The Arabian Nights Entertainments by Anonymous (best books to read .txt) 📕

After these ceremonies, we were conducted to the wedding- room, and, as soon as the company retired, I approached to embrace my mistress, but, instead of answering me with transports, she shoved me off, and cried out most fearfully; upon which all the ladies of the apartment came running into the chamber to know what she cried for; and, for my own part, I was so thunderstruck, that I stood, without the power of so much as asking what she meant by it. Dear sister, said they to her, what is the matter? Let us know it, that we may try to relieve you. Take, said she, out of my sight that vile fellow. Why, madam, said I, wherein have I deserved your displeasure? You are a villain, said she, furiously: what, to eat garlic, and not wash your hands! Do you think that I would suffer such a filthy fellow to touch me? Down with him, down with him upon the ground, continued she, addressing herself to the ladies; and pray let me have a good bull's pizzle. In short, I was thrown down upon the ground, and while some held my hands, and others my feet, my wife, who was presently furnished with a weapon, laid on me most unmercifully, till I could scarcely breathe: then she said to the ladies, Take him, send him to the justiciary judge, and let the hand be cut off with which he fed upon the garlic ragoo. God bless my soul, cried I, must I be beat, bruised, unmercifully mauled, and, to complete my affliction, have my hand cut off, for eating of a ragoo with garlic, and forgetting to wash my hands? What proportion is there between the punishment and the crime? Plague on the ragoo, plague on the cook that dressed it, and may he be equally unhappy that served it up!

All the ladies that were by took pity on me, when they heard the cutting off of my hand spoken of. Dear madam, dear sister, said they to the favourite lady, you carry your resentment too far. We own he is a man quite ignorant of the world, that he does not observe your quality, and the regards that are due to you; but we beseech you to overlook and pardon the fault he has committed. I have not received suitable satisfaction, said she; I will teach him to know the world, make him bear the sensible marks of his impertinence, and be cautious hereafter how he tastes a garlic ragoo without washing his hands. However, they still continued their solicitations, and fell down at her feet, and kissing her fair hand, Good madam, said they, in the name of God, moderate your wrath, and grant the favour we request. She answered never a word, but got up, and, after throwing out a thousand hard words against me, walked out of the chamber, with the ladies, leaving me in inconceivable affliction.

I continued here ten days, without seeing any body but an old woman-slave who brought me victuals. I asked the old woman what was become of the favourite lady? She is sick, said the old woman, of the poisoned smell you infected her with. Why did you not take care to wash your hands after eating of that cursed ragoo? Is it possible, thought I to myself, that these ladies can be so nice and vindictive for so small a fault? In the mean time I loved my wife, notwithstanding all her cruelty. One day the old woman told me that my spouse was recovered and gone to bathe, and would come to see me the next day; so, said she, I would have you to call up your patience, and endeavour to accommodate yourself to her humour. Besides, she is a woman of good sense and discretion, and entirely beloved by all the ladies about Zobeide's court. Accordingly my wife came next night, and accosted me thus: You see I am too good in seeing you again, after the affront you have offered me; but still I cannot stoop to be reconciled to you, till I have punished you according to your demerit, in not washing your hands after eating the garlic ragoo. This said, she called the ladies, who, by her order, threw me upon the ground, and, after binding me fast, had the barbarity to cut off my thumbs and great toes with a razor. One of the ladies applied a certain root to staunch the blood; but by the bleeding and pain I swooned away. When I came to myself, they gave me wine to drink to recruit my strength. Ah! madam, said I to my wife, if ever I eat of garlic ragoo again, I solemnly swear to wash my hands an hundred and twenty times with the herb alcali, with the ashes of the same plant, and with soap. Well, replied my wife, upon that condition I am willing to forget what is past, and live with you as my husband. This, continued the Bagdad merchant, addressing himself to the company, is the reason why I refused to eat of the garlic ragoo now upon the table.

