Alive (Notes #5) by DeYtH Banger (suggested reading txt) 📕

My problem is more likely coming from adaptable ENVIROMENT. I adapt stuff... I can't just see them a picture... and act like a copy cat... I want to see them and feel them.


Life is seeing... feeling and words to mouth.


...

Shhhhh


..


Shhh

...


And this here is the silent jerk-off...
Throwing one and another and then fuckin around... Masturbating... I don't do it because of sleep back feeling... but because anxiety and depression... Getting constantly abandoned... It doesn't motivate you to go to somewhere...

Jerk-Off... is a stuck of behavior... YOU JUST NEVER GOING TO GET OUT FROM THIS LOOP HOLE.

Chapter 3 - Say

by DeYtH Banger



Bullshits... bullshits... bullshits... are runing around... depression and anxiety books are costanly ruining moods of comedians and other people. Probably down here I am going to be fucking wrong... fucking wrong that's what I want to underline.

Lay of undercare
Nobody really care
Careless
And
Carefree


Why people just have self-sabotage mechanism... a mechanism which ruins... self-destructive... really ask yourself this... why nature why  God even created this feature with human... he could have done pleny other good shit... why God gave us Devil's hand and tail and the Angel is somewhere where no money are needed and soul is ever needed. Again wrong and again wrong... say it and proof it... say it and proof it...  I don't have pleny stuff to lose... just I don't have... nothing really is funny... everything is just words... sentences....texts..... nothing is really funnny... beating the shit out of you...  jealousy is a emotion which makes another person to feel guilty.... and one other... to make him... anger and even violent. 

W
h
a
t
t
y
p
e
o
f
f
u
c
k
e
d
u
p

story is this... to introduce yourself in this video... in this movie....

OKAY.... OKAY... I DON'T CARE...
I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR NAME AND WHAT YOU DO
PROVIDE WITH THE TRUTH NOT WITH THE GARBAGE



Ribbing.. .rabbit... and blowhole... I am not sure where I am ... I just insulted few people... I used the pick up material to do that... so put it in the high-intellectual category... we are not talking about the Dean Koontz world or even Stephen Kings world.... their books are genius filled with compelx words... when you read them you feel the superiority. There is pleny of bullshit out there... to get  it clear it out... and to categorize the whole shit you need a bullshit detector... you need
to know that the dating advice is bullshit, the recycling thing is bullshit, breast implants... dick enlargment, bible... all marketing bullshit.... fucking markething bullshit. Rapping and rape and killers... and skills....

All this things we can't see in the real life... boring people face with day to day challenges..
proffesors saying bullshit, entrepreneurs selling bullshit... 


HARD WORK
HARD BEAT UP
GETTING UP
DOING IT



HERE IS THE FUCKING TRUTH
FUCKING MOTIVATOR
I FEEL GUILTY
I AM NEAR SUICIDAL
AND THIS MOTIVATION YOU CAN PUT IT IN YOUR ASSHOLE
FILLED
IT
FILL THIS SUCKER
IF YOU DON'T PUT THAT
YOU GONNA GET
A DICK
A FUCKING
DICK

YOU NEED TO BE FUCKING BRAVE TO DO THAT
THINK ABOUT IT... THE GUY WHO IS A HOMO IS 1000% W
IN OTHER WORDS INTO MEN AND FUCKS ASSHOLE
IS A VERY VERY
BRAVE HUMAN KIND
JUST THINK ABOUT IT
GIVE A THOUGHT

DON'T THINK ABOUT THE PHONE
DON'T THINK ABOUT FACEBOOK
DON'T THINK ABOUT THE PAST
DON'T THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE



Did you know that there is law of attraction... (I CALL THIS A BULLSHIT....ATTRACTION OF BULLSHIT... LAW OF BULLSHIT)... this law says that what you say that you attract what you do this what you attract.... and "don't" doesn't exist in the universe...

OH GOD...
THIS BULLSHIT MAKES ME NERVES


"Don't"... exist... I have read thousand of books...  I am reading pleny of books and now and reading articles and watching films and movies and being in school and it exists...

"Don't"
"No"
"Not"


and all other bullshit....
"don't" exist... people say it to day to day life... they express it 


RECYCLING
LOSING 10000000 TIME
WASTING TIME
IGNORING ALL THE PRODUCTIVITY


Oh humans...
oh fucking humans

always wanting to help
and to give
and be nice
and be right
and be perfect

...

