The Ten Pleasures of Marriage<br />and the Second Part, The Confession of the New Married Couple by A. Marsh (best free novels txt) 📕

entertaining their husbands your He-Gossips, who will not be backward in doing of you reason out of the greatest bowl you will set before them, and talk as freely of a Py-corner merchandize.

Who is there now that doth not praise, and commend your manfull deeds to the highest? Ha, ha, saith Master Laugh wel, that's a Child! who ever saw a braver! there's not the fellow on't! O my dearest, I have such a delight in this Child, that if we were but a little alone together, I'd cast you such another as if it were of the same mould. Stay a little, stay a little, saith Master Fillup, it may be you would not run so strong a course. Yet I saw once two Souldiers who were Batchelors, that were sitting in an evening drinking in an Alehouse, and talking lustily of the Bobbinjo trade; whereupon one of them said; Cocksbobs Jack if I had but a Wife, as well as another, I'd presently get her with Child of a brave boy. Ho, ho, saith the t'other, it is an easie thing to get a Wife if one seek it. If I would, I dare lay a wager on't, I would be the Bridegroom within the space of two hours. The other not beleeving him, they laid a wager between them for a bottle of Wine. Hereupon one of them went out of dores just upon the striking of the clock; & hardly was gone a streets length, before he met with a bonny bouncing girl, who was going of an errand for her Mistris, and he presently laies her on board. But she seemed to be very much offended, that an honest Maid going about her business in the evening, should be in this manner so encountred by a strange fellow, with a sword by his side. Verily, Sweetheart, said he, you have a great deal of reason in all what you say; but you may certainly beleeve that it is an honest person who speaks to you, and only seeks an occasion to be acquainted with a virtuous good condition'd Maid. My wearing of a sword, is because I am a Souldier, and am very well known by many honest people. And truly, if you please to admit me this favour, you shall see and find me to be an honest man, and none of those that go about to ly and deceive any body; and indeed my intention & desire is to marry, to that end seeking nothing but an honest Maid, and I doubt not but that I have at this time found one to my mind. And went forward with his chat in these sort of terms. But the Maid denied him, saying, that she had no mind at-all to a Souldier, because it was one of the poorest and miserablest sort of levelihoods; their pay being but very little, and they were seldom advanced, &c. He on the other side commending & approving a Souldiers life to be the merriest, resolutest, & absolute easiest of any that was under the Sun; because that neither hungrie care, nor finical pride did any waies take place by them, but that they, on the contrary, were alwaies merry, never admitting sorrow into their thoughts. 'Tis true, said he, our pay is but small; but then again, all what the Country people have, is our own; for what we want our selves, we get from them: we never take care for to morrow, having alwaies something fresh, & every day new mirth. Riches, Sweetheart, doth not consist in multiplicity of Goods, but in content; & there's no one better satisfied than a Souldier, therefore you shall alwaies see an honest Souldier look plump and fat, just as I do: but Drunkards and Whore-masters fall away miserably, &c.

In short, the Maid begun a little to listen to him (and so much the more, because that very morning she had a falling out with her Mistris) and told him, she would take it into consideration. He answered her again, what a fidle stick, why should we spend time in thinking? we are equally matcht: a Souldier never thinks long upon any thing, but takes hold of all present opportunities, and it generally falls out well with him. But she drawing back a little, he saith, ah my dearest, you must take a quick resolution. Behold there, yonder comes a Cloud driving towards the Moon: I'l give you so much time, till that be past by; therefore be pleased to resolve quick, for otherwise I must go & seek my fortune by another. For a Soldier neither woos nor threatens long.

Upon this she considered a little, but before the Cloud was past by the Moon, she gave him her consent; and he gave her his Tobacco-box for a pledge of marriage; and desired something of her in like manner for a pledge; but she said she had nothing: howsoever he persisted so strongly, that in conclusion she gave him her Garter for a pledge of marriage. He was contented with it, and taking his leave, went unto his Comrades; and told them what had hapned to him, shewing them the Garter. Whereupon he that had laid the wager with him, askt, who it was, what her name was, and where she dwelt, &c. And being told by another, that it was a handsom, neat, and very well complexion'd Maid, By my troth, said he, I wish I were to give four Cans of Wine that I could light upon such another. Well, see there, saith the first, if you will give four Cans of Wine, I will both give you the Garter & the Maid too into the bargain: It was done but by Moonlight; so that she'l hardly know whether it be me or another.

Hereupon the agreement was concluded, the two first Cans of Wine were spent, and the Garter was delivered to him, and every one charged to keep it secret.

This second Souldier goes to the Maid next day in the evening, at the hour and place where they had appointed to meet. And there relating to her several passages that were passed between them the day before, and shewing her the Garter, made her beleeve that he was the person that had contracted with her the day before. To be short, the Maid leaves her service and marries him. And that which is most to be observed, is, that that which the first Souldier vaunted to have done, the second performed; for just nine months after they were married, she was brought to bed of a gallant young boy, and they lived very peaceably and quietly together.

Well, I'l vow, saith Master Crossgrain, that's a very notable relation; it is better a great deal that the business happen so, then like another, which is just contrary, that I shall make mention of to you.

Barebeard and Mally, who by a sudden accident, without much wooing, were gotten together, and their first Bane of matrimony was published; but falling out, they called one another all the names that they could reap together; nay it run so high, that they would discharge each other of their promises, and resolved to go to the Bishop & crave that they might have liberty to forbid the Banes themselves, which hapned so.

Barebeard coming then with Mall before his Grace, complained that he did already perceive his intended marriage would never come to a good event, because he found perfectly that this Maid was a lumpish Jade, a nasty Slut, a Scolding, bawling Carrion, & a restless peece of mortality. Therefore it might go as it would, he did not care for the Maid, neither would he marry her, and for those reasons, he desired his Grace to grant that the Banes might be forbidden; as thinking it much better for him to quit her betimes, before it was too late. She on the t'other side said, that he was one that run gadding along the streets at all hours of the night, a private drunken beast, a Spend-thrift, &c. so that she did not care for him neither. Whereupon his Grace smiling told them, well you fellow and wench; do you think that we do here so give and take away the consent of marriage? perhaps when you are married, it may be much better, for the marriage bed doth for the most part change the ten sences into five. But she answered, may it please your Grace, he is no such man to do that, for all that he can do is only to-follow his own round-head-like stiff-neckedness, and e'en nothing else. Whereupon he again answered, may it please your Grace, I have no mind ever to try it with such a creature as she is; I should be then fast enough bound to her; neither would I willingly go alive headlong to the Devil, to take my habitation in Hell.

The Bishop thus perceiving that no good thread could be spun of such sort of Flax, caused the Banes to be forbidden. Then said Barebeard, may it please your Grace, am I not a freeman, & may I not marry with whom I please, or have a mind to? to which his Grace answered, yes. Presently Barebeard thrusting his head out at the dore, calls out aloud, Peg do you come hither now; and begged that his Grace would be pleased to give him leave to marry with this person. Which Mall seeing she cries out, you Rogue, you have been too cunning for me in this; if I had the least thoughts on't, I would have had my Hal to have tarried for me at this dore, instead of tarrying for me at another place. Whereupon his Grace, being in great ire,