Take Me Away by Kayla Trautman (free children's ebooks pdf .txt) 📕

Chapter 1

I layed on my bed and thought about what I was planning to do. I cried. And I thought to myself, "It's all my fault. I can't go on knowing that it's my fault. I deserve to be dead not him. He did everything right. Not me. I'm worthless and don't deserve this lfe given to me. He did."
Then I finaly got up and walked over to the the chair. I looked up and swallowed as I looked at the rope that would put me to sleep and take the missery away. I then stepped up on the chair and put the rope around my neck. I looked back at my life and seen how I have lived it.
When I was six everything was fine. I loved my life then. I was a normal kid. My parents were together, my brother was my whole world. We were close. He protected me. And so did my other older brother. My two brothers were twins. Martin and Matt. They both loved me very much. And I loved them. We played games and had a good time. When I turned ten, my dad had left us. He went with another woman on my birthday. He didn't say anything. He didn't call to say I love you. My mother actually reported him as missing. When he had heard about it he wrote to my mother telling her that he was okay but he had left her. My mother cried for months. It broke my heart to see her like that. And I didn't speak for a year. I finally spoke when I turned eleven. And then that's when everything started going downhill.
I met my first dealer and tried some Cocaine. I couldn't stand the needle so I snorted it. But then I was able to handle the needle. I used the money that I had saved up since I was five to support my addiction. I saved up every bit of money that I had gotten so I had over two thousand dollars. I couldn't believe I had so much but my Aunt was a lawyer. She was a very good lawyer. But she died when I was 14. My money lasted me until I was 15.
One day my brother, Matt, walked in my room and caught me shooting up. I stopped when he came in and saw it. He yelled at me and took me to mother. Mother cried and she made me tell her where my stash was. I showed her and she flushed it down the toilet. I was grounded for two months. And I was mad at my brother for ratting me out. She had thought that I was clean for the two months that I was grounded, but I only snuck out in the middle of the night and returned before anyone realized that I was gone. Everything was different from then on.
I am now 18. It was only two weeks ago that my Martin walked in my room to find me buying Morphine and Cocaine off of my dealer. He got into a big fight with him. I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen to me. Then my dealer pulled a gun out and shot him in his head. He's in jail now but that doesn't change the fact that Martin's dead.
I couldn't think about that anymore. It was too painful and I knew that I didn't deserve the life that everyone was trying to give me. I jumped off the chair and kicked it out of reach. I just dangled there sufficating. Then I slowly closed my eyes. The last thing I saw was my Evanescence poster on my door. I could've sworn that I saw it open a crack when I closed my eyes but I'm not sure.

