M*A*S*H Quotes #51-#80 by Compiled by John Damocles Smith. (spicy books to read .txt) 📕

#51:-
(Frank reads his Bible and McIntyre watches from behind his magazine.)
"Who re-wrote these commandments?"


#52:-
(To Maj. Houlihan.)
"You and Frank Burns will have to stop practicing medicine together... ...and whatever else you've been practicing."


#53:-
Maj. Houlihan- "You are no gentleman."

Hawkeye- "Good thing you are."


#54:-
Voiceover from the public address system- "Will pay $5 for a hot letter from home."


#55:-
Frank- "Do we know anything about this Major Stoner?"

Radar- "I didn't know that you know anything at all, sir."


#56:-
(Colonel Blake introduces Major Stoner to Major Houlihan and Frank.)
"Major Stoner, this is Major Burnes."

Frank- "Major."

Stoner- "Major."

Col. Blake- "This is Major Houlihan."

Hot Lips- "Major."

Stoner- "Major."

Hawkeye (Falsely introduces himself as Major Pierce and then says)-I think we made a major breakthrough here.)


#57:-
Hawkeye to nurse- "Would you like sardine tonight?"

Nurse- "Sardines?"

Hawkeye- "Yeah, (in) my tent, I'll bring the oil."


#58:-
(Radar reads to Hawkeye)
"Dear son... It's from your Father."


#59:-
Hawkeye- "Wake me when you're finished, I don't want to miss my nap."


#60:-
Frank- "I just saw two natives bury a bomb here."
Hawkeye- "Frank, you're paranoid."
Frank- "I'm not."
Hawkeye- "When did you see them do it?"
Frank- "When I checked my toothpaste for explosives."


#61:-
Radar- "Would you like to read the note, Major?"

Hot Lips- "What?"

Radar- "There's a note with words on it."


#62:-
Frank- "Halt, who goes there? Friend or foe?"

Maj. Houlihan (driving)- "Out'a the way or I'll run you over."

Hawkeye(?)- "Pass, friend."


#63:-
Colonel Potter- "Buddy up with him. Surely you have something in common."

Hawkeye- "Yeah, we hate each other."


#64:-
Frank- "Who said you could play poker here?"

Col. Potter- "I did."

Frank- "Enjoy your game, sir."


#65:-
Father Mulcahey (playing cards)-"May the Lord have mercy on my cards."

Col. Potter- "Same deal for me, Lord."


#66:-
(Hawkeye and B.J help Frank who fell over)
Col. Potter- "I really appreciate what you boys are doing for him. Things will be better from now on."

Hawkeye- "Fine, we'll bury him."


#67:-
B.J- "It's shampoo... only because we couldn't afford real poo."


#68:-
Col. Potter to Radar- "King Kong carried her all the way to the top of The Empire State Building."

Radar- "I heard that there are some weirdos in New York."


#69:-
Col. Potter to Klinger- "No dress? How come you're out of uniform."


#70:-
(Col. Potter, walking his horse with Hawkeye and Maj. Houlihan beside him.)
Horse- (Neighs.)

Hawkeye to Maj. Houlihan- "Did you say something?"


#71:-
(Major Winchester learns that he's permanently assigned to the 4077 to his great shock.)
Maj. Winchester to Radar- "I assure you, Corporal, no-one in Kora is madder than me."


#72:-
Hawkeye- "I once knew a woman named Penelope, everyone called her 'Penny.' Personally, I though she was worth more."


#73:-
Maj. Houlihan to Hawkeye- "I love seeing a strong man who takes charge of a situation. Now shut-up and do as I tell you."


#74:-
Col. Potter- "Well, Radar, it looks like we're even."

Radar (counting his money)- "I know, sir."

Col. Potter- "You say you know and you're still counting."

Radar- "I know, sir."


#75:-
Wounded soldier to Maj. Winchester- "Please do your best."

Maj. Houlihan- "You don't know how fortunate you are, Maj. Winhester was one of the best doctors in (Houston?) You would have to had be paying to see him."

Maj. Winchester- "Yes, if this was (Houston?) I would have referred you to someone else."


#76:-
Maj. Houlihan- "It just so happens that I have a date tonight with my husband."

B.J- "Good, the two of you can finally fight in person."


#77:-
Maj. Winchester- "Please, I've gone through hell."

Hawkeye- "Then go through faster."


#78:-
(Hawkeye is temporarily in charge and the nurses argue over trading shifts with each other.)
Hawkeye- "This is your commanding officer, I must warn you that if this arguing keeps up then you'll be confined to my quarters... one by one."


#79:-
Extra to Hawkeye- "No-one says 'no' to The Scrounger."

Hawkeye- "No?"


#80:-
Hawkeye- "Aaahh Radar, I didn't recognize you without your tonsils."

Publication Date: 10-11-2011

All Rights Reserved