I Spy With My Little Heart by Kiki XoXo (pdf e book reader TXT) 📕

I don't give him the chance. I make a run for it. I hear his one plea for me to stop and come back, but once I round the cornner I'm running so fast the doors in the hall fly by in blurs. I don't think he is following me. I can't hear his voice yelling for me anymore. He might show up outside. But I can't go back to my room either in case he is just waiting for me to come back. I should have just kicking him out of my room, it is my room! 

"Crash open up." I knock lightly, and lay my forehead against the door. My body feels drained. Practically numb. My arms are tingling and I'm so tired I start to doze when he opens the door. "Shit." I panic, but I catch my balance. 

"You realize it is ..." He looks away, to something in his room. I'm assuming a clock. " ... 3:22 in the morning?"  He asks, with one eye open and the other closed. I woke him up. Of course I did. 

"I want to sleep with you." I waste no time. He stands up straight all of a sudden awake and I feel all the color in my face fall to my feet. "No! I didn't mean it like that!" I hold up my hands, now this is awkward. Great just great. "You know what... nevermind." I sigh and my arms fall like limp noodles. 

"Come on." He sighs, laying a hand on my shoulder. "I even have an extra blanket so we don't have to share." He pauses gesturing for me to come inside. I take two slow timid steps and pass the thresh hold into his room. "Or we can share, you know get all tangled together." I look up at him with a slight smile and hit his chest in jokingly matter. He gives me a wink and I look away with an eye role. I watch him as he walks over to another door, that he opens up to be a cloest. He pulls a blanket down from the top shelf, and hands it to me once he is close enough.  As if nothing is different he walks back over to his bed, and lays back down. 

I get settles on the other side, thanking Mr. Wahls for giving everyone double beds. I lay my head on the pillows, and it surprises me how soft they are. They don't feel used at all. I just figured they would be wore down from all the other girls that have slept in here with him I guess. Shaking my head I regret going there because now I feel gross laying on his bed. 

"Thank you." I whisper, glancing over my shoulder at him. He is laying on his back, both arms are at his sides. He is out cold. Sleeping. Turning back over, I start to count sheep trying to see if that will put me to sleep. Not working at all. I sit up, and rub my eyes. Maybe this was a bad idea. I feel so awkward with him already sleeping next to me. I clear my mind the best I can and think about sleep. I need this sleep. Sleep... sleep...sleep.

Crash and I are both up and out of bed listening to hear exactly what alarm is going off. I look around for a clock, it's 4:14. Not much sleep. I rub my eyes and head for the door. 

"Gas leak?" Crash questions. "Come on." He leads the way. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be going from his room. He opens the door and the hall is packed with people already who are shuffling to get to open air. He grabs my hand and tugs me forward butting into the croud. I grip his hand so I don't lose him even though I really could just follow the rest of the people. We make a turn that no one else is making and I ask him where we're going. All his reply is is trust me.  I do.  We make another turn, then another almost right away. I look around him and see the crowd again. But now they're going outside through the doors to get to the outdoor training center. 

"Smart." I gasp surprised. "Although was this really a faster way out?" I question. 

"Trust me. It is." He smiles showing his pride on his chest. Once we're outside we stand and wait to hear from Mr. Wahls.  "So while we're awake and have nothing to do... you feel like talking about it?" he asks running a hand through his hair. 

"Not particularly. No." I sigh looking around. Where is Luke? 

"Fine then I'm going to take a guess." He crosses his arms, leaning against the fence behind us. "Since you couldn't stay in your own room... Smith was there... and you two got into another fight. Hows that?" 

"Spot on." I look away, but they way he said does make it sound obvious. "Very perceptive." I sigh, taking in the fresh air. "I probably should go back to my bed though after this. Thanks for letting me .. crash .. Crash." 

"Any time Little Bunny." He lays a hand on top of my head and ruffles my hair. "You are welcome any time." 

"Alright we've got the problem all solved and fixed. Just a leak from the kitchen. Nothing to worry about. Everyone can head back to their rooms now." Mr. Wahls' voice booms from the speakers. "Great job everyone." He adds, and then there is a click from the microphone being turned off. 

Crash and I head in different directions once we're back into the building. The halls are still crowded and it takes me a lot longer then usual to get back to my room. I open the door and my light is on. There he is. Still here sitting on my bed. His elbows are on his knees and his face in his hands. I pause. I really didn't think he would come back to my room. I almost turn around. I am not readt to see him. And I am for sure not ready to talk to him yet. 

