My Skeptical Thoughts by Suleman Nasir (book club suggestions .txt) 📕

Exaggeration and embroidery in speech are virtually the same as lying and mendaciousness. It not only scars our reputation but also evinces us as untrustworthy and undependable.

There are some ways that if we inculcate, can grace our words. The jewels that adorn our speech are honesty, truthfulness, integrity, and compassion.

We, the humans, are blue-blooded of all those who draw breath on the face of the earth, thus it is expected of us to be a picture of nobility and uprightness, for it is a man’s virtuous and moral standing that brings him at a cut above the angels, and his evil, ungodly doings that lands him in the ranks of the devils.  

Chapter 26

Kill Them with Kindness

“The true and noble way to kill a foe is not to kill him; you, with kindness, may so change him that he shall cease to be a foe.”

-Aleyxn

In the trajectory of our lives, some people form a ring around us who have inflicted or wish to inflict harm upon us, overtly or covertly, intentionally or inadvertently; who see us with glasses tinted with the color of hatred; who are peeved by our existence. These are the ones who take on the roles of villains in our stories. For the most part, our responses to such people conform to their bearing towards us; we reciprocate hatred with hatred and the vicious cycle of hatred perpetuates for eternity since we make futile attempts to put out the fire with fire.

The true test of our character is not in dealing with people who are kind and magnanimous to us but is in the effusive and heartfelt reception of those who find it hard to tolerate us. Humility and tender-heartedness are the powers employing which we can wind the hearts of others; kindliness and goodwill are the forces that can extinguish any inferno of hatred, but these qualities come at a cost. Ego and self-conceit are when sacrificed, these qualities are born at that altar. We tend to others in the manner they do to us, for we hold a preposterous faith that they must reap the harvest they have sown, but we forget that our hearts are the soil where these vile seeds shall be plowed into. The human heart is a vessel tailored only to be filled with love; hatred is a poison alien to it.

“Revenge is a poisoned blade that saves the most fatal cut for the man who wields it.”

-Masashi Kishimoto

We see those, who in some ways have ill-treated us or meted out injustice of some sort upon us, as objects of our vendetta. We lure ourselves into believing that by exacting revenge will we attain true peace and satisfaction, but in the end, it turns out to be anticlimactic. Continuous loathing and fostering ill-feelings for those who had made us suffer brings us on a road that leads to more suffering, for it keeps our wounds green. It makes us bitter and unmindful of those who love us and all the joys that life has to offer. By the virtue of hate and yearning for vengeance, we let our ill-wishers and despisers occupy our minds and hearts. True peace lies in harboring no grudge and abomination against anyone; by kindling the sparks of forgiveness, we can melt the ice in the veins of those who detest us. A kind heart is a stockpile of joyfulness, stimulating everything in its proximity to smile.

We are imperfect and liable to err; sometimes our error-prone instinct gets the better of us. Just in the manner we want and expect to be pardoned for our faults, we must learn to sprinkle the holy water of forgiveness on others too. Forgiveness does not mean an end to our self-respect or self-esteem; neither does it portray us as weaklings, but rather it is a Godlike streak that calls for immense strength and courage to have it at one’s disposal. It is more meritorious to gracefully occupy the throne of someone’s heart than to be ungracefully exiled from it. By letting go of hatred from our end and by not stooping to the lows of malevolence and spite, we mark our eminence and loftiness. We must learn to accept the apologies that we never received. Believe me when I say that we cannot mend ourselves by breaking someone else; it is only the inner healing that gives us a true sense of tranquility. There is no ointment to rid this world of malevolent hatred, except for one that can be administered by us: love. Those who are averse and hateful towards us, the hard crust of their loathing can only be corroded with the scalpel of love, and the demons of hatred dwelling in their hearts can solely be hacked and slashed with a dagger sheathed in kindness.

Chapter 27

Assumption is the Mother of All

Screw-ups

“Your assumptions and the truth dine at totally separate tables.”

-J. Michael Straczynski

We are all conditioned to make assumptions; we make assumptions repeatedly and without exception, some trivial and some consequential. Our mind adjudicates others’ courses of action and pontificates its conjectures as utter and absolute facts. We judge others not on the grounds of reality, but on the premise of our imaginations, past experiences, or wishful thinking. We do not deign to ruminate over the assumptions put forth by our mind, and by deeming our inaccurate assumptions as downright truth we become the judge, jury, and executioner of others. Our assumptions, time and time again, turn out to be unfounded and incorrect, but when we find out, we have already brought about an irreparable damage. In place of reality and factual observations, our judgments are spawned on the grounds of emotions, beliefs, anticipations, and desires. We muddle up these psychological machinations with truth, and thrust them forward as our brand of reality. This is how our inside world colors the lens with which we see and interpret our outside world.