And the whole thing is bullshit
no need for this holly dumb shit

stop being so egoistic
and real

and authentic...


OH GOD GET A GRAMMAR
BOOK
FUCK RSD JULLIEN
LET RSD MAX SUCK SOMEBODY'S COCK
LET JEFFY ALLEN TO GET SLAUGHTERED IN A HOUSE
LET  OWEN COOK.... TYLER DURDEN WHO DA FUCK HE IS... LET HIM
GAG... ON A COCK
LET HIM DIE
LET HIM DIE
LET HIM IN
IT'S TIME TO FUCK HIM



oKAY... judge me I am damn wrong... I am fucking wrong... tell it... proof it... think about it....
just give a thought

Yoga is a bullshit
Stretching
Stetching

labels
labels
that's what we believe
labels is what believe give a nice
dumb ass story
a fucking nice
a good one
a obstacle
a challange
day to day problems a character faced with reality then give him super ability and now we have Jason Capital a bullshit a scammer... just say it... I am bullshittter


I GOT A PROBLEMS WITH GETTING OUT
I HAVE PROBLEMS WITH MANNER
AND THOUGHTS
AND BODY LANGUAGE
JUST FUCKING SAY IT
I AM BULLSHITTER
STOP READING
STOP WASTING TIME

OKAY... OKAY
I GONNA STOP
I GONNA STOP
BUT SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE


Knowledge... knowledge i love it... I love i t

I like to sleep i like to get in paranoia state losing and wasting time and getting to do stuff... I lvoe it
I like the day to day stress... it's lovely process... no need for motivation... I just don't need it
I got anxiety
 I  got bipolar
I got depression

Lovely
lovely
adventure of life no commentarry!

Chapter 4 - Sabotage

 

The brain is always trying to sabotage you... If you need to talk to people...

- Do they hate me?
- Will they like it?
- Am I doing any favorite?
- I am small
- I am big
- I don't Have enough time
- Not today
- Not now

....

If you are talking to someone.. . Or you want to talk to a sweet attractive girl... that's the bullshit which spins around your brain... it's sick...

IT'S FUCKING SICK

It's how people say.. .. brain is a good servant and terrible master.

The brain bullshits you all day... it happens to me... and it happens to thousand other men...

It just happens

Complaing... and bullshit stories... is the thing which fucks us...

Excuses... Excuses.
. Excuses

 

 

 

Chapter 5 - Runner

 

And the story continues...

...

I am a runner and walker... I like to go out... at night. And to run and to walk as much I desire... I like playing bets with my friends, I like bets because it's DAMN difficult to see me = lose there. No such case has ever been recorded.

...

Or has it been?

 

 

(The whole running thing started because of challenge... I don't decline challenges... if somebody challenge me... I am going to do... it... of course there should be some kinda guranteen of what you offering is safe... I mean there isn't pleny of risk...)

 

 

The story was less run and more walking I started from home... at first it sounded a crazy idea to start a km counter app on my phone and start walking... walking and walking... I liiked the idea because I love walking... did it before for going up to school... to home... from home to school.... to park... . to see a friend... I just did because the sake of doing it.

 

 

The walking at first it was easy... 5 km... 10... 15... I started doing this in the days of Satuday or Sunday or the holidays... in which I wasn't at school...

 

 

Then 20... 25.... 30.... when I started the raw numbers... I started feeling my legs... I started feeling my feet it was hurting... but I  did... i fucking didi it... I did it

 

I did 34.... kms...

 

My friend gone... and gave up... probably it was around that year... that day probably it was the day for him to get motivated to get a car. One day before long time... he call me.. and said "My Feet hurts... but  Iam doing it... I am like 22 km..."

 

and somewhere in the night he told me that he wrongly pressed a wrong button or something like that... and he started this km thing on the next day.

 

 

It was a new beginning a new start...

Chapter 6 - Ignore

Don't fucking ignore the people which "Ask"... or look you right in the face.

All this is symbol of somebody being mood to talk with dear, "you".

 

 

If you ignore your chances nothing more than... losing your best chance.

 

...

In the end the story is going to go into directions like... The Girl trying to make you notice her and you like "What?".

Chapter 7 - Suspense

 Isn't it fun, to make somebody to wait and wait and wait and wait and wait?

....

 

Until he or she gets an answer?

...

 

The feeling first is like

"Ohh,