I Spy With My Little Heart by Kiki XoXo (pdf e book reader TXT) 📕

Fuck This. 

I head for the door. 

"Bunny where you storming off to?" Crash appears. "Trouble in paradise?" he chuckles.

"Crash-" I begin,

"Nah I wouldn't worry about it you two always fix things anyways. He is just a little mad that you left him, and I think he has it in his head that you've been shaken up with guys while you were away." I stop looking up at him, I'm guessing that is his doing. He must've told him about Brendon that random guy. "Not my fault! He talked with Walter." 

"Crash. Not now." I walk away. Walter. I forgot he was here. I change into clean clothes and head to the interogation rooms. Sneaking into the wing of the facility I look for his room. The door isn't locked. Deep breath. Okay I can do this. 

"Well hey Toots. Where ya been? Thought I would of seen ya sooner." He sits up seemingly happy to see me. "I knew you lied to me about your skills... but I had no idea about this place. Pretty snazzy." 

"Cut the shit Walter." I sit down across from him. "I'm here for answers."

"I'm surprised you didn't ask sooner." He smirks and leans over the tabls laying his cuffed hands on it. "Well... it started that day on the roof..." 

****

It's been a long day. To long for my liking. I got all my answers from Walter, and now Mr. Wahls and Luke and whoever else can go back and watch it and get all their answers too. 

Luke. He is beyond mad at me. I'm guessing to the point where he doesn't want to see or talk to me anymore mad at me. Part of me is mad too. He should have at least given me a chance to explain. You know what? I'm going to explain ... or try at least. I go to his room but before I do anything I think about this. Is it worth it? Will he listen?  I have to try. 

"Luke hey I want to talk to you." I knock. There is a quiet moment. Maybe he isn't in there. It is 11 o'clock though. "Mr. Smith?" I try that instead. Maybe he is that mad at me. The door swings open in fast motion and it catches me be surprise. Well, here he is. Standing shirtless in front of me. "I'm sorry.. .were you sleeping?" He just shakes his head. Something is off. "Oh... well can I come in? I really would like to talk to you." I feel all embarassed now almost scared even. 

"Now isn't a good time." He sighs. I let out a breath. I should have just left it alone. No. You know what, I'm not just gonna roll over for him because he asked or said so. I need to explain. I want to explain. 

"Will ever be a good time or are just going to ignore me from now on?" I ask. He sighs, and is getting shakey. What is going on. 

"Blaire not now. Some other time okay." He peeks into his room and than back out at me. His room. What's going on? "Goodnight." He sighs already closing the door. I push in the other direction and the door slips from his hand. 

"Oh." I'm taken back. "I ... ah.. I'm sorry." I back up. I feel tears. 

"Blaire .. I can expla-"

"It's okay." I walk away. As fast as I can. Once I'm around the corner I run. I should have just left it alone. 

"Blarie! Wait! Please!" 

 Millions of questions are going through my head. None of them that I can answer. I don't want to answer any of them! I pushed him away that much. So much that he would sleep with another girl. The tears are pouring out and I don't really know where I am anymore from all the turning and not paying attention to where I am. I stop wiping my eyes and thinking about everything. He really hates me. I find my way back to my room. I sit on my bed. still wiping away tears. Throwing my shirt and pants on the floor and heading for the bathroom I decide a nice shower will relax me and let me think clearly. 

So, the shower idea was a bust. Didn't help me at all. In fact I feel even more mad now. I'm sweating from taking ahot shower and the redness on my face from crying will not go away. Maybe i should work out of something. Do something to get this anger out. Throwing back on my training clothes from earlier I head to the training hall. No one is here. All of the lights are off even. I turn on one switch and it lights up the place enough for me. 

I work on everything. Climbing, shooting, running, ETC. It actually feels good being in here alone. No one else to wait in line for no else to judge me. Peace and quiet. I can focus. 

After cleaning everything up and putting away the materials I used, I sit down and think again. Did he really mean it? Does he hate me now? I bet that isn't the first time he has had a girl in his room with him. I was a fool to think he had any feelings for me. Of course he wouldn't. I'm like a little girl toy thing to him. 

I don't want to dwell on this. I want to forget him. ... That's hard to do when you're wickedly in love with someone. I get up and go outside. Running more might help. I start off slow, but my mind wonders and I speed up. Why is this so hard, It's like I made up the entire thing in my head.  I'm suchan idiot. 