"Where did you go?" He whispers, but doesn't move an inch. "Answer me, honestly. Where did you go?" He speaks again, but this time his arms fall and he looks me dead in the eyes. The pool of tears gone, now replaced with and obvious anger. He already knows where I went. Air is caught it my throat. I want to go running for the hills. But I can't. He eyes have me trapped here. I'm not going anywhere. 

"You know the answer." I finally am able to wheeze out. He looks away now shaking his head in disapointment. 

"I bet you had a bunch of fun." Now he is laughing. Not a funny type of laugh. 

"How dare you." I gasp. My voice strong and angry. He looks up again but now with confusion. "How dare you assume things like that. How dare you sit there and judge me for wanting to get some fucking sleep. How dare you be mad at me when you are the reason I went to Crash's room to begin with!" I'm yelling. I'm walking towards him. "I want you out of my room." I say, deciding that is all I should say before I say something I shouldn't. 

"You expect me to believe you went to his room and just slept?" He speaks with laughing tone. 

"Believe what ever the hell you want to believe." I reply before he has time to add more. I'm not even going to sit here and try to convince him. I feel my braverly slowly slipping. Now I'm tired again. Heartbroken and I'm about to explode. He really thinks that low of me.  "You're not a fool. I know that. But I didn't realize you were this dumb." I sigh walking towards my bathroom. I'm done arguing with him. 

"Now I'm dumb?" He stands up. 

"Yes!" I blow up at him. Turning around and catching him by surprise. "You're dumb enough to think that I would actually do something with Crash!" MY chest is rising and falling so fast I don't think I'm actually getting any air. Forget holding back tears, becasue now they are falling like a waterfall. "You are an idiot for coming to my room and saying such... such... such things like you said! Espicially when you and I both know that you are lying to yourself!"  I pause. Shit. To late. No going back. "You're an idiot, Luke." I say quietly now. "Because you knew exactly how I feel about you."

"Blaire.." 

"I love you." I whisper, "And you broke my heart."  I finish. "Now please.. just go." I turn away from him and wipe my face. 

"You're wrong." He says so quietly I'm not sure if he actually said anything. "I am a fool. For so many reasons in fact. I'm more then a fool! Blaire, I don't know what I should do. I here footsteps. They're moving away from me. I look back at him, wondering where he is going with this."I don't know how to begin apologizing. Even then there is no excxuse. Where do I begin?" His eyes float up to mine. He sits back down on my bed in the same position I found him in. 

"You think I know?" I actually laugh.  My tears have stopped, and now I feel awkward again. I told him I loved him. He knows now for sure. I'm still standing here with pieces missing and I don't know if I'm going to get the answer I want. 

"Come here." He looks up at me. My feet move on there own. He wraps his arms around me, laying his forehead against my stomache. He is shaking. I can feel everybreath he takes, they're so slow and shakey. "I'm sorry.... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry!" He starts to cry! I rub his back unsure if I should say anything.  He keeps repeating I'm sorry over and over again. 

"Luke." I finally interupt him. "Stop crying." I close my eyes. "It's.. fine." 

"It's not fine." He moves away, going to his knees in front of me.  We are the same height now. And only inches apart. My eyes flash from his eyes to his lips and then his nose and back to his eyes. "None of it is fine, Blaire."

"It is... I sorry to... I was a bitch... and-" 

"Stop." He whispers. I do as I am told. "I have loved you since that first night, Blaire." In a matter of seconds my heart is back together and about to break through my chest. "That first night where we stayed up talking, getting to know each other. You eventually dosed off, and then you had a nightmare. I think it scared me more then it did you! You woke up though and you clung to me for life. This girl who is so strong and brave. Was terrified from a nightmare." I can't breath. It's stuck in my throat and not coming out. " Once you calmed down I stood outside you door for an hour... and then I came back inside. I stayed there until four in the morning just in case you had another nightmare. You didn't. You slept. You were calm and you even smiled sometimes while sleeping."

I close my eyes taking in what he is saying. 

"I do love you Blaire. I love you." I open my eyes and find his staring into mine. We pull together like a magnet. Just holding each other.  I'm still shaking, and I know we need to sleep but how can I possibly sleep now? My eyes are