Mindless Ramblings by Justin Six (bts book recommendations .TXT) 📕

Intro

 

When I have empathy in this world, hate is all that I can feel. Love is something I can hardly grasp. I want it, but it seems like a figment of my imagination. Long ago I could feel love, now I can’t feel much of anything. Love has been replaced by hate. Hate is my love.

Another Boring Encounter

 

Jason

 

It all started with a book. The tale of romance and giving not just your heart, but yourself to another person, enthralled me. I decided then and there that I wouldn't settle for a normal, amiable girl. Early autumn, when the leaves were changing colors and clinging to trees, I rushed through a park filled with trees, on a gray concrete pathway through the color. My car had refused to start, so I was forced to run to work, I couldn't be late to my first day on the job. I'd just moved into the city, just finished college, and things were already going south.

 

In my focused bubble vision of the world and singular driving desire to get to work, I crashed into a girl strolling the concrete pathway. What should have been a short delay, had a greater effect. It was not a girl, but a beautiful woman. She was in her prime, dirty blonde hair, tight jeans and a tank top, with firm breasts and soft, inviting pale skin. As a result of running into her, I dropped my briefcase, we both knelt down to grab it. When we came up, each with a hand on its handle, we looked into each other's eyes. I fell for her blue, gray stormy eyes then. Then and there I fell for her.

 

She extended her right hand out to me, we were both standing. “My name's Makaila.”

 

“Um, Jason,” I said and shook her hand.

 

At this point, work became a memory, my car trouble, became a memory. If I had been asked to predict what would happen next, when my car refused to start, I would have predicted something which would aggravate the situation, not make me forget about the problem entirely. To say the least, I didn't want it to be the last time I saw Makaila, so I pulled from somewhere deep inside of me, I found bravery.

 

I handed her my business card with my number on it, still smiling from the moment I met her. “Here's my number, we should get coffee some time.”

 

“Maybe between the madness that is my life, but right now I have somewhere to be,” Makaila told me.

 

 

Happy with her response, I stayed strong, avoided being the shy guy who had gotten one girlfriend of three months throughout all of college.“See you around Makaila, you won't regret calling me.”

 

She smiled. “Call me Kaila.” Kaila waved goodbye and we went our separate ways.

 

In an unexpected turn of events, I got a phone call from her at the end of the week, Saturday afternoon. I'd already accepted the fact that she wasn't going to call, I figured all women of the planet had an amicable agreement to stay away from me.

 

I answered the call, “Hello?”

 

A short pause, before she replied. “Hey, it's Kaila, the girl you ran into at the park.”

 

“Oh, hey, how have you been?” I asked.

 

“I was just wondering if you wanted to meet me at Saint's Sin in an hour, it's a quaint coffee shop nearby where I live.”

 

“Yeah I know the place.” I checked my schedule in my pocket-sized notebook, already aware I had no other plans. “Sure that works for me.”

 

“See you then,” she replied.

 

I said bye and hung up, rushed to my room to find something to wear. There were many nice suits in my closet and funny, casual t-shirts, except I didn't want to wear something so fancy, nor so casual. I needed to adapt to the situation, so I adopted advice a friend of mine once lent to me. “You can never go wrong with humor.” I wore my funniest shirt.

 

Saint's Sin only had a couple of tables, I arrived early and made sure to get one for us, right by the window. Kaila arrived five minutes late.

 

“I'm sorry I'm late, I had to help my irratating boyfriend with his advanced math class, he's never been good with numbers.” She said when she arrived.

 

She's not single.... But she did say irritating, so maybe I can traverse the adverse circumstances. Hey, I rhymed.

 

“It's okay, I'm just glad to see you again.” I told her, smiling.

 

We drank Saint's Sin Special of the month, a coffee with some special spices in it, and talked about ourselves, evaluating each other. Kaila was studying art in a college nearby, though from talking to her, it seemed likely she could have studied anything she wanted.

 

After she mentioned she was a student, I said, “I'm an alumnus myself.

