‘divorce’, ‘custody’, ‘domestic violence’, ‘divorce attorney’ in the Google search engine and found the websites I needed. I cleared the web search history when I was finished. A few days later, my husband confronted me, “Why were you looking online for ‘divorce’, ‘custody’, ‘domestic violence’, ‘divorce attorney’? I froze. How did
"It turned out my husband was going through the mail before I got home from work and would take bills and personal mail addressed to me and hide them. When we separated, he would drive to the house (he was not living there and had his mail forwarded to a P.O. Box) and take my mail (again, bills and personal mail). I was so naive that I never suspected he would do that and did not realize it for several months. I was so mad at myself but my attention was diverted because of the separation and divorce. I wish I had the foresight to get a P.O. Box." – Kim, 36
3. Establish a separate credit card and bank account
It is surprising how many married women do not have a credit card or bank account separate from their spouse preferably with a different bank and credit card company than you currently share with your husband.
“I had not had a personal account since we got married. My Ex had twice before shut down both our joint checking account and credit cards when he had gotten mad at me. I wasn’t going to be financially paralyzed again. I began skimming cash out of my company mileage reimbursement each month. I opened a personal checking account and obtained a credit card in my name. I still had very little money in the account, so a few hours before I told Ex that I was leaving, I withdrew $2,000 from our joint checking account. It was my money too. There was $20,000 in that account. In hindsight, I should have gone ahead and cleaned out my half. I was not thinking far enough ahead and I suffered for it!”
– Marcy, 33
"I never had any idea how much the bills were, who we paid, how much was in the bank accounts, if we had retirement or how much. He kept saying I did not need to bother myself with it. We were married right after college and I didn't know any better. I really wish I had insisted on knowing." – Geranna, 34
“We had shared joint accounts since we had been married. He did the online banking. My paycheck and bonuses were direct deposited into the joint account. I earned over $100,000 a year and I had no idea of our financial situation. In order to get a grasp on how much money we had coming in and out of our checking account, I went twice a week to a bank branch office, but not the one where we normally banked. I was afraid they would tell my husband what I was doing. I confided in one of the female tellers of my dilemma and my plan to leave him. Twice I week I visited her and she would print an updated copy of all our accounts. I was shortly able to see where our money went, what utilities were drafted from the account, and get a true picture of our financial situation.”
– Drew, 39
"When we got married, we did not have a joint account yet so he put all of the wedding money in his personal account. We opened a joint account and made deposits to get it going and he continued to overdraw the account and he never put our wedding money in it. He said he spent all of the wedding money on his sports equipment." – Leslie, 25
Girlfriends, if you don’t have a handle on your money – joint or otherwise – get on it! The average woman knows exactly how many pounds her weight fluctuates day to day but does not know how much money she has in which accounts and the total due on her credit card. Snicker if you want, you know it is true! Have you heard the saying “…for love or money”? Well, more often than not, when you lay down the divorce gauntlet to your beloved, he is going to choose your (joint) money over his love for you. If you don’t know how much money you have (remember half of it is yours), you could fall prey to a lot of threats and hassle about how much he is going to allow you to have.
“My Ex accused me of bleeding our joint account prior to out separation. I had contacted the bank months before and had them send a printed statement each month to my mother’s home address. He banked online only. I was able to present 6 months worth of bank statements to both our attorney’s proving that I had not.” – Lauren, 41
“I married young. He was older and his family had so much money that we never had to worry. Well, he never wanted to get a job, jumped from cooking school to writing classes. Everything collapsed, he told me he was cheating on me and then I found out he took almost $10,000 from me, which I had worked very hard to earn. He ended it and I was left standing with my jaw dropped.”