Blind assumptions devour our relationships, friendships, careers, and reputation just like termites gobble up wood. It is a dime a dozen event that unfolds nowadays where one partner stages allegations of infidelity and unfaithfulness aimed at other actuated by mere assumptions; and the dearth of communication hammers the last nail in the coffin of such relationships. Assumptions impel us to impeach and oppugn others’ verity and integrity; it butchers not only our social relations but also prompts our fall from grace. It is often our assumptions that bring us in the clutches of overthinking and anxiety; more often than not, our problems and worries are minor trinkets, but our treacherous mind postulates it as a dire strait and paints our souls blue with distress and panic. Making room for excessive and baseless assumptions must be a forbidden fruit for politicians and world leaders, since it can bring long-held and mutually advantageous alliances between countries to ruins. An individual at the helm of an enterprise or an office may defenestrate his employees on the premise of his assumptions about them, thus turning the axed person’s life topsy-turvy. On account of one’s false assumptions, he not only fouls the nests of others, but he falls prey to it too; when the truth unveils upon a person and the curtain is drawn from his wrong assumptions, he has to live his life buried under the burden of guilt and shame.

The lone stratagem to avoid such mishaps from transpiring is that we must be inquisitive, not to others but our selves. The moment an irrational and unreasonable assumption pops up in our mind, we ought to bring it under the microscope and validate it with the lenses of truth and evidence. There is no better way to overpower a shadow of doubt than with luminance of truth.

Our mind is a mighty tool, but to our dismay, it did not come with an instruction manual. As long as its reins remain in our holding, it will be of great avail, but if unleashed from our grasp, it will sink us into its havoc. There is a delicate line that uncouples sanity from insanity, and that is the line of self-restraint and self-mastery. A man, in himself, is a whole realm; if he successfully quells the seditions and rebellions surging in the republic of his mind, he shall rule until kingdom come, but if he fails to do so, he shall be toppled by his own hands.

Chapter 28

The Sea of Solitude

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.”

-Mother Teresa

We are dwelling in a world that is more connected than ever; regardless of any corner of the earth we lodge ourselves in, we are knitted together through the yarn of telecommunication and social media. Globalization has compressed our panoramic world into a global village. In a connected world like ours, loneliness would have been a phenomenon unbeknownst to us, but in the true light, that is not it. It is unaccountable that more the people are twined together through various means, the more they are subjected to the torments of loneliness. It is crucial to elucidate that loneliness and being alone are conceptions that are entirely poles apart, but the thread that separates them is thin and blurry.

Just like hunger that directs our attention towards our bodily needs, loneliness is like a famished stomach craving for social attention and interaction. For some, loneliness is a fear worse than death; it hatches a yawning void in their hearts. Many among us merely out of the fright of loneliness sign up for toxic relationships and friendships that are ruinous for them. There are a handful of causations of loneliness, but the one that takes the cake is our over-reliance on others. We see others as lenders of happiness and ourselves as its desperate recipients, thereby when we do not incur anticipated attention from others, we begin questioning our worth and are laid open to the stings of loneliness. It also takes place that sometimes even surrounded by hordes of people does not rid us from feeling lonely and isolated; these are the aftereffects of plummeted self-esteem and self-love. When we are not content with ourselves, when our inside world is gloomy and dull, despite all the delectations and pleasures the outside world will appear arid and colorless. If we commence taking delight in our own company, adore ourselves, and engage in activities that beckon joy and contribute in our betterment, we can be the victor in our crusade against loneliness. When we love ourselves enough, it is then when it dawns upon us that to attain happiness we need not hinge on others but our own divine selves. Such solitude wherein one does not feel lonely and isolated is not loneliness but is an indication of deliberately and merrily being alone.

It is a Buddhist belief that happiness and sadness are fictitious concepts and are our own brainchild. The way we interpret our condition defines our feelings. If we are at peace being with ourselves then the prospect of loneliness will scatter like fog upon sunshine. And if we do not put a leash on our yearning for social attention, we will never get it to our heart’s content and will inescapably feel worthless and lonely.

Our generation is more exposed to loneliness because our connections are not as intimate and wholehearted as our predecessors. We boast thousands of virtual friends on social media but the vitality of such friendships is often unsound. It is not the number of acquaintances but the quality that is of great moment. Sole rose can be our whole garden; one good companion, friend can be enough to dispense us felicities and joys that a thousand cannot. We often fall prey to the pangs