Go Easy on the Scotch by Doug Robbins (best large ebook reader .TXT) 📕

Go Easy On the Scotch

‘’Go easy on the scotch, Jed,’’ Norma pleaded.

‘’For crying out loud,’’ Jed muttered. ‘’You sound like a broken record.

‘’You promised me you’d quit drinking,’’ Norma said.

‘’I have; I just need it for tonight. Then baby, I’m off the stuff forever,’’ Jed’s eyes never left his glass.

‘’You’re going throw up tonight. Is that what you want, Jed? To throw up on the people in the front row? That’ll certainly impress Mr. Stickler, won’t it? I’m sure he’ll invite you back to be a feature after that.’’ Norma squeezed her husband’s arm.

‘’Norma, please,’’ Jed begged.

‘’I just want you to make a good impression, okay?’’ Norma’s voice softened.

He put his hand on hers. ‘’I know. Don’t you worry; tonight is gonna mark the beginning of a brand new Jed Golding.’’ Jed’s voice shook a bit, but overall, he sounded fairly confident.

‘’I’m gonna go to the store. Need anything while I’m gone?’’ Her gray eyes shimmered.

‘’Nope. I’m just gonna catch a little nap before I go.’’

Jed staggered off to bed. When he awoke, a piercing headache greeted him. ‘’Shit,’’ he thought, reaching for the Tylenol on his night stand.

He popped it in his mouth and choked down the pill, gagging a little. An hour before the show, Jed sat in his dressing room- in front of a mirror, adjusting his bowtie. He kept glancing at the reflection of the dummy, sitting on the couch. ‘’You better behave yourself tonight,’’ warned Jed. ‘’Ya hear me, Buddy?’’

‘’Yeah, yeah,’’ the dummy answered.

‘’I don’t want a repeat of Denver. You got me?’’ Jed asked.

‘’Relax, pal. That broad was a lush. She fell. Not my fault, and not your fault,’’ Buddy the dummy’s voice came out sounding smooth.

Jed shuddered, remembering that terrible night. He remembered hearing the screams, as he exited the bathroom. He ran over and discovered his date had fallen over the railing on the hotel balcony he had been staying in that night.

The detective had deduced that she had fallen, and was not pushed, and no charges were ever brought against Jed. A knock on his dressing room interrupted the ventriloquist’s trip down nightmare lane. ‘’They’re ready for ya,’’ the voice said.

‘’Be right out, Sam,’’ Jed called to his stage manager.

He walked over to the dummy, picking him up and scanning the doll over with his eyes. ‘’It’s show time.’’

The dim stage lighting caused Jed to squint. ‘’Buddy, don’t we have a lovely audience here this evening?’’ Jed asked.

Scanning the audience, the dummy said with an air of sarcasm, ‘’not bad for a fish market.’’

The audience laughed.

‘’That’s not very nice,’’ Jed corrected the dummy, narrowing his eyes, almost glaring at the wooden perpetrator. ‘’These are a fine group of people; if you don’t behave, I’m gonna turn you into kindling.’’

‘’The cops will lock you up for murder,’’ Buddy replied.

‘’It’s not against the law to burn a dummy,’’ Jed answered.

‘’I meant you’re jokes are so bad, they are actually killing comedy.’’ Buddy tossed back his head, letting out a long donkey laugh.

Jed rolled his eyes. ‘’You really think you’re a funny guy. Don’t you?’’

‘’You’re the funny one,’’ hissed Buddy.

‘’Oh? You think so?’’ Jed asked.

Buddy nodded. The fact that you think you’re jokes are actually funny. You’re a riot!”’

The crowd laughed uproariously.

Jed took a final bow before exiting the stage. Sam greeted him backstage. ‘’You did it! Mr. Stickler made you a feature performer!’’

‘’That’s marvelous,’’ Jed said, wrapping his stage manager in a big bear hug. ‘’Wait till I tell Norma!’’

When Sam walked away, Jed whispered to his wooden partner. ‘’We did it, Buddy. You really came through for me tonight, pal.’’

‘’Easy chum,’’ insisted Buddy. ‘’If you were a St. Bernard, I’d understand the drooling. Get ahold of yourself, man.’’

He began to dress in the finest suits, Norma dressed in pearls and wore big extravagant fur coats. Jed worked twice a day, six days a week, taking Sundays off. One night after a show, Jed and Norma headed straight upstairs. Casually before a night of passion, carelessly, Jed tossed the dummy casually on the couch.

The next day, Jed found the dummy had destroyed the living room. Couch cushions were strewn about the room- and had been sliced open with a knife. Chairs were overturned, and the television had been smashed, and was still smoking. When Norma came into the room, her eyes nearly exploded out of her skull. ‘’What went on in here?’’

‘’The damn dummy did this?’’ Jed said, shaking his head.

‘’The what?’’ Norma asked.

‘’The dummy’s alive,’’ Jed replied. ‘’He’s alive, and he’s trouble.’’

‘’Oh no,’’ Norma replied. ‘’You aren’t serious; are you?’’

‘’Of course I’m serious,’’ Jed studied his wife’s face.

She embraced him. ‘’Oh Jed. I thought we were through with this.’’

‘’Through with what?’’ Jed wore a mask of puzzlement.

‘’You mean you don’t remember?’’

‘’Remember what?’’ Asked Jed, growing increasingly more agitated.

‘’You’re having another episode,’’ Norma searched frantically for the phone.

‘’An episode?’’ Jed’s face grew increasingly flustered. ‘’What the Hell is that supposed to mean?’’

‘’Calm down, Jed,’’ Norma stated, her voice hinting at undertones of panic. ‘’I’m calling Dr. Miller now.’’

‘’Who’s Dr. Miller?’’ Jed said, lunging for his wife, speaking in Buddy’s voice.

He seized her by the throat, strangling her till death. He was institutionalized. Dr. Miller stood outside his cell, discussing Jed’s case with a nurse.

‘’You mean he’s killed before?’’ The nurse asked.

‘’Oh yes. Twice now,’’ Dr. Miller’s voice was gruff. ‘’The first one was a mistress; the second being his wife.’’

‘’What’d he kill the women for?” The nurse’s face contorted in a disguise of horror.

‘’The mistress he killed because she threatened to tell the wife about the affair after he threatened to break off the affair.’’ Dr. Miller rubbed his chin.

‘’And the wife?’’ The nurse’s eyes widened, whispering.

‘’Part of the delusion he created with the mistress,’’ Dr. Miller said.

‘’Delusion?’’ The nurse uttered a confused whisper.

‘’Feeling guilty that he had murdered someone, he developed a split personality.’’ Dr. Miller’s words cut like knives.

‘’Split personality?’’ The nurse’s brown eyes caught the fluorescent lighting.

‘’Indeed. You remember me telling you he was a ventriloquist?’’

‘’Yes?’’

Well… In his own mind, Jed wanted to erase the crime. Alleviate the guilt. He blamed the dummy. He even grew to believe the dummy was alive. Seemed to be rehabilitated, but I guess not. It’s a pity.’’

‘’That’s awful,’’ the nurse gazed in at Jed, feeling a strange kind of sympathy for him.

‘’He was a damn fine ventriloquist,’’ Dr. Miller grunted. ‘’Damn fine.’’

Publication Date: 10-31-2015

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
dummy story