– Claire, 50
“After my divorce, my credit went down the crapper! During our marriage my husband handled the finances and toward the end, bills were not getting paid on time. This showed up on my credit report even after producing evidence that we were no longer married. Many of the vendors still wanted to hold me responsible for my ex-husband’s debt even years after our divorce! Girls, NEVER be without your own checking account and credit card.“ – Vicky, 50
Desperate Measures: Install spy software on your home computer
The most honest and straightforward means of discovering the information you seek is simply to ask your husband for it. “Honey, you have been so great to manage our finances all these years but I feel like it’s high time I know what’s what in our money matters. How about you sit down with me and give me a complete summary of our passwords and usernames to our accounts. That would be so sweet of him, wouldn’t it? If you can’t imagine that scene playing out in a positive way, then let’s discuss how you will wrangle that information you have to have before you go meet with an attorney.
Answer the following questions honestly and please answer YES OR NO?
1) I don’t handle our family finances
2) My husband pays most/all of our bills online
3) My husband manages our stock portfolio online
4) My husband is secretive about our account passwords and I don’t have a damn clue what they are or how to get them
5) I suspect my husband of adultery/internet dating/ having an online emotional affair
If you answered YES to even one of those and you have the slightest inclination that you might leave your husband, download keystroke monitoring software onto the computer that he uses most A.S.A.P. We know it feels covert. That’s because it
IS! Get over it. It is better to find out now and develop a plan than to mill about for a few more years wondering! This will give you the answers you need. He will either be off the hook or you will know what kind of a man you are dealing with and then you can take the steps to move forward.
A keystroke recorder (sometimes referred to as a keystroke manager or logger) is software that can be easily downloaded from the Internet and will secretly record everything that is entered from the keyboard of that computer. Some programs also monitor all emails and instant messages, and views website activity. Cool, huh? We know it sounds shady and sketchy, but this is about protecting you, right? There is information you need. Sometimes this is the only means of getting the full picture.
Enter “free keystroke logger” into your computer web browser and voila! You will discover a myriad of free keystroke recorders. Usually there is a 30-day trial period. The software will remain hidden on your computer for 30 days and you can access the keystroke records at anytime during this period. BUT BE WARNED! At the end of the 30-day trial a message will pop up unexpectedly on your screen alerting the viewer that the trial is over and asking you to purchase a package. It would be bad news if your husband witnessed that pop-up window instead of you. So plan ahead. If you aren’t going to buy the package, go Delta Force on this mission. Get in. Get the info. Get out…and dismantle that software when you’re done! If you can’t figure out how, call those guys at customer tech support. Don't be shy. We’re pretty sure they get hundreds of these types of phone calls every day! Or pay the money (about $100) because it is a small cost and this is the place to spend it. Don't put this charge on your joint credit card account! Don't forget to print out the screen shots or information that you uncover – you may need it for a lawyer or court.
“One day I was on my company laptop at my office. I was shocked to see the pop-up window cheerfully announcing “Your 30-day trial period is about to expire for OMG Keystroke Recorder software.” I was livid! That SOB had installed a keystroke logger on my laptop! I did not hesitate to go home on my lunch hour and download the same software package on our home computer. What's that saying? ‘If you don't trust, you can't be trusted.” – Monica, 36
“My honey swore up and down to the marriage counselor that he was not cheating, not doing Internet dating, not doing porn – he was. I printed all of the screen shots for the counselor and he told me to get out of the marriage because he clearly did not want to be married and had no respect for the marriage vows.”
– Jeannie, 27
And on a positive note…
“Be involved in your family’s finances from the start of your marriage. Know where all your money is, what accounts, the access codes, etc. Communicate all financial matters, insurance, savings retirement, etc. You are equal partners. You owe it to each other to carry the weight of your finances.” – Vesta, 66
“I was a stay-at-home mom of 3 wonderful kids. My marriage was less than wonderful. One day, while the kids were at school I wanted to search for info online to begin my Action Plan. I typed ‘divorce’, ‘custody’, ‘domestic violence’, ‘divorce attorney’ in the Google search engine and found the websites I needed. I cleared the web search history when I was finished. A few days later, my husband confronted me, “Why were you looking online for ‘divorce’, ‘custody’, ‘domestic violence’, ‘divorce attorney’? I froze. How did
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