"Son of a bitch!" I yell laying flat on my face. I stay on the ground feeling the pain from smacking the ground so hard. One of these days I'm going to cut the root up. Even a damn tree root  can get the best of me. Tears a rolling down my face again. I just lay on the ground crying and thinking about everything. 

****

What in the hell was that? I sit up and rub my eyes adjusting them to the bright light. I let out a breath, looking at the grass around me, I fell asleep out here. Slowly, I get up my body feels a little stiff and sore but what can I expect. I did a full workout yesterday and I ran around like a crazy lady for over an hour. I am hungry though. I need to shower first. I make it to my room without anyway saying anything to me. I shower and change into shorts and a t-shirt and throw my hair intoa braid. Once I feel like I look presentable I head out keeping my head down and my mind on training again today. The cafeteria is booming right now and I almost turn around, but I decide to grab a banana and eat it on the way. 

The lunch lady chats with me for a while and it brightens my spirit slightly, but once we say our goodbye I rush towards the door. I don't want to see Luke. I don't want to see anyone for that matter. 

"Hey." a girl slides in front of me. I don't know her. Or I do. She was in Luke's room last night. "About last night..."

"I don't care. I wont say anything." I interupt, and she nods but stays in front of me. 

"Actually thats not it." She smirks, and I look up at her wondering what she wants. "I was wondering how it feels knowing he doesn't care for you at all?"  I here people yelling and my weight falling before I register what exactly happened. I jumped her. I'm smacking the shit out of her. She deserves it. 

"Put me down! Let go of me!" I yell  kicking against Crash who is pulling me out of the room. He lets go of me outside the  cafeteria. 

"What the hell Blaire?"  He questions. 

"Nothing!" I turn away and head for the training hall.

"That was not nothing!" he demands to know what just happened. 

"None of your concern. Leave me alone!" with that I storm away leaving him standing in the hall confused and angry. I go inside opening my locker and grabbing out my head phones I rarely ever use. Plugging them in and going over to the climbing wall, I think if what just happened what a good thing. Well, obviously it wasn't. But was it smart to do that when I'm already being watched? 

I'm an idiot. She wanted to piss me off and more than likely she wanted to get me in more trouble. Now pretty much everyone here is going to think I am some unstable little girl who needs help. Maybe I do need more help. Maybe Luke was to nice with me and I lost the decipline I need. I stop thinking about things again. Which is a bad idea but I can't help it.  

There must be some truth to that. Luke wasn't hard enough on me and now I'm acting out. No, it's all on me. It's all my fault for getting these feelings for him and thinking I was something special to him. I climb down and head for the door. I can't help but glance in Luke and Natalie's direction while walking past them. On my way out I also pass that girl again and she smirks at me ready to go another round. 

"You must rea-"

"That's enough." Crash is there in the blink of an eye. "Get going Britt." He shoos her away. "Were you really going to fight her again?" He asks.

"What's it to you?" I head towards the door again. "Are you watching me now or something?" I ask knowing he is following behind me. 

"I'm a little worried yes." He admits. I turn around grabing the door before is closes. 

"Well, don't be." I leave closing the door. My fist are clenching and unclenching as I go. Crash seems more worried than Luke. I shake my head who would've thought.

*****

I decide that I will actually eat supper after skipping lunch and breakfast. Going inside, and going through the line I take a seat in the cornner with my free reading book from school that I still have. I ignore the stares that I can feel, and try to tune out peoples voices not wanting to here any of it. Once I finish eating I dump my tray grab my book head for the door. 

"Oops!" I hear and then there is a plate full of beef stew, corn, and apple sauce all over me. "You should maybe watch where you're going a little better." 

"You know what Britt." I sigh, my eyes look around at everyone watching us now. Luke is making his way towards us and so is Crash. "This isn't a competition. It never was. You can have him." I look at Luke. I can see he heard what I said. I turn not wanting to be standing in front of everyone anymore. 

"Blaire..."  I hear him and it makes me walk faster. "Stop. Please." I don't. I feel his hand grab my wrist and I pull it away, and look at him. I'm not crying yet but I can feel it coming on. "Just let me explain." 

"You don't need to explain." I speak to him. "You're a grown man and you can make choices for yourself. It has nothing to do with me." I start walking away again.

"I want to explain." He grabs my hand again. 

"I don't want to hear it, Mr. Smith!" I say turning again. "I don't want to hear another word from your mouth. I'm done doing this with you." I pull my hand from his. 

"Blaire, please jus-" He seems to be getting more upset. "I didn't want to hurt you... I .." he reaches