breaking glass by KLeena Girl (books to read in your 30s .txt) 📕

to Hamburg without anything at all, so he quickly took the tube to fetch some trousers and sweaters from Jenny. He found himself lucky that no one beside Jenny noticed his quick visit. The rest of the family was busy with the funeral service.
When he returned, Serena sat on the couch, already showered and now dressed in the bath robe of the hotel. „I’ve got some clothes from Jenny for you”, David said, as he sat down across her in the arm chair. He looked different from before, but Serena couldn’t figure out why and how. He just looked…different than he was in her memory. But maybe that was just because they hadn’t seen each other for nearly half a year. She stared in his eyes, her skin still pale despite of the hot shower water.
„It’s my fault he died.”
David’s eyes widened. He shook his head, „No, Serena. It is not your fault. It was an accident and if it was anyone’s fault, then it was that van driver’s.”
„No, actually it was mine.” She said calmly and before the man could argue, she continued. „I had a fight with him on my birthday. He couldn’t come by, so I became angry and told him to leave me alone before I would tear our relationship apart.”
The words sank into David. He understood how guilty she might feel because her last words to Lucas hadn’t been nice, but he failed to see why those were the reason for his death.
„He had soccer training that day. And because I shut him up, he decided to leave half an hour earlier than usual.” She gulped. „If I hadn’t made such a fuss about him not being there at my birthday, he wouldn’t have left so early, he wouldn’t have hit that car.” She gulped. „And he wouldn’t have died.” Her lips trembled.
„It’s not you fault”, David simply replied.
„It is.”
„It’s not – “ He was cut off, as she lunged for him, tearing at his shirt. Her hands were desperate to come in contact with his skin. David knew he had to stop her pathetic attempt for closeness, but something stopped him. It was like being in trance.
He shuffled off the bath robe off her shoulders, exposing her naked body for his view. Hectically, Serena stripped off the rest of his clothes. Their eyes roamed over each others’ bodies, blazing with neither love nor lust, but mania. Within seconds, they were all over each other, grabbing flesh in a frantic way, never exchanging a kiss. Falling onto the bed, their fingers reached for every piece of skin.
They were acting like drugged, quiet moans and sighs matching the course of their encounter. Serena’s sight was blurred. Her mind couldn’t manage the information given by her body. Their thrusts were hard and choppy, supposed to bring quick release.
It was fast, short and sating, but not satisfying. David crashed down on her, heavily panting. Serena groaned as his weight pressed down on her. The feeling of him above her or in actual fact in her let her fling her eyes open wide. Realization set in just as fast as lunacy had and she pushed him off of her.
One look in his eyes and she knew David had realized what had happened only seconds ago as well. Serena hurried all over the room, picking up the clothes from Jenny. She began mumbling something about right and wrong, but David couldn’t make out what she was trying to say. After putting on the pullover and jeans, she stopped to look at him. „What have we done, David?” She asked breathlessly without really expecting an answer. „I have to go.”
Serena was out of the room before David could have even told her that she wasn’t wearing shoes.


* * *


She hadn’t seen David since that fateful night one year ago. After all, Serena had left the town as fast as she could. She had taken the next train and had been running home, without shoes. Later, Jenny had told her how worried her family had been about her and her sudden departure. Serena had managed to assure them that she had been overstrained by the whole situation and that had had to leave. She had also heard that David had left Germany again to return to live with his mother. A word about her night with David was never lost on any conversation, with anyone. The fear of being detected and exposed was immense, even if not as big as the fear of facing the truth. Serena had never felt more ashamed than in the moment she had lain beneath David’s naked body, opening her eyes and realizing that she had just had sex with him on her boyfriend’s funeral day. The knowledge about this alone ate her away. In the end she couldn’t even understand how she could be dealing with coming back to this place. His grave.

Lucas Newman, 19 September 1990 – 8 January 2007

The tombstone read. Serena kneeled to lie down a white lily on it. She stood up and viewed his grave. It was almost impossible to believe that one year had passed by since Lucas’ death. Today, Serena turned 16. It should be a day to celebrate, but instead she stood on the Jewish cemetery in Hamburg, soft snowflakes falling down. She wore a black, tight dress she had which reflected her state of grief. Her dark coat was wrapped around her securely, protecting her from the cold. She had always avoided a confrontation with her past, but she just couldn’t refuse to visit the Newman’s, when they had invited her to the one-year commemoration. And besides, Lucas deserved better treatment from her, too. Serena had tried to hide, but in the end, the truth had caught up with her. It was time to finally come clean about it.
„I miss you”, she said in a low voice, uncaring if anybody would hear her, „and I apologize for not visiting you earlier. I was scared. Scared of your death, of what happened with David and of myself, but I never forgot about you. You were always in my thoughts.” She fidgeted and pulled out the heart-shaped pendant from under her coat. „I didn’t mean to call you a liar. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Deep down inside of me, I know you’ve always wanted my best. I’d like to thank you for that. Without you, I wouldn’t even be anymore.” She averted her gaze, as she continued. „I’m sorry I slept with David. It’s not anything I’m proud of. I’m even more sorry it happened after your funeral.” There was no running and hiding from the truth now. „It wasn’t right, I know that, but believe me, when I say it hadn’t anything to do with love and I’ve never had the intention to hurt you. I understand it’s not easy to forget that, but I’d be happy if you could forgive me. One day perhaps?”
From in between the clouds, some rays of light met her face, whose cheeks were flushed from the cold. The sun glowed softly through the traces of snow. Serena smiled. „I’ve met a boy. He’s nice and I really grow to like him. Don’t worry, I’ll always love you, but I hope to get a chance to begin living again. Please be okay with that.” She kissed the palm of her hand and pressed it onto the gravestone. „I won’t make any promises to you this time, because we both know how they tend to turn out. Just know that I’ll keep you in my heart, even when I’ll be building up my new life.”


Serena stood up and left the cemetery with a feeling of relief and peace. It would be another year before she would return to this place once again.


End of part 1/3

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Publication Date: 08-04-2009

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