The Ten Pleasures of Marriage<br />and the Second Part, The Confession of the New Married Couple by A. Marsh (best free novels txt) 📕

Yes, saith Mistris Consent to all, and my advice is then to take a little horn, with a sheeps udder, & lay that upon the Tipples, for that defends them, and occasions their curing much better and sooner.

O what a pleasure it is to hear all the pretty considerations of so many prudent Doctresses! If Clement Marot might but revive, I am sure he would find here as many Doctresses, as ever there were Doctors at Paris. But O how happy will this fortunate new Father be, when he may but once see the back-sides of all these grave and nice Doctresses! But my truth, this may very well be registred for one of the most accomplished Pleasures.

But yet all this doth not help the young woman. Perhaps all these remedies may be good, saith the Grand-Mother but they are not for our turns; for alas a day, the very smell of salve makes her fall into a swoon; neither can she suffer the least motion of sucking, for the very pain bereaves her of her sences. What shall we do then? to keep a Wet-Nurse is both very damageable, and cruel chargeable; for Wet-Nurses are generally very lazy and liquorish, and they are ever chatting and chawing something or other with the Maids; and in their manner they baptize it, with saying it is very necessary & wholesom for the Child. And then again, to put the Child out to Nurse, hath also several considerations; first it estrangeth much from you, and who knows how ill they may keep it. Therefore it is best to keep it at home, and indeavour the bringing of it up with the Spoon, feeding it often with some pure and cordial diets fit for the appetite, and now and then giving it the sucking bottle.

But what remedy now? this is all to no purpose: For though the Grandmother, Nurse, and Ant do what they can, yet all their labour's lost. And the Child is so froward and peevish, that the Nurse is ready to run away from it; nay, though she dandle and play with it alwaies till past midnight, it is but washing the Black-a-more; in so much that a Wet-Nurse must be sought for, or away goes the Child to Limbo. For this again is required good advice, and the chusing of a good one hath its consideration: But the tender heartedness and kind love that the Mother hath for her Child can no way suffer this, she will rather suck it her self though the pain be never so great. Yet having tried it again a second time, the pain is so vehement that it is impossible to withstand it; therefore the new Father cannot be at quiet till there be a Wet-Nurse found and brought to them. For it goes to the very heart of both Father and Mother to put the Child out to Nurse.

And do but see after much seeking and diligent inquiring, the new made Grandmother, hath at last found one, who is a very neat cleanly and mighty modest woman, her husband went a little while ago to the East-Indies, & her child died lately.

This is no small joy but an extraordinary Pleasure, both for the new Father, and Child-bed woman. Oh now their hearts are at rest. And now all things will go well; for as the Wet-Nurse takes care of the Child; the dry Nurse doth of the Mother, & all this pleases the good Father very well.

Now Child-bed-woman your time is come to make much of your self, that you may recover strength. Now you wont be troubled with the pains of sucking, or disturbed of your natural rest: now you must let the Wet-Nurse take care for every thing, and look after or meddle with nothing your self. Now you must sleep quietly, eat heartily, and groan lustily. And though you be very well and hearty, yet you must seem to be weak and quamish stomackt; for first or last the month of lying-in must be kept full out. Do but think now by your self what you have a mind either to eat, or drink; the first and worst daies are with the tossing and turmoiling passed by; neither can you recover any strength with eating of Water-gruel, sugar-sops, rosted Apples, and new laid Egs; you are not only weary of them, but it is too weak a diet for you. The nine daies are almost past, and now you must have a more strengthening diet; to wit, a dish of fine white Pearch, a roasted Pullet, half a dozen of young Pigeons, some Wigeons or Teal, some Lams-stones, Sweetbreads, a piece of roast Veal, and a delicate young Turky, &c. And whilest you are eating, you must be sure to drink two or three glasses of the best Rhenish wine, very well sweetned with the finest loaf sugar, you must also be very carefull of drinking any French wine, for that will too much inflame you.

O new Father, what a Pleasure must all these things be for you; and especially, because now you begin at the Bed-side to eat and drink again with your Child-bed wife; and you begin also to perceive that if all things advance as they hitherto have done, you may then again in few daies make fresh assaults of hugging and embracing her.

This is that jolly month or six weeks that all women talk so pleasantly of; because it learns them alwaies such a curious remembrance. And really it is almost impossible that the husband at these rates can grow lean with it; because he as well as his wife sits to be cram'd up too: And he can now with his dearest daily contrive and practice what the Nurse shall make ready, that his Child-bed wife may eat with a better appetite, and recover new strength again. I would therefore advise the carefull Nurse as a friend, that she should be sure to provide her self with the Compleat Cook, that she might be the more ready to help the Child-bed woman to think upon what she hath a mind to have made ready, for her brains are but very weak yet; so that she cannot so quickly and easily remember at first what is pleasantest and wholesomest to be eaten.

O thrice happy new Father that have gotten such a prudent diligent and carefull Nurse for your Child-bed wife! what great Pleasure is this! And behold, by this delicate eating and drinking, your Dearest begins from day to day to grow stronger and stronger; insomuch that she begins to throw the Pillow at you, to spur you up to be desirous of coming to bed to her: Yea, she promiseth you, that before she is out of Child-bed, she will make you possessor of another principal and main Pleasure.

Folio 141.
Published by the Navarre Society, London.

ow, O new Father, you have had the possession of eight pleasures, which undoubtedly have tickled you to some purpose.

But now there is a new one approaching, that will be as full of so many joyfull delights and wishings of prosperity, as ever the first and most famous hath been; for it seems as if your Child-bed wife begins to be a weary of this lazy liquorish life, and to leave off her grunting and groaning; because she now longs to be gadding up and down the street, or standing at the dore with her Babe in her arms.

But before this can be done, you know that there ought to be a Gossips Feast kept. To this end the Nurse must be sent abroad; and a serious Counsel held, as if the Parliament of women were assembled, to consult who shall be invited, and who not. 's Wounds, what a list of relations and strange acquaintance are here sum'd up in a company together, to be invited to the Gossipping Feast. 'Tis impossible, the Nurse can ever do this all in one day; because she would not willingly miss any of them, out of the earnest hopes she hath of the Presents she expects. And then also she must give an account to every one of them that are invited of the state and condition of the Child-bed woman and her Child. I wonder that there is no body that sollicites to have the Office of an Inviter to all such sort of Gossippings, but the women understand these affairs and the ordering of such sort of invitations much better than any one else, therefore 'tis not necessary.

O, new Father, what a sweet Delight and Pleasure you must needs have in reviewing this great List of your Gossips! What multiplicities of wishes of joy and prosperity have you to expect! But if I were to be your Counsellor, I assure you I would order the Nurse to desire Doctor Toss-bowl, my Lord Drinkfirst and then the other Gentlemen, to wit, Masters Cleardrinker, Dryliver, Spillnot, Sup-up, Seldom-sober, and Shift-gut, to fetch home their Wives in good time from the Gossipping; because you have other mens Wives, who are your near relations, that you must entertain longer; and they otherwise will never think of rising or going home though it were midnight: And by this means you will have a fit opportunity, with a full Bowl and a Pipe, to wash away that rammish sent of a Child-bed out of your brains; and also