Travels Through France And Italy by Tobias Smollett (fastest ebook reader .txt) 📕

Woman Has Been Defined A Weaker Man; But In This Country The Men

Are, In My Opinion, More Ridiculous And Insignificant Than The

Women. They Certainly Are More Disagreeable To A Rational

Enquirer, Because They Are More Troublesome. Of All The Coxcombs

On The Face Of The Earth, A French Petit Maitre Is The Most

Impertinent: And They Are All Petit Maitres From The Marquis Who

Glitters In Lace And Embroidery, To The Garcon Barbier Covered

With Meal, Who Struts With His Hair In A Long Queue, And His Hat

Under His Arm. I Have Already Observed, That Vanity Is The Great

And Universal Mover Among All Ranks And Degrees Of People In This

Nation; And As They Take No Pains To Conceal Or Controul It, They

Are Hurried By It Into The Most Ridiculous And Indeed Intolerable

Extravagance.

When I Talk Of The French Nation, I Must Again Except A Great

Number Of Individuals, From The General Censure. Though I Have A

Hearty Contempt For The Ignorance, Folly, And Presumption Which

Characterise The Generality, I Cannot But Respect The Talents Of

Many Great Men, Who Have Eminently Distinguished Themselves In

Every Art And Science: These I Shall Always Revere And Esteem As

Creatures Of A Superior Species, Produced, For The Wise Purposes

Of Providence, Among The Refuse Of Mankind. It Would Be Absurd To

Conclude That The Welch Or Highlanders Are A Gigantic People,

Because Those Mountains May Have Produced A Few Individuals Near

Seven Feet High. It Would Be Equally Absurd To Suppose The French

Are A Nation Of Philosophers, Because France Has Given Birth To A

Des Cartes, A Maupertuis, A Reaumur, And A Buffon.

I Shall Not Even Deny, That The French Are By No Means Deficient

In Natural Capacity; But They Are At The Same Time Remarkable For

A Natural Levity, Which Hinders Their Youth From Cultivating That

Capacity. This Is Reinforced By The Most Preposterous Education,

And The Example Of A Giddy People, Engaged In The Most Frivolous

Pursuits. A Frenchman Is By Some Jesuit, Or Other Monk, Taught To

Read His Mother Tongue, And To Say His Prayers In A Language He

Does Not Understand. He Learns To Dance And To Fence, By The

Masters Of Those Noble Sciences. He Becomes A Compleat

Connoisseur In Dressing Hair, And In Adorning His Own Person,

Under The Hands And Instructions Of His Barber And Valet De

Chambre. If He Learns To Play Upon The Flute Or The Fiddle, He Is

Altogether Irresistible. But He Piques Himself Upon Being

Polished Above The Natives Of Any Other Country By His

Conversation With The Fair Sex. In The Course Of This

Communication, With Which He Is Indulged From His Tender Years,

He Learns Like A Parrot, By Rote, The Whole Circle Of French

Compliments, Which You Know Are A Set Of Phrases Ridiculous Even

To A Proverb; And These He Throws Out Indiscriminately To All

Women, Without Distinction In The Exercise Of That Kind Of

Address, Which Is Here Distinguished By The Name Of Gallantry: It

Is No More Than His Making Love To Every Woman Who Will Give Him

The Hearing. It Is An Exercise, By The Repetition Of Which He

Becomes Very Pert, Very Familiar, And Very Impertinent. Modesty,

Or Diffidence, I Have Already Said, Is Utterly Unknown Among

Them, And Therefore I Wonder There Should Be A Term To Express

It In Their Language.

If I Was Obliged To Define Politeness, I Should Call It, The Art

Of Making One's Self Agreeable. I Think It An Art That

Necessarily Implies A Sense Of Decorum, And A Delicacy Of

Sentiment. These Are Qualities, Of Which (As Far As I Have Been

Able To Observe) A Frenchman Has No Idea; Therefore He Never Can

Be Deemed Polite, Except By Those Persons Among Whom They Are As

Little Understood. His First Aim Is To Adorn His Own Person With

What He Calls Fine Cloaths, That Is The Frippery Of The Fashion.

It Is No Wonder That The Heart Of A Female, Unimproved By Reason,

And Untinctured With Natural Good Sense, Should Flutter At The

Sight Of Such A Gaudy Thing, Among The Number Of Her Admirers:

