Colonel Chuckles by Scorpio *** (interesting books to read .TXT) 📕

is something spectacular and at the end of the parade every GC passes out in slow march through the giant doors of famous Chetwode Hall and then becomes an officer of the Indian Army. POP watched by a huge audience comprising parents and relatives of the cadets and other senior officers and families is really the first moment of pride in the Army that every officer cherished through out his life.  

 

The practice for POP starts about a month in advance and perfected in every detail unlike our Con Wealth Games in Delhi! In one of the practices standing in hot sun for long Col (then GC of course) was about to faint. He was staggering for a moment, but recovered fast and was up in action again. The IMA Adjutant, Major Berri, who oversees the practices from a distance on his ceremonial horse, saw this and he trotted his horse to our squad.

 

“ GC! ” He shouted, “ What happened”

Col was bit shaken up. He said in a feeble voice: “ ‘ chakkar aya tha sir”

“ Hi! Did you smoke a pack of Charminar last night”

“No Sir! I don’t smoke”

“Did you have three four XXX last night?”

“No Sir! I don’t drink”

“ Then you slept with a woman in the city?”

“ Noo Sir” Col said blushing

“ Look here! I did all these last night and still and I am up here…”

Before he could complete Col said ”great Sir! All on the horse back Sir?”

Major Berri was stunned for a moment! I saw him smiling for the first time, He asked Col “ you cheeky idiot? What is your name?”

  

Sub Major who was conducting the practice had closed in by that time. He shouted “ GC! Arguing on parade 15 extra drills”

 

Col holds the record for doing 42 extra drills (maximum you can get in a term) if I remember correctly!

 

Col Tweets

 

People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’. I say there is! Marry the right person, and you’re ‘complete’ Marry the wrong person, and you’re ‘finished’

 

 

72  We   were stopped by the Police!

 

Col and myself were on our way home in my car, me on the wheel, from the Officers’ Institute, Pangode one night. Around TVM Club the Police stopped me! The Inspector told me that I was stopped because my taillight was burned out.

 

I told him "I'm very sorry inspector, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away tomorrow morning."

 

Just then Col said to me”   You idiot! I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed you didn’t mind!”

 

Then inspector gave a dirty look and asked for my license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."

 

I again apologized and mentioned that I didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning

 

 Col then asked me “ Ocha shiromani! Don’t you remember that a week ago your agent rang up when I was there to tell you that your license was expiring day before”?

 

It was limit! I got terribly upset with my friend contradicting me in front of the inspector, and I told him in a rather loud voice, " Boss will you bloody well shut up. Let me deal with him”

At this point the inspector leaned over towards Col and asked him "Does your friend always shout at you like this?"

 

Col replied coolly “ No only when he's drunk."

 

I felt like killing him, but did not ! After all he is my Boss

 

Col Tweets

 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with abroken fan belt and leaky tire.

 

73  Saturday nightmare

 

Second Saturdays are always lively, especially in the Army Institute , Lot of friends old & serving to chat, drink and eat with. More the crowd lovelier the nite is!

 

One such Saturday nite around 10 30 Emergency cell no 100 of the Police HQ gets a call.

 

“Is it 100 Emergency?”

 

“Amam Sar sollungo”

 

“Inspector?”

 

“Amam Sir Ramamoorthy here”

 

“Inspector I am Col xxxx   I’ve been robbed!"

 

“ Vanakkam Sir sollungo Sir "

 

“Inspector someone has robbed me. He stole my Stereo. Steering wheel, my accelerator, even my brake Pedal "

 

“Please repeat Sir detaila sollungo”’

 

"Yes, Inspector I am telling you, Unmaye sollren, my stereo, my accelerator, my brake pedal my steering wheel even my floor gear all are missing “

 

"Sir, where are you? What is your is your location?"

 

"I'm in my car."

 

 

"Sir, could you tell me exactly where your car is located now?

 

“ On The road. Can not be in the Swimming Pool!”

 

“ Sorry Sir exactly which road?

 

“ Please note Inspector, front of Cotton Hill Girls High School “

 

“ Ok Sir. I’m there in 10 minutes, Nan ange varen pathu nimisham wait pannungo, don’t move anything OK ”’

 

Col was happy someone sensible is coming.

 

Promptly with in 10 minutes Inspector Ramamurthi pulled up his van in front of HDFC. To his utter surprise there was no car parked, there was only an auto rickshaw, the driver standing outside looking totally lost.

