The Ten Pleasures of Marriage<br />and the Second Part, The Confession of the New Married Couple by A. Marsh (best free novels txt) 📕

chid them most shrewdly, giving them such strong reproofs, that at first it might very well be imagined that he would never have admitted of a second consent; yet afterwards upon considerations it was granted. But Barebeard being now married with Peg, they got no children: And Mall being married to Hal, they had both a Son and a Daughter at one birth. By which its easie to be observed what acquaintance Mall had made with Barebeard before hand, & why she would rather marry with Hall then with him.

To this again Mistris Sweetmouth relates, that she had been several times invited to Mistris Braves labour; and that she had been twice brought to bed very happily of two delicate twins. And in the last encounter, for a recompence of the affection of her Beloved, she presented him with two lustly and gallant boys; but because she would equally balance his great bounty; the Midwife takes the same walk again for another, and finding in what condition things stood, she calls for a bason of warm water, bringing out at last a most delicate pretty daughter, that was yet poor thing wrapt up in the Cawl. Which she immediately laid into the warm water, and shewed unto them all the wonderfull works of nature; for there they could see it move and stir, as if it had been in its Mothers glass Bottle; but the skin being just cut open with a small hole, it begun presently to make a little noise like a weak childish voice, which indeed was very rare & pleasant to be seen. In truth, such a Father, who can cast every time such high doubblets, may very well be called by the name of Brave.

But this Story was hardly told before Mistris Tittle-tattle pursued it with another out of the same Text, saying, A little more then two years ago I was at a Gossipping by Mistris Gay, who was then brought to bed both of a Son and a Daughter, also at one birth; but indeed the Labour came so violently upon her, that as she was standing upon the stairs, not being able to set one foot further; and having neither Midwife, nor any other women of her neighbors and friends, only the assistance of her husband and the Maid; she was immediately delivered of two gallant Children; but they did not live long.

Upon my word, said Mistris Bounce-about, it is an excellent help when men understand their travelling upon such sort of roads. It hapned to me once that some Gentlewomen were merry with me somewhat late in the evening; and because I had had several Symptoms of Labour, said this, Mistris Bounce-about, if you would now take a walk to the Parsley bed, we would help you very bravely; but neither wind nor weather was serviceable at that time. But they had hardly been gone an hour, and being in bed with my husband, and he very fast asleep; before there begun such an alteration of the weather; that my husband must up with all speed, who wakened the Maid, and sent her for the Midwife laying on fire himself in all hast; yet do all what they could, within less then a quarter of an hour, and that without any bodies help but my husbands, my journy was performed; but things were done with such a confusion; that he received the child in the Christning cloath instead of the Blanket.

And a thousand more such stories as these are ript up; that would burthen the strongest memory to bear them: and so much the more, because it is impossible to distinguish one from the t'other, when the men and the women that gabble so one among another. And oft-times they spin such course threads of bawdery in their talk, that are enough to spoil a whole web of linnen. And who can tell but that their tattling would last a whole night, for there's hardly one of them who hath not at the least a hundred in their Budgets; but because it is high time that either the Dry or Wet-Nurse must go to swathe the child, they begin to break off and shorten their prittle-prattle.

Now young Father, do but observe what fine airy complements will be presented to you at their parting. Every one thanks you for your kind and cordial entertainment, and not one of them forgets to wish that you may the next year either have a Daughter to your Son, or a Son to your Daughter; imagining then that all things is well, when you receive such a full crop: But I am most apt to beleeve that all their wishes aim at the But of coming next year again to the Gossips Feast, to toss up the Gossips-bowl, and in telling of a bobbinjo story they peep into all nooks and corners.

Well, O new Father, this Pleasure begins to come to a conclusion; but prithee tell me, would not a body wish for the getting of such another, that his Wife might make a journy to the Parsly-bed twice a year?

Now Nurse have at you; you shall now reap the fruit of all your running and going early & late to invite them. Oh thinks she by her self, would but every shilling change it self into a crown-peece. But Nurse you'l hardly be troubled with a fit of that yellow Jaundies sickness, for there's no drug at the Apothecaries, nor any lice among the Beggars that can cure you of it. And I dare say Nurse, that you'l go nigh to perceive that its a very hard time, and mony mighty scarce: because formerly the women used to put their hands more liberally in their purses, and one gave a crown, another half a crown; but the times are now so strangely altered, that they keep little mild-shillings only for that use, nay some of them rub it off with a couple of their Grandams gray groats. But howsoever I hope for your sake, it will not be here according as often happens, fair promises but no performances; for if it should, I protest ye ought to have made your bargain to have had a peece more at the least for your Nurse keeping; or otherwise you must have had the full liberty to toss up the remains of all that was left in the Gossipping Bowls, or else to have carried the key of the Wine Cellar alwaies in your pocket, and then after the feeding and swathing the child, you might in the twinkling of an eye, swinge up a lustly glass upon the good health of the Father, Child-bed mother and the Child; for the Wine was laid in to be made use of to that end and purpose; and it is commonly known that the Nurses are not so mealy mouth'd; for although they don't do it that every one should see it, they'l be sure with the Maid to get their shares in one corner or other. But you must for this again think, that the freer you let them take their swing herein, the more care they will take for the Child.

Now Nurse, don't spare to make good use of your time, for it belongs amongst other things to this Pleasure; and the new Father will nevertheless be turning about to another mirth, and then you may be sure to expect to have a God be w'ye. Therefore make much of your self, and toss up your glasses stoutly at the Wine-Cask; who knows whether you may have the opportunity this twelve month again to meet with such a good Nurse-keeping; a liquorish sweet-tooth'd Child-bed woman, & a plentifull housekeeping, is not every where. And you may certainly beleeve, that the month will be no sooner ended, then that you'l begin to stink here; for the Mistris will begin to consider with her self, that she can make a shift with the Maid and Wet-Nurse; so that then you must expect to get your undesired Pass.

Then you must return back again to your own lodging, that dark, moist and mournfull Cell, and satisfie your self, if you can get it, with a mess of milk and brown George, or some such sort of lean fare. So that you'l have time enough to wast away that fulsomness and fogginess of body, that you have gotten in your Nurse-keeping. For there's no body that will give you any thing, or thinks in the least upon your attendance, unless they want you again.

O new Father, pray for it to come again within a twelve month, that you may have a renewing of this pleasure once more; for it is with the Nurse-taking its leave, and will conduct you to a following.

THE TENTH PLEASURE. A great Child-bed Feast is kept, and the Child put in Cloaths.

h how pleasant is th'estate of married people, above that of Batchelors and Maids? how it distributes Mirths and Pleasures! Verily one may in some measure recogitate or write something of it, but it is impossible to imprint so Sun-like a splendor in Potters clay, or to display it with the most curious Colours. Though the accomplishedst Painter might have drawn it very near the life, yet it would be but a dead draught, in comparison of the reality and experience that is found in it self. You have already seen here nine Parts or Tables but it is not ninety Pictures that can sufficiently shew you the fulness of one of the nine Parts.

Be therefore chearfully merry, O sweet Couple, because you are in so