This Impression Is Enforced By Fustian Compliments, Which Her Own

Vanity Interprets In A Literal Sense, And Still More Confirmed By

The Assiduous Attention Of The Gallant, Who, Indeed, Has Nothing

Else To Mind. A Frenchman In Consequence Of His Mingling With The

Females From His Infancy, Not Only Becomes Acquainted With All

Their Customs And Humours; But Grows Wonderfully Alert In

Performing A Thousand Little Offices, Which Are Overlooked By

Other Men, Whose Time Hath Been Spent In Making More Valuable

Acquisitions. He Enters, Without Ceremony, A Lady's Bed-Chamber,

While She Is In Bed, Reaches Her Whatever She Wants, Airs Her

Shift, And Helps To Put It On. He Attends At Her Toilette,

Regulates The Distribution Of Her Patches, And Advises Where To

Lay On The Paint. If He Visits Her When She Is Dressed, And

Perceives The Least Impropriety In Her Coeffure, He Insists Upon

Adjusting It With His Own Hands: If He Sees A Curl, Or Even A

Single Hair Amiss, He Produces His Comb, His Scissars, And

Pomatum, And Sets It To Rights With The Dexterity Of A Professed

Friseur. He 'Squires Her To Every Place She Visits, Either On

Business, Or Pleasure; And, By Dedicating His Whole Time To Her,

Renders Himself Necessary To Her Occasions. This I Take To Be The

Most Agreeable Side Of His Character: Let Us View Him On The

Quarter Of Impertinence. A Frenchman Pries Into All Your Secrets

With The Most Impudent And Importunate Curiosity, And Then

Discloses Them Without Remorse. If You Are Indisposed, He

Questions You About The Symptoms Of Your Disorder, With More

Freedom Than Your Physician Would Presume To Use; Very Often In

The Grossest Terms. He Then Proposes His Remedy (For They Are All

Quacks), He Prepares It Without Your Knowledge, And Worries You

With Solicitation To Take It, Without Paying The Least Regard To

The Opinion Of Those Whom You Have Chosen To Take Care Of Your

Health. Let You Be Ever So Ill, Or Averse To Company, He Forces

Himself At All Times Into Your Bed-Chamber, And If It Is 

Necessary To Give Him A Peremptory Refusal, He Is Affronted. I

Have Known One Of Those Petit Maitres Insist Upon Paying Regular

Visits Twice A Day To A Poor Gentleman Who Was Delirious; And He

Conversed With Him On Different Subjects, Till He Was In His

Last Agonies. This Attendance Is Not The Effect Of Attachment, Or

Regard, But Of Sheer Vanity, That He May Afterwards Boast Of His

Charity And Humane Disposition: Though, Of All The People I Have

Ever Known, I Think The French Are The Least Capable Of Feeling

For The Distresses Of Their Fellow Creatures. Their Hearts Are

Not Susceptible Of Deep Impressions; And, Such Is Their Levity,

That The Imagination Has Not Time To Brood Long Over Any

Disagreeable Idea, Or Sensation. As A Frenchman Piques Himself On

His Gallantry, He No Sooner Makes A Conquest Of A Female's Heart,

Than He Exposes Her Character, For The Gratification Of His

Vanity. Nay, If He Should Miscarry In His Schemes, He Will Forge

Letters And Stories, To The Ruin Of The Lady's Reputation. This

Is A Species Of Perfidy Which One Would Think Should Render Them

Odious And Detestable To The Whole Sex; But The Case Is

Otherwise. I Beg Your Pardon, Madam; But Women Are Never Better

Pleased, Than When They See One Another Exposed; And Every

Individual Has Such Confidence In Her Own Superior Charms And

Discretion, That She Thinks She Can Fix The Most Volatile, And

Reform The Most Treacherous Lover.

If A Frenchman Is Admitted Into Your Family, And Distinguished By

Repeated Marks Of Your Friendship And Regard, The First Return He

Makes For Your Civilities Is To Make Love To Your Wife, If She Is

Handsome; If Not, To Your Sister, Or Daughter, Or Niece. If He

Suffers A Repulse From Your Wife, Or Attempts In Vain To Debauch

Your Sister, Or Your Daughter, Or Your Niece, He Will, Rather

Than Not Play The Traitor With His Gallantry, Make His Addresses

To Your Grandmother; And Ten To One, But In One Shape Or Another,

He Will Find Means To Ruin The Peace Of A Family, In Which He Has

Been So Kindly Entertained. What He Cannot Accomplish By Dint Of

Compliment, And Personal Attendance, He Will Endeavour To Effect,

By Reinforcing These With Billets-Doux, Songs, And Verses, Of

Which He Always Makes A Provision For Such Purposes. If He Is

Detected In These Efforts Of Treachery, And Reproached With His

Ingratitude, He Impudently Declares, That What He Had Done Was No

More Than Simple Gallantry, Considered In France As An

Indispensible Duty On Every Man Who Pretended To Good Breeding.

Nay, He Will Even Affirm, That His Endeavours To Corrupt Your

Wife, Or Your Daughter, Were The Most Genuine Proofs He Could

Give Of His Particular Regard For Your Family.

If A Frenchman Is Capable Of Real Friendship, It Must Certainly

Be The Most Disagreeable Present He Can Possibly Make To A Man Of

A True English Character, You Know, Madam, We Are Naturally

Taciturn, Soon Tired Of Impertinence, And Much Subject To Fits Of

Disgust. Your French Friend Intrudes Upon You At All Hours: He 

Stuns You With His Loquacity: He Teases You With Impertinent

Questions About Your Domestic And Private Affairs: He Attempts To

Meddle