My Demons by Reckless . (parable of the sower read online .txt) 📕

the bag over my head or some shit we could start over but for now i have to work on myself for myself and learn how to love myself for me. Even though the sounds of my demons keep me up at night wondering what i could’ve,should’ve did but didn't. I wrote this all today. On this wack ass thursday. I don't know if i am fine or am i even good but it's a worth a start eh? I'm not leaving anyone behind ok please stop saying that i am cause i'm not. I'm just being inactive.

Late Night thoughts

 I just don't know anymore.. I feel like I'm living in a dream and not a good one, I'm trying to stay positive and be myself but I I just don't know how to anymore I mean Ik how to I just don't put myself to it and I feel like i don't make anyone happy and just.. ugh my mind is slowly becoming a mess again and I can't handle it..

 

I just love how there are some people out there who have tendencies to call others names and what not, when they don't know half the shit those people have been through. They only know what they've heard and what they've seen. Have they heard those people crying, screaming, or even yelling for help? Have they seen what happens in their homes? Behind closed doors everything is different, so really what do they even know? They only know what those people put out there to show the world, not what happens behind closed doors. To be real, people just need to learn how to shut up and mind their own business.

Friendships

 

 i've honestly growned sick and tired of meaningless shit. you know it seems like everytime i do something wrong its a problem. like anything and everything. if you dont like me then stop hanging around i guess thats all i can really say im not gonna make your ass feel like you have to stay cause you dont. you can round up your new friends and do just that. im just tired of it all. like one day you mad at me next day people love me. im just gonna be straight up you love to become to hate me. im an asshole lmao and im fine with that i do stuff because i dont know why.like the ass does stuff and dosent know why okay? XD its not jealousy or some other far off distant thing its just something that bothers tf outta me.your friends are supposed to be their for you and support you and all this other crap that exactly dont do. 

Like a rose

 i dont why i particulary put that as a title of a chapter. but i feel like a wall flower you know? there are many defintions of a wall flower and what it pertains too.i feel like a flower or a petal shall i say. where its just tossed to the groud from the very object that makes it come alive. in the small moment you're falling in that mode just falling its like dieing because once you hit the ground and unattached from your life support you are doomed. just rips me of "he loves me, he loves me not" another petal on the ground. "she loves me, she loves me not". so like a petal off that rose its just lifeless. the beautiful bright red showing all the the damage that has been done. but what happens when that petal continues to fight through the storms the wind the changing of the seasons. the way you flip the switch on and off on them like its literally heart breaking. Then when somone comes to cherish the dead petal taking it in giving it water and pouring feelings into getting them stable and have them smile again. your life support comes back knocking and crying and you dont know what to do. you feel so much with your mind and body thinking in your head what could have you done wrong? for them to leave you in the first place? 

everyone i do right does me wrong in some fucked up shape or form. I always feel like im that petal and i hate choosing bewteen so i'll just hurt both of the life support and break down. life support is named that for a reason they will gravatie to someone like you or maybe complety different and you'll maybe somewhere over in your neighbors yard or where ever the wind takes you till you shrieval up and die. there always things in the back of me head that says i dont deserve it anyways so i wont try and lie to myself and say i do deserve it when i know i dont.

Imprint

Publication Date: 12-02-2016

All Rights Reserved