 

Her eyebrows raised. “Excuse me?”

 

“I went to college.”

 

Kaila laughed.

 

“So you won't be calling yourself an alumna when you get out of college?”

 

She rolled her eyes. “No, like, do you always use those kinds of words? Is that what college did to you?”

 

“No, I am afraid I've always been this way,” I said, smiling.

 

“All right,” Kaila said, returning my smile.

 

I do not feel liable for what happened next, my emotions took control. Over the next year we became good friends, my love grew stronger, and I waited patiently for Kaila to become single. I've always been a shy guy, never apt to get a girl, but Kaila gave me confidence. After meeting her, she was the only girl I cared about, resulting in my spike in confidence with other girls. The confidence had no affect on my romantic life, since I only wanted Kaila. After years of waiting for Kaila to become single, up until she finally became engaged, I became depressed. Depression remained for a while, as I was unable to amend it. I stayed good friends with Kaila and hid my feelings from her.

 

I am not anti-love, I acknowledge what a wonderful thing it is. For a lot of my life, I was in love with Kaila. I died alone, in love with her.

 

MAKAILA

 

After a year of knowing Jason, still in college, Kaila was in the antechamber of her apartment, helping her boyfriend emend his essay.

 

“Why do you say alumni here?” Kaila asked, pointing at the computer screen, she and her boyfriend were huddled around.

 

“Isn't that how you spell it?” He asked.

 

“I think you meant Illuminati... Sometimes I wish I was among my alumnae friends, I just want to be done with college, and the amount by which I have to help you...” Kaila replied, with a frown on her face.

 

“That's why I love you, you are so selfless and ready to help.” He said, smiling, and then leaned in and kissed her.

 

Makaila wasn't completely averse to her boyfriend, but she was longing for someone else.

 

Jason would be such a better boyfriend, she thought and sighed.

Startover

 

Spun around three times, blindfolded, and a single push into the unknown. I know I have no choice but to move forward. There are many walls in my way, after running into them one by one; I make my way around them. The sharp rocks on the ground try to trip me, but only succeed in making my feet bleed. My blindfold is one with my skin, my sight a memory. A wave of heat hits me, I run into lava, momentum carrying me into it, my reaction too late. I collapse and die.

           

Startover. I’m pushed back to the endless paths, my eyes now free to see. Restless movement takes over, bringing me somewhere in nowhere. Another choice, three paths, one red, one blue, and one a highly saturated pink. The blue path reminds me of water, I want a glass of water, so I choose it. Through the blinding blue tunnel I come through to a room full of floating knives, all ready to stab me. I attempt to run through to the glass of water, turning my back on the knives. I collapse and die, with many knives in my back.

           

Startover. Pushed into the darkness, I absorb it. Movement takes over and I walk towards my disguise, the light. Ugly creatures gather around me, they are attractive for eyes. We move forward, we reach a choice between 4 tunnels. I push them into the tunnels; I follow the one that doesn’t scream. They collapse and die.

           

I continue on through the labyrinth, I do not hesitate with my choices. Cool and confident I continuously take the right most paths, I end up in a room with no doors. No memory of how I got in, no knowledge of how to get out. Time withers me away, I collapse and die.

           

Startover. I turn around. I see the aggressor, the black shape trying to shove me. I run past it and keep running. It follows, it dies following. I don’t stop running, I smile.   

Stalker

 

She won’t expect it.

           

The man rushes past the long line of restless fans, through the guards checking for ID and tickets. Once inside, he increases his speed further. He gets backstage before anyone reaches the stage. Backstage, no one notices him, too busy preparing for the show, already used to people running around. 

           

Now I just need luck, she can’t have seen me, they can’t find me.

           

Hidden behind the large wardrobe of the three bands he becomes completely silent. Hired security searches to no avail. They warn the performers that someone had rushed past them and was now somewhere in the venue, then suggested that it would be safest to cancel the show.

           

The bands replied