To make an end of the Bagdad merchant's story, the ladies, said he, applied to my wounds, not only the root I mentioned to you but likewise some balsam of Mecca, which they were morally assured was not adulterated, because they had it from the caliph's own dispensatory; by virtue of that admirable balsam I was perfectly cured in a few days, and my wife and I lived together as agreeably as if I had never eaten of the garlic ragoo. But having been all my lifetime used to the liberty of ranging abroad, I was very uneasy at being confined to the caliph's palace, and yet said nothing of it to my wife, from a fear of displeasing her. She smelt it, however; and wanted nothing more herself than to get out, for it was gratitude alone that made her continue with Zobeide. In fine, being a very witty woman, she represented, in lively terms, to her mistress, the constraint I was under in not living in the city with my fellow-companions, as I had always done: this she did so effectually, that the good princess chose rather to deprive herself of the pleasure of having her favourite about her, than not to grant what she desired. Accordingly, about a month after our marriage, my wife came into my room with several eunuchs, each carrying a bag of silver. When the eunuchs were gone, You never told me, said she, that you were uneasy in being confined to court, but I perceived it very well, and have happily found means to make you contented. My mistress Zobeide gives us leave to go out of the palace, and here are fifty thousand sequins, of which she has made us a present, in order to enable us to live comfortable in the city. Take ten thousand of them, and go and buy us a house, I soon purchased a house; and, after furnishing it richly, we went and lived in it, and kept a great many slaves of both sexes, with a very pretty equipage. In short, we began to live in a very agreeable manner, which did not last long, for at a year's end my wife fell sick and died. I might have married again, and lived honourably at Bagdad; but ambition to see the world put me upon other thoughts. I sold my house, and, after buying up several sorts of goods, went with a caravan to Persia; from Persia I travelled to Samarcande, and from thence hither.

This, said the purveyor to the sultan of Casgar, is the story that the Bagdad merchant told in a company where I was yesterday. This story, said the sultan, has something extraordinary in it, but it does not come near that of my little Hunchback. Then the jewish physician prostrated himself before the sultan's throne, and rising again, addressed himself to that prince in the following manner: Sir, if you will be so good as to hear me, I flatter myself you will be pleased with a story I have to tell you. Well spoken, said the sultan; but if it is not more surprising than that of little Hunch-back, do not you expect to live. The physician, finding the sultan of Casgar disposed to hear him, gave the following relation:

Sir, when I was a student of physic, and just beginning the practice of that noble profession with some reputation, a man-slave called me to see a patient in the city governor's family. I went accordingly, and was carried into a room, where I found a very handsome young man mightily cast down with his condition: I saluted him, and sat down by him, but he made no return to my compliments, except by a sign with his eyes that he heard me and thanked me. Pray, sir, said I, give me your hand, that I may feel your pulse. But, instead of stretching out his right, he gave me his left hand, at which I was extremely surprised. This, said I to myself, is a gross piece of ignorance, not to know that people present their right hand, and not their left, to a physician. However, I felt his pulse, wrote him a receipt, and took leave.

I continued my visits for nine days, and every time I felt his pulse he still gave me the left hand: on the tenth day he seemed to be pretty well, and so I prescribed nothing for him but bathing. The governor of Damascus, who was by, did, in testimony of his being well satisfied with my service, invest me with a very rich robe, saying, he made me a physician of the city hospital, and physician in ordinary to his house, where I might freely eat at his table when I pleased. The young man likewise showed me many civilities, and asked me to accompany him to the bath: accordingly we went together; and when his attendants had undressed him, I perceived he wanted the right hand, and that it had not been long cut off, which had been the occasion of his distemper, though concealed from me; for while the people about him were applying proper medicines externally, they had called me to prevent the ill consequences of the fever he was then in. I was very much surprised and concerned on seeing his misfortune, which he observed by my countenance. Doctor, cried he, do not be astonished to see that my hand is cut off; some day or other I will tell you the occasion of it; and in that relation you will be entertained with very surprising adventures.

After bathing, we sat down and ate; and after we had some other discourse together, he asked me if it would be any prejudice to his health, if he went to take a walk out of town in the governor's garden? I made answer, it would be so far from that, that it would benefit his health. Since it is so, said he, if you would let me have your company, I will tell you the history of my adventures, I replied, I was at his command for all that day. Upon which he presently called his servants, to bring something for a collation; and so we went to the governor's garden. There we took two or three turns, and then sat down upon a carpet that his servants had spread under a tree, which gave a very pleasant shade. After we were set, the young man gave his history in the following terms: I was born, said he, at Moussol, and come of one of the most considerable families in the city. My father was the eldest of ten brothers that were all alive, and all married, when my grandfather died. All the brothers were childless but my father, and he had never a child but me. He