I don't know what happend but I woke up. I looked around and it seemed to be a hospital room. My mom was sitting beside my bed in a chair. She had her arms folded on the bed with her head burried in ehr arms. She seemed to be asleep. Then at that moment Matt walked in and saw that I was awake. He smiled and tapped mom on the shoulder, "Hey she's awake." Mom sat up and looked at me, "Thank god. I thought that we had lost you." I frowned, "Where am I? What happend?" Mom answered, "Matt walked in to find you unconscious hanging from a rope. You almost died." I turned around on my side and put my hand on my pillow, "He should've just let me hang there." Matt folded his arms, "No I shouldn't have. And I'm glad that I didn't. We already lost one person. We can't lose another one." Mom put her hand on my shoulder but I moved away. She folded her arms, "Emily. Why did you try to kill yourself?" I just ignored her and silently cried to myself. Matt put his hand on her shoulder, "Mom. Why don't you go get a soda from the machine. I'll try and talk to her." Mom nodded and left. When she left Mattsat in the chai that she was sitting in and tapped my shoulder, "Emily. Turn around and look at me." I sighed, "Why?" "So I can talk to you." He answered.
I turned around and looked at him. He wipped the tears from my face, "Emily. Why do you want to die?" I sat up facing him and answered, "Because I don't deserve to be alive. Martin should be alive. But he's dead because of me. I killed him. I mean, I didn't shoot him, but he wouldn't have gotten shot if it weren't for me. He had a life that meant something. His was more important than mine. I can't live knowing that I took that away from him." Matt took my hands, "Emily. It's not your fault. He walked in and saw a drug dealer pushing you to get hooked back on the drugs. He did what I would've done." I turned away from him and walked over to the window. I looked out the window and cried. I knew that he was wrong. He wasn't pushing me into getting hooked on drugs again. I never stopped. I felt ashamed of myself. I have them thinking that I had stopped using drugs since I was twelve. Matt came over to me and put his arm around me, "Talk to me." I shook my head, "Why did he have to die? He deserved the life that was given to him. He made something of his life. And he was only 25." Matt turned me to him and hugged me, "It's going to be okay. But you can't keep thinking that you're the one to blame for his death." I pulled away from him and ran into the bathroom. I shut the door and locked the door before he could follow me. He tried to open the door but he couldn't. He started banging on the door, "Emily! Open the door!" I cried and yelled out, "No! Just go away! I don't want to talk right now!" Matt stopped banging on the door and I heard footsteps so I assumed that he left. I walked over to the toilet and sat down. I bent over and put my head in my lap.
There was a knock on the door and my mom called in, "Emily. Please open the door sweetie." I sat up and walked over to the door. I wipped my tears away and unlocked the door. When I opened the door my mom hugged me. I just stood there. She pulled back and led me over to the hospital bed. I asked, "Mom, can we please go home now?" Matt was standing over by the window when he said, "No. We have to wait until some consulor gets here. They need to talk to you." I sat on the bed, "Why do I have to talk to them?" My mom answered, "Because when someone tries to commit suidcide, the hospital has a consulor talk to that person to find out why and make sure that they won't do it again. Emily, are you going to do it again?" Matt walked over to stand next to mom. They both looked at me and waited for me to answer. I sighed and folded my arms, "No." I looked away from them. My mom hugged me, "Good. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." Matt sat next to me and brushed his fingers through my hair, "Have you thought about what I told you? About it not being your fault?" I sighed and looked at him, "I know that you want me to think that it's not my fault but it is. I can't lie to myself and say that it isn't. I will never stop thinking that. I'm going to try to live with that. Because I just promised you two that I wouldn't try to kill myself again." Mom looked at me and then at Matt, "What does she think is her fault?" Matt answered, "She thinks that Martin's death was her fault." Mom looked at me, "Oh baby, it's not your fault. Please don't think that." I got up and walked over to the window crying. They followed me over there. My mom put her hands on my face, "Baby, it's not your fault. Not one bit." I pushed her hands away from my face and yelled, "Stop calling me baby! I'm not your daughter! Or at least I shouldn't be! I killed your son! I killed my brother!" Matt shook his head, "No you didn't! Like I told you . . ." I interrupted him, "No! Don't tell me that the dealer was pushing me to start drugs again, and that you would've done the same thing! Because it's not true! I was buying drugs! I never quit! I've been hooked on drugs and shooting up since I was eleven. And when you grounded me I just snuck out in the middle of the night and got high." Matt came over to me and took my hands, "Emily. Please tell me that that's not true." I turned my arms around to show him my inner arms, "It's true! You can't tell me that you haven't seen more needle scars! And when I did I was always out of the house so that you wouldn't see me when I was high!" My mom went over and sat down on the chair crying. I sat down on the floor and buried my face into my arms crying. Matt was blown away by what I just told him. I could tell when I glanced up at him to see him starring at me with a shocked look. Matt then said, "I'm going to go for a walk. I'll be back in a little bit." My mom wipped her tears away and nodded, "Okay." Matt left and I just stayed there on the floor crying silently to myself.


Chapter 2

After I talked to the consulor we went home. Everyone was quiet on the drive home.
When we got inside the house I walked into my room and Matt followed me. I layed down on my bed and I didn't say anything. Matt put the chair back under the rope and stood on it. He took a pocket knife out from his pocket and cut the rope down, "I thought that I'd take this down for you." I just layed there and stared at the floor. Matt put the knife away and and walked over to me. He knelt in front of me