 

“Enneda all Ok “ Inspector asked

 

“ No sir “

 

Suddenly Inspector heard an incoherent voice from the auto rickshaw, he saw the huge frame of Col trying to pull himself out from the back seat.

 

“Sorry Inspector it is me, Col xxxx Retd.I phoned you 15 minutes back. I am really sorry I forgot that I came to club today by auto, my car is in workshop! Romba sorry for the trouble! Mannichidungo” Col Spoke in Chaste Tamil to please Inspector Ramamoorthi.

 

Inspector Ramamurthi of Kerala Police had a loud hearty laugh, for the first time in his life it seemed. “OK Sir it happens with me also on Saturdays when I’m off duty. It is Ok Kavalappedavendam”

 

“Edei sarine seekhram drop pannu Ok “ He told the auto driver.

 

 

Col Tweets

 

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you

 

 

74  Yep! It started

 

On Saturday evening having exasperated from work Col came home. He ran   runs into the living room straight and flopped down wn in front of the TV. He quickly turned it on it on and started flipping through the channels.

 

His wife who was in the kitchen   heard the loud noise from the TV   walked in with a grim face. Col told her in a tired voice " hon hurry up and get me a beer before it starts!"

The wife murmuring something which was not audible to Col went to the fridge, cracks a beer and gives it to her husband.

 

The Col sat back in his sofa and slammed the bee, gave the empty bottle to herand told her " What a relief ! Hurry up and get me another one! It's gonna start soon!"

 

The wife went to the fridge, gots another beer, craced it open, and took it to her beloved husband with her unaudibles slightly going up in db level. Col easily slammed the second one too,, gave her the empty bottle ordered this time.

 

“Why cant you hurry up and get me one more it's gonna start ANY minute!" The wife, totally upset went to the fridge, got a beer, cracked it open, tossed it to Col spilling half of it on ground and yelled ”You know, all you ever do around here is come home from work, sit in front of the TV, bark orders at me, drink beer.............”.

 

Col sipping his third beer said "YEP, IT'S STARTED! I told you any moment!”

 

 

Col ‘s Tweet

 

Before you criticize someone, you should walk amile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

 75 My wife is an angel

 

It was not on a Sunday, but Tuesday !

Col called me on intercom and asked me to meet him in his cabin. Wondering what could be the next trouble I reached in five minutes .

There I saw him in a very happy mood, very rare sight of course. pouring hot coffee from the flask into two mugs.

He asked me to sit down and pushed one mug to me and then said “ Mate I am really happy today !” I didn’t know what to tell because I have not seen him in a joyous mood for long

He continued “ hi my wife is an angel! I came to know yesterday!”

I was in a fix! Neither I can agree nor disagree ! I kept mum

He said “ you will be wondering why I am saying this now! I will explain ok !  

When I reached home yesterday afternoon home I found total mayhem in my house. My three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to my wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, I found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

I quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for my wife. I was worried that she might be ill, or worse!! To my utmost surprise and relief I found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at me and asked how my day went. I was in rage. I looked at her with the biggest face I could make and asked, "What on earth has happened here today?"

Hi Mate! You won’t believe she smiled at me   and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?

 

Ohh what a way to make me discover her ! She is really an angel!”

 

The coffee I was sipping suddenly tumbled and some fell on the table top! I looked at him sheepishly and said “ sorry Boss too hot!”

 

Col’s Tweet

 

How do you keep an Army Officer busy for hours?  A: Give him a blank sheet of paper and tell him to write his name on the frontpge top right

 

 76 A genius at work!

 

Col, at times, when high up in spirits comes out with his heroics for he loves his own voice. Knowing fully well I usually discount 80 % of what he says! Here is one of those he narrated to me!

 

“ ‘Last week I was going to Kottayam on my i10.   You see MC Road is now fine tempts you to drive real fast. As luck would have it near Vembayam while taking a slight turning my car went and collided with another Swift coming from the opposite direction. Not much of damage for both but two big fellows came out of the Swift and squarely blamed me for the accident. He took out his mobile rang up the Police.   Frankly speaking I was at fault. From the car sticker I could make out the driver could be a doctor.

 

I told him “ Doc I am Col …..Im sorry we will sort it out, why to involve the Police?”

That fella wont agree . He had a friend, a bulky guy, he was more aggressive. He said “ no Col Sab we are not in a hurry let the police come ok. You were on wrongside and banged as straight” . I didn’t know where to go!

 

I took out my hip flask which I always carry you know and two paper glasses from the car and poured two large in each, added some water from Acquafena and offered them telling

 

” Hi Doc mind having little Black Label?” Doc