Don't be a Dick by Gabby Follin (young adult books to read TXT) 📕

I just decided it wasn’t the time to hold grudges.

I wrote “It’s fine” on the paper and threw it back over to him. When he read it a small weak smile formed upon his face. I’m sure that’d help him sleep a little better tonight.

After that last note, there were no more notes during the class. And I still hadn’t turned over and looked at him. I just sat through and tried to pay attention to all these boring things the teacher was talking about.

When I heard the bell ring it kind of startled me, but then I realized it was time to go and I jumped up off my ass.

I quickly grabbed my bag and pencil and darted out the door without looking back. I didn’t really want to talk to Mark, I still wasn’t fully forgiving him yet. I’m still quite mad, it was a cowardly thing to do, especially since he says I’m his best friend.

But I won’t have to see him till lunch, which for now I can deal with.

Just wish something went my way for once. To not make me feel like this every single day when I wake up. I just wish something came for me to make life a little bit more bearable. Like… start a zombie apocalypse and make me have to survive it, or let me meet the girl of my dreams, or or… something. But deep down inside I know that it’s not the world who gets to decide if my life is bearable or not, it’s me. I have to decide and right now I’m not doing anything, but that’s always something too.

Alex darted out of class and didn’t look back. It’s like he wanted to get out really badly and was just waiting for his moment. I took my time packing up my stuff and walking out, considering the fact my next class was three classrooms down from the one I was in. I have to wait until lunchtime to see Alex again and try to apologize, again. Verbally this time, not over paper. It’s easy for me to know if he’s lying to me or not when he says it’s okay if I’m actually talking to him. But for now, I just gotta get through all these boring lectures of the day about classroom expectations and all this other shit.

…

The bell has rung and it’s now time to go to lunch. I quickly pack my stuff back into my backpack and make my way through the door in a bunch with other students. Once I got out of the classroom, I started to sprint to lunch in order to get there before Alex so he can’t try and avoid me.

I guess I was too focused on getting to the lunchroom and not my surroundings because I slammed against another person. We both fell to the ground and I realized the other person was holding a bunch of stuff and now it was scattered all over the floor.

“I’m so sorry!”I said, bending over and picking up their stuff.

“It’s okay.”The person said, but.. Something about their voice sounded familiar.

I looked up to put a voice to face and realized I knocked into Emily!

“Oh god, Emily, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get to….”She cut me off by putting her left hand on my cheek.

I froze in place and stiffened.

“It’s okay.”She said again, with a smile on her face.

I helped her pick her stuff up and got to my feet. I took her hand and helped her up. We stood there together smiling at each other, until our session was interrupted when I was shoved against a locker.

I just heard a bunch of hysterical laughter from behind. When I turned over and figured out who pushed me, the guy already has his arm around Emily.

Brock.

“Emily’s my girl you know.”Brock said, leaning in to kiss Emily’s cheek but she so gladly declined it.

“Get off me you creep.”She said, pushing him off her.

“Emily, come on, you know you want this.”Brock said confidently.

Emily shook her head and gave a sarcastic snicker,”Only in your dreams.”

“But I’m dreaming riiiiiight now.”Brock said back.

Emily smiled at me quickly, then turned to walk away. I watched her as she walked slowly down the hallway with all those books and papers in her hands. She must be a busy girl.

My train of thought was interrupted with Brock yelling in my face, “Never going to get her dude.”

As all of the boys started to walk beside me, they all put their hand on my shoulder in pity like they really thought I wasn’t going to get Emily to date me, ever. Little did they know.

I decided that what just occurred didn’t matter to me anymore and that I wanted to get to lunch. I really hate the fact that Alex is upset with me, I want to make it right. Isn’t that what best friends do? I told myself that it is the right thing to do instead of just leaving it alone, I really do believe that I should try and apologize again to let Alex know I am reallllly sorry.

Once I realized where I was, the one minute bell went off, signaling to me that I had a minute left before the tardy bell rang. I was only halfway to the lunchroom… I decided that I should start to sprint down the hallway in order to make, but I was stopped by my mother walking down the hallway the opposite direction I was going.

“Honey, slow down!”she said to me, just as I was about to pass her.

“Sorry mom.”I said to her,”I’m gonna be late, I have to go.”

She gave me a weak smile and then quickly asked,”Is Alex okay?”

I looked at her confused, “It’s Alex, I’m sure he is.”

She looked down at the floor then slowly back up at me,”Keep an eye on him.”

I gave her a nod, and she turned around and continued walking to wherever she was going. I figured it was okay to go now and turned and walked in my own direction.

I quickly made my way through the hallway and got into the lunchroom on time. The tardy ball went off right as my foot stepped over the line of the door. At least I wasn’t late! I looked around all over the lunch room to find Alex. Didn’t even find a speck. I checked our table, wasn’t there, I check the nerds table, didn’t find him. I checked all corners where no one sits, didn’t find him.

I checked everywhere. I even asked some cheerleaders if they’ve seen him, a few just laughed at me while others said they didn’t see him come in.

I asked Emily.

“I didn’t see him come in. I’m sorry.”She said to me.

I looked at her, kind of bummed out.

I analyzed her face, she was drained, she looked exhausted. She still had that little sparkle in her eyes.

“It’s alright, I’m just worried about him.”I said to her, taking my eyes away from her face and dragging them to the floor.

“He’s been kind of… Off lately.”She said.

I looked at her in surprise, she noticed too?

“What do you mean?” I asked her, seeing what her input would be.

“He’s just been acting kind of weird,” She paused, “Well.. He’s always weird, but just more uncomfortable with things.”

I understood what she meant, and yeah, that is the truth.

“Thank you..”I whispered, keeping my eye glued to the floor.

I felt something touch my arm, I looked up to find her hand in contact.

“If you ever need to talk Mark.. I’m here you know,” She said.

All I really could think about at this second was the fact she’s touching me. He hand is very warm. It made me realize how cold my own body was.

“Yeah.. yeah…”I said, still staring at her hand.

I was saddened then when I realized that Alex is somewhere else, probably still sad. He’s avoiding me because he knows me too well, and I guess this is my sign to just drop it.

I am not very good at that considering I am a person who thinks everything should be perfect in my life. At least I’m admitting it. I won’t lie about it because sometimes it’s something I’m proud of. My parents are still together, my house is always clean, I get straight A’s (mostly)... Right now all I really want is Emily to love me and for Alex to trust me.

Right now, both things seem impossible. But it looks like I might be making progress with Emily. Which is great, but… Alex.

It seems to just be getting worse with him. But I mean, I keep fucking up so I don’t blame him. It’s super hard talking to him because he usually doesn’t listen. He listens to parts, and takes this or that out and uses that to pick a fight or to make something positive.

It’s frustrating at times, but it’s Alex. The dude is still my best friend. And now at this point I am starting to miss him. God, I sure hope he’s okay.

Mark is probably searching for me, that I can promise. I usually hide out in the library when things are heated, Mark doesn’t know that.

All he’s concerned with right now seems to be his love life. Which is okay, but he’s supposed to be my friend, wouldn’t you think he’s concerned about me too?

I push the thought aside and focus on my being right now. I’m hiding between bookshelves, leaning against the corner of one while reading a book. Crank by Ellen Hopkins.

Books like this make me feel a little better about myself, even though this situation in particular is not real, it is somewhere in the world and it just makes me feel a bit better.

At least I didn’t get myself into this mess, I didn’t ask to be born.

I could just kill myself, but hell, that would be silly.

I disregard any kind of suicidal thought that came to mind and continue focusing on my book.

“Alex,”The librarian says to me, I jump slightly not expecting her,”We have to close up the library soon, we can keep it open a little more if you’d like, but we have to go to a meeting.”

She smiles and walks away.

She’s always been nice to me, but only in general, never tried to ask me any kind of questions.

Not that I would answer her anyway.

Oh